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Credit: Ryan Shea

There has been a bunch of articles (by lazy journalists) that has been circling the internet as of late, that has this particular guy pissed in many different ways.  The control c, control v articles that are all over social media is about a report that states bears have lower self-esteem, and therefore are more like to engage in riskier sex.   Regardless if this is a simple “study”, it doesn’t reflect the bear community at all for several different reasons and as someone who tends to be a bit more blunt than others when it comes to people being wrongfully judged for their owns reasons, I will say this as a preface to this article- fuck what anyone else thinks.  And most importantly, when it comes to your dating and sex life, understand that no one, I mean NO ONE, is out of your league.

Let’s break this down.  Essentially University of Miami reviewed 11 studies on the bear subculture in the United States, finding that assimilation into gay culture is harder for the “huskier” types.  Assimilating into any culture is tough, regardless if it is work, social, family or whatnot, but that doesn’t automatically mean that their self-esteem will be lowered in the process overall, and I still don’t understand why bears are the ones who are singled out in this when gay culture is hard to get into period, no matter what you look like.  What people don’t want to admit about gay culture is this- we aren’t a community, its divide and conquer, and the subsets that get larger in size every year seem to take on this trait and use it to its fullest.  That is bears, twinks, otters, muscle, and any other “category” you feel the need to be in.  I’ve said this in my articles for years, and it is a big reason why I consider myself to be a “drive by” in this community- you don’t need to conform to a certain group in order to fit in.  You figure out what is best for your life and what will make you happy, and to have your self-esteem lowered by some insecure assholes who have nothing better to do with their life than judge you really isn’t helping you out at all.  Which is exactly what these “study” articles set out to be.

I wrote an article called “I’m Fat and (Probably) Get More Than You” last year, to a very positive response, which was the goal.  Although it was a shorter article, the purpose of it was for any type of person to understand that regardless of what society deems as your negative, it should not stop you from getting what you want out of life.  The correlation of low self-esteem and riskier sex is there, to a certain degree, but to place focus on bears, due to society calling us fat, as the biggest part of the community that engages in this, is insane and hypocritical.  Mainstream gay porn studios were condom only years ago, and now are in a space to go “bareback only” or “bareback exclusive”, which every type of community is seeing and evaluating in their own personal lives.  That evaluation could potentially help them determine if they want to wear a condom or not, ergo engaging in riskier gay sex.  There are sex parties all across the world where condoms may not be an option.  Is any particular community to blame for riskier sex happening?  Not necessarily, but it’s not just huskier dudes.  Seriously.

This leads to the point of why I titled my article “No one is out of your league”.  The pressures to look a certain way affect all of us, straight, gay, bi, trans, you name it, due to what is seen in culture growing up and currently.  Whereas I am someone who considers media my profession, it is not something that directly influences me on how I live my day to day life.  We are shown images of in shape, good looking, chiseled guys growing up and made to believe that in order to be desirable, we needed to look like that.  As time has gone by, that concept has shifted, and now the bear world’s prevalence is expanding each and every year, where straight people are even taking notice in finding that guys of any size are attractive, handsome, and any other adjective just like that.  I mean, can you believe the dad bod thing that happened last year?  It is something we, as bears, have known for years, but for women to get on board with this finally and have it be out of the closet is proof that the tides are turning in this youth & six pack obsessed world that we live in.

If you are husky, if you are a certain ethnicity, if you are rich, moderate or broke, if you are muscular, hairy, short, tall, or anything else that carries judgment to it, understand one thing- you have the ability to get who you want.  Why?  Because a lot of those things are surface only.  When people fall in love, regardless of who you are, they fall in love with the man or woman behind the looks, and not just that.  If that isn’t true, then you shouldn’t be with that person in the first place, as they are more shallow than the dick dock at dark during Bear Week.  All you have to do is approach who you desire, and see what happens from there.  Will rejection happen?  Maybe.  Will you get a one night hot fuck session with them, either at the bar or at your/their place?  Hopefully.  Could it turn into something more meaningful and long term?  Halleloo.  But that won’t happen unless you stop focusing on what society tells you what is wrong with you, and focuses on all the good things that make you… you.