Dance Moms! This week starts two weeks of two hour episodes! It’s so much, I might explode! Last week there was speed dating and some group number that didn’t make any sense! Jill was sneaky! More after the jump. [Read more…] about Dance Moms Recap: Full Metal Tutu
TELEVISION
Family Trade is a Bad Bargain
Family Trade: Tuesdays 8 pm, GSN
Am I the only one who remembers when GSN only showed game shows? Probably, but in the last half decade or so they’ve expanded their reach, whether it’s trying to capitalize on the poker boom in the mid-00’s (High Stakes Poker, and World Series of Blackjack), competition shows (reruns of Dancing with the Stars), and whatever you would call Kenny vs. Spenny.
Their biggest stretch from the original format of the network has been their new found obsession of grafting “reality” programming into their scheduling. Tonight marks the debut of GSN’s newest offering to the genre: Family Trade. Family Trade depicts the life of a family whom owns an automobile dealership in Vermont. The key twist, however, is family patriarch Gardner Stone’s guarantee that he will accept anything in trade that he thinks he can sell in exchange for a BRAND NEW CAR! (Sorry, I just couldn’t resist the urge there.) His children, Todd and Darcy, question this strategy at every turn while having the difficult task of moving the objects that their father just bartered away a car for.
So how does this mash-up of Let’s Make a Deal and Pawn Stars fare? Well for starters, the stakes don’t seem that high. In both instances, the barters only covered a portion of the down payment, which takes all of the stakes out of the game (one barter for Maple Syrup involved $2,500 in Maple Syrup, however the cost of the truck in question was over $50,000). Furthermore, there seems to be an absolute minimum of substantial conflict as Gardner always wins these disputes (one employee flat out states it).
The show was also advertised as having a focus on family drama, yet Family Trade comes out lacking there as well. In the first two episodes, there was a dearth of conflict or even raised voices. This becomes particularly glaring as the show relies on filler shots, a tension chord, and straddling deals over commercial breaks to create a seemingly false sense of tension.
This lack of drama would suffice if there were other reasons to emotionally invest in the Stone family. Unfortunately, Family Trade limits each of it’s primary characters to a cardboard cut out. We only learn about Gardner that’s he bull headed and he’ll trade for and with anything as long as he comes out ahead. Similarly we learn that Todd is skeptical of the barter business and that he thinks Gardner is nuts for taking the deals he has but that’s it. Darcy and Travis, the two other employees of G-Stone motors who get remotely regular screen time tend to come off as faceless entities.
When the focus changes to Todd and Darcy dealing with the ramifications of Gardner’s decisions, the show gets considerably more interesting. This is particularly notable when Gardner and Darcy can’t bring themselves to sell the pigs they bought from a customer looking for a trailer at a farmer’s auction. Darcy’s imploring Gardner to find a more humane end for the pigs while Todd is bewildered at why they took the trade to begin with. Similarly, when Gardner sells maple syrup in barter to win a selling contest for the leftover maple syrup with Todd, the two squabble because Gardner made a “profit” in credit from the restaurants while Todd took a loss but picked up actual cash.
The Final Verdict: Family Trade is incredibly bland. Whereas many shows in the reality genre focus on hair-pulling or seemingly life and death choices, Trade is hyped to be a big deal but ultimately focuses on life’s little problems and a quirky dealership. The show probably would have worked better if they spent less time trying to punch it up in the drama department and instead focused on taking a more slice of life perspective and divulging a little more on its’ key stars than the two dimensional caricatures we get. Skip it, Tuesday’s one of the stronger nights on the dial and once you’ve seen one episode you’ll feel like you’ve seen all of them.
RuPaul’s Drag Race Recap- And None For Gretchen Weiners
Last time on “Rupaul’s Drag Race”, Ivy won the singing challenge and Jade and her hair went home. Backstage, Jinkx is yammering about wanting the win, but how pretty Ivy looks. Roxxxy is already over it, and I’m a little over her already. Coco and Alaska both set up the We Haven’t Won a Challenge Club. Alaska complains about being in Sharon’s shadow. More after the jump.
Alaska says she’s taken Michelle’s advice and is really reconsidering not being a part of the whole RoLaskaToxx thing. Roxxxy starts out being miffed, but is interrupted by SheMail. It quickly becomes apparent we’re reading each other. Detoxx starts and Alyssa’s quickly the butt of most jokes, but is a good sport. Everyone reads Roxxxy, who tries to turn it around in a boring manner. Coco comes out with a swipe at Jinkx’ porkpie hat. Ivy makes a GREAT comment about Coco’s tang colored highlighting. The library is now closed, and Alaska wins the mini-challenge.
Ru comes to tell everyone that the main challenge is that they’re going to roast RuPaul. Uh-oh, it’s hard to be funny on cue. The Pit Crew serves drinks and everyone is told to let Ru have it. The gworls will be coached by Bruce Villanch, Nadia Ginsberg and Deven Green. Alaska, as the winner, gets to decide the order. She’s actually really nice about it and asks the other girls when they want to go and tries to accommodate everyone, which ends up leaving her as the opening act. Coco says that’s the hardest, but I think that the middle is where you get ignored.
Detox makes fun of Alyssa’s creative process and its damn on point since Alyssa is cracking herself up. Michelle comes in and everyone gay screams. First, Alaska, who starts out with a pretty good joke that has Michelle laughing. However, Michelle warns her that she’s being too nice. Roxxxy says that reading is something that she’s always done, but is warned to keep it funny. Ivy has nothing. Coco plans on just being herself. Alyssa is talking about reading as well and seems to be doing the same nonsense that Roxxxy’s doing.
Our guest judges are Leslie Jordan and Jeffrey Moran of Vodka fame. Oh, and it’s going to be live. We get a glimpse of Jinkx’ narcolepsy. The other queens find it hilarious.
Rehearsal time! Jinkx comes out and fucks the chicken during rehearsal. Ivy plays it very very very safe and is boring. Bruce looks weird tonight. Is he wearing a corset? Alyssa’s jokes are all out of place and way too mean. Coco’s playing it from the hood and is being another mean queen. Alyssa is the only person laughing. The judges don’t like her mean streak.
Elimination Day! Alyssa is super nervous and you can tell. Coco’s already being bitchy. Roxxxy, again, says she doesn’t believe in Jinkx.
Ru comes out looking like a giant, fabulous lime Jell-O shot. Leslie Jordan is scared; Jeffrey Moran is pretty and bland. Let the roasting begin!! Alaska is actually pretty damn funny. She opens with a joke about how Leslie’s slept with more gay men then Michelle and ends with a joke about the number of xs in Roxxxy’s name. Roxxxy comes out and attacks everyone and it’s just not funny. Coco comes out in character and has RuPaul on floor. He actually turned it around and does a damn good job. Jinkx is pretty solid. Ivy’s not bad, but certain will not be in the top. Alyssa makes everyone uncomfortable. Detoxx tries to not recycle jokes and fails and says the f-word a lot, but has some good moments.
Judges Critique!
Alaska is funny and it’s tough to go first, though her look is getting predictable. Leslie Jordan lovingly calls her knock kneed. Ivy looks good, but was unsure on stage and read her cards the whole time. Jinkx killed the judges (which we didn’t see as much of) and Michelle is genuinely impressed with the runway look. I’m happy. Detoxx was mean but had a twinkle in her eye the whole time, so it’s ok, but she screwed up too much. It should have flowed more. Alyssa was trying too hard and could have been a LOT funnier. In general, it was boring and humiliating but Leslie thinks she’s the prettiest girl in the bunch. Coco had a great concept and knocked it out. Roxxxy needed a much faster pace, bigger hair and was way too in her head.
Coco wins this one, which good for her! Roxxxy and Alyssa are in the bottom, lip synching to Whip My Hair. Roxxxy immediately takes off her pants and goes to take off her wig revealing ANOTHER WIG. Alyssa turns it out on stage. Afterwards, Roxxxy breaks down because she’s never been wanted. Ru says she’s wanted and tells them both to stay. Now we’re evened out and we’re the seven sisters! It’s like the Seven Samurai, only without the swords.
Check back here next week for another “Rupaul’s Drag Race” recap!
Dance Moms Recap – Aspects of Love
Last time on Dance Moms, Abby broke down because of her dog and the moms broke down just because! Let’s move on. [Read more…] about Dance Moms Recap – Aspects of Love
RuPaul’s Drag Race Recap: Do They Know It’s Christmas?
Did you all been having the incredibly bad Monday that everyone else I know have been having? Well, let’s end it with RuPaul’s Drag Race! Last time, it was the Snatch Game and everyone sucked, except for Jinkx. LIneysha ended up sashaying away. Afterwards, everyone has good things to say about Lineysha which is weird. Jinkx feels let out. Coco’s not into the RoLaskaToxx thing and I almost agree with her. Jinkx knocks out.
Alyssa walks in wearing a Zelda shirt and my roommate freaks out. You’ve Got Shemail! We’re gonna give till it hurts, and everyone looks confused for a moment. Ru comes in and talks about putting on her make up in adverse situations, and then turns off the lights. The queens have to put on their make up in the dark. Shade is thrown in the dark, and we see that Alyssa’s doing her face and Coco’s probably not blending. The dolls come out in beekeeper hats, hiding their faces. Alyssa’s all over herself and Coco didn’t bother to blend. Alaska put it all over her face. Detoxx wins and gets to choose the groups for the main challenge.
The main challenge is going to be writing and recording a song. RoLaskaToxx is together, and Alyssa and Coco are put together. This leaves Jinkx, Jade and Ivy. It’s going to be an 80’s flashback wear, like some sort of drag Band Aid. There’s more shade throwing and the verses get doled out in traditional bitchy manner.
Alyssa starts up by wanting to change the lyrics, which Coco’s not really down for. Alyssa spins around in jorts and does a bad Glee impression. Ivy, Jade and Jinkx have some good harmonies going. Over with RoLaskaToxx, Alaska is annoyed that the other dolls aren’t doing anything but goof off. Ru comes in.
Alyssa and Coco are first. Who’s a good singer? Coco’s gonna try to take it to church and Alyssa’s gonna try to take to Jack in the Box. Ru tells them to make it fun and walks away. Ivy, Jade and Jinkx are next. Who sings? Well, they all do, to some extent. Jade’s the most boring of the three and gets warned that she needs to steal the spotlight. Last, we have RoLaskaToxx. The rest of the teams don’t understand what message is in the song.
The judges for tonight will be the Pointer Sisters and Latoya Jackson, who will be on the show for the third time. Before that, the dolls have to record. Let’s save the world with drag. Coco comes in and is immediately bitchy, talking about Detoxx. This leads to her messing up, which, in turn, makes Alyssa screw up. Everything is off about these two. Jade joins them in being off key, and spends her entire time looking down. Ivy’s pretty good, and Jinkx has some good notes and some good pipes. Roxxxy’s over it, though, and thinks it’s all a gimmick. That is, right before showing that HE can’t sing and doesn’t know how to say “sequined dress.” Detoxx keeps messing up, but rolls with it, and RoLaskaToxx ends up going off and modulating in their own little worlds. The song ends on some freestyle notes where everyone is pretty much the same as they were before.
Backstage, Detoxx inserts herself into the conversation and there’s more arguing. The queens talk about what parts they’re showing off and Detoxx is showing off his whole body, which, as we find out, is made entirely of silicon, putting him in the same rank as Cher and Joan Rivers. Out of nowhere, Jade gets some sob story about coming out and I’m pretty sure I know who’s going home.
Ru has a nice look on for the main stage. I’m not saying she normally looks like garbage, but sometimes she looks classier than others. Today is somewhat understated, and I like it. There’s lots of “sequences” Coco comes out wearing a leotard that looks like it opens up to show her heart. Seems weird. Alyssa is showing legs and wearing a caftan. Jinkx, pay attention, because this is how you do Boho chic glamour. Jade’s wearing something that looks like a tie dyed version of Janice from the Muppets. Either that or Cher mated with a rainbow. Ivy wears a dress made of her headshots. Jinkx *almost* gives us glamour. Honey, you know I love you, but you really need to step up the pretty for this. It’s what got Pandora knocked off and I don’t want to see you go. Roxxxy’s all about the big tits and hair. Alaska wanted assless chaps but had to settle for a clavicle showing mermaid dress. Detoxx is wearing a super simple dress until she turns around and you can see her crack through the ribboning. HA!
Now, we get to see the video for Can I Get an Amen. Ru is not in drag and it looks weird. Coco’s off key. Alyssa is singing her little heart off and it’s horrible, but she’s diving right into it. Jade is boring. Ivy’s got some good notes and is mugging for the camera. Jinkx does a great job, but ivy’s look outshines her. Roxxxy is terribly off key and doesn’t care. Detoxx is wearing Jem’s wig. Alaska is better than she lets on.
Judges Critique!
Coco didn’t get what was going on and got lost in being bitchy. She’s also wearing too much highlighter.
Alyssa’s very pretty but her singing was awful. However, she knows that and plays it up. She also points where she’s walking to.
Jade was a big letdown and Michelle doesn’t get the look. She missed on so many levels and is totally forgettable.
The judges love Ivy’s dress and she made a good impression on everyone. She was creative and added some nice harmonies.
The judges loved Jinkx’ long note, but think she was a mess on the runway. Michelle tells her not to contour so hard.
Roxxxy was peanut butter and the outfit was super-hot. Michelle warns the group that cliques can be dangerous.
Detoxx phoned the song in but got by on her dress. She’s warned not to rely on crutches like that.
Alaska is starting to bore the judges and needs to not hold back or hide behind characters. Alaska gives us a “show you the real me” speech and cries. She’s safe.
The winner is Ivy and Coco and Jade have to lip synch. Called it. It’s to the Pointer Sisters’ “I’m So Excited.” Jade’s not bad, but Coco really pulls it out. Shantay Coco stay. Jade calls Coco her close friend and I go “what?” and the show’s over. Join us next week!
This Reviewer Could Use Some Therapy after Watching L.A. Shrinks.
L.A. Shrinks: 9 p.m. Mondays, Bravo
I don’t often review reality shows for a number of reasons: namely the lack of “writing” and “acting” gives me very little objective thread to justify my opinion, and outside of the premise there isn’t very much to objectively judge on when it comes to the genre. However, with March providing a fairly thin slate of new shows, and the bulk of those new shows being reality, I guess I’ll take what I can get, with tonight’s show likely being the low point in terms of premieres this month.
My original impressions of this show and the implications thereof make me cringe. In particular, the idea of having a fly on the wall camera in a psychologists office bothers me, as people are now releasing their innermost fears, issues, and traumas in front of a camera (and let’s be real, being watched has never changed human behavior, right?). These visits are then wrapped around while the show deals with the real traumas of it’s star psychologists, which seems to imply that the show is going to trivialize the issues of people with real mental health issues for the significantly less problematic issues of the doctors themselves.
So…did my worst fears come true? Within five minutes it seems like Dr. V. (Venus Nicolino) is mining her patients for comedy, taking a catty tack to not only her patients in general, but seemingly making light of her Michael and Georgie (her two patients’) sex issues in confessional scenes. The implications are made worse when she snap-accepts Michael’s proposal of them recording their sex for the next episode without checking in with Georgie. Dr. V’s segment of the show seems the most outlandish, due her bouncing all over the emotional Richter scale (from catty to shattered) and in every scene that she’s not giving therapy she’s barely clothed (bikini or underwear) to not clothed in a bathtub and giving vampy looks to her husband when he gives her wine.
The other two therapists seem more down to earth, even if they both can gravitate into peevish about the field (Gregory seems to gripe about both his clients anger, and the fact that he can’t pass gas in the office, while Eris gets annoyed at a client whom can’t get enough sex, stating that three to four times a week is an insanely high amount of sex for a married couple, before dropping a statistic that the average couple has sex twice a week). Needless to say, while their patients do not make matters easier, their peevishness towards these clients whom are on their first session comes off as a little cold and petty.
Furthermore, one gets the vibe that many of the therapy scenes are shot in a studio. Dr. Cason’s office in particular seems to feel like it was shot in a multi-camera layout. Similarly, it seems weird that these handpicked clients happen to hit the exact nerves that the doctors layout in the beginning of the show (Most notably Gregory’s issues with the preparation for his commitment ceremony to Kevin, and Eris’ need to have more sex with her husband).
Finally, all ethical issues aside, this show takes all of the classic manipulative editing one expects from the reality genre and takes them to ludicrous extremes (to the point where certain shots look flat out redone). Similarly, Eris trying to resolve her sex life through a full-blown aphrodisiac dinner so that she can have a child feels completely absurd when you discover that she’s been taking birth control. I get that reality shows are about as “real” as professional wrestling, but would it kill you not to blatantly lie to me? Taking the least simple route makes sense on reality shows with a Deus Ex Machina element like say Survivor, The Amazing Race and (probably the king of making this trope work) The Mole, but less so when you have a show that is about day-to-day life.
The Final Verdict: This show is the Real Housewives of therapy. Our therapists problems seem incredibly manufactured and blown up to give a false equivalency to the problems of their clients’ (whose neuroses admittedly also seem fairly minor and only related to the amount of sex they are having). When the show moves away from the office, the show really objectifies its’ women (Venus seems to be in undress for large segments of the show, and they even sneak in a long shot of Eris wearing nothing but underwear). If you’re into particularly trashy reality television, you’ll probably love this, but if you have any standards whatsoever you’ll probably be as repulsed by this series as I am.
Red Widow Spends Too Much Time Building Webs, But Could Be a Sleeper Hit When It Finally Strikes.
Red Widow: Sundays at 10p.m. Eastern on ABC
After Zero Hour ended up becoming a dud, ABC went back to the drama well serving up a new show in Red Widow to fill out its’ Sunday night block with an hour of bluffs, semi-bluffs, and flat out lies (but surprisingly little action) in its’ new mob show.
Red Widow follows one woman’s life as she becomes tangled with a life of organized crime. When Marta Walraven (Radha Mitchell) finds her husband dead, she also learns of the exact degree of his illicit dealings and is forced to carry on the work of a local drug kingpin to keep her family safe while she pays off the debt that her dead husband carried (after her brother got caught stealing large amounts of drugs from a rival gang) in order to keep her family safe and secure.
Normally I take issues with particularly contrived plots, but here the conceit is so ridiculous (soccer mom whose aiming for normalcy becomes drug runner for the most vicious drug lord in San Francisco while keeping her three kids afloat) that it requires a large number of fail safes to keep the plot from taking its’ logical course. In fact, the pilot is entirely about taking “the logical course”, only for impediments stopping all of the logical answers of (in order): Evan trying to rectify Irwin’s terrible decision, Marta going to the FBI, Marta trying to return the stolen drugs, and going to her mob boss father to try and use gangster diplomacy to solve the problem.
Unfortunately, all of this legwork seems fairly tedious, especially in a crammed pilot that also tries to weave in a subplot about Boris taking a gun into school, an overzealous FBI agent, James Ramos (Clifton Collins Jr.), Natalie questioning the nature of the families business (her and Boris are assumed not to know at the start of the pilot) and a full-blown murder mystery revolving around Evan’s death. This is a particular shame as once the show stops focusing so heavily on exposition and gets to actually moving its wheels, it’s become instantly more enjoyable, as shown in scenes where Marta has to try to bribe Bob, a port supervisor after their original mark had decided to double his price before getting beaten down by Marta.
The acting in this series is generally pretty solid, with Radha Mitchell playing a pretty respectable gravely serious soccer mom, and I found Goran Visjnic’s Nicolae Schiller to be a simultaneously affable and terrifying villain (who doubles as a great evaluator of talent, apparently). Lee Tergesen (best known for being Tobias Beecher on Oz) draws the hardest straw, playing Mike, Evan’s semi-competent best friend who has the misfortune of being portrayed as a not only a bumbling fool but also as Marta’s teacher in the in’s and outs of “the business”.
The characters are particularly well drawn, including the surprisingly likable Evan (an affable guy who subverts just about every Mafia trope known to man). Similarly, you get the impression that Ramos will lie, cheat, steal, and possibly kill to get his conviction on both the Petrov family and Schiller’s syndicate. Unfortunately, Marta’s kids feel like they exist solely to be plot motivation and border on annoying during the screen time they receive (I don’t know that I would have shoehorned Boris’ and Natalie’s subplots this early in order to allow more time to the main plot line).
The Final Verdict: In a lot of ways, I felt like reviewing Red Widow now is almost counterproductive, as the first couple of episodes seem to have a much heavier focus on exposition than on driving a plot forward. Unfortunately, this creates a glacial pace that borders on tedious during the course of it’s first few episodes. It’s the sort of show that if it ever picks up a little bit of speed could be extremely fun to watch, as Marta’s interactions with Schiller and Agent Ramos create an interesting tension as she tries to bounce off of both of them to help save her family. If Red Widow can live up to its’ name, it will be the perfect addition to ABC’s Sunday night block.
Golden Boy Falls Short of Gold Standard
Golden Boy, Tuesdays, 10p.m Eastern Time, CBS
Last night, CBS, the network that brought you 3 CSI’s, 2 NCIS’s, Hawaii Five O, Blue Bloods, and numerous other cop shows over the past decade unveiled the newest in their never ending assembly line of shows about people investigating murders and drug dealers in Golden Boy.
Golden Boy tells the story of Walter William Clark Jr. (Theo James), as he makes his meteoric rise from beat cop to the the youngest Police Commissioner of New York City. After a short three years on the job, his on the job heroics led him to a promotion to the homicide squad. While there he’s paired up with a Don Owen, whom is a veteran detective closing in on retirement (Chi McBride). While solving murders, he’s dealing with equally ambitious and underhanded rival cop Christian Arroyo (Kevin Alejandro).
Plot wise, the show seems to be pretty contrived, but the fact that the entire show is told from the perspective of Clark makes this perfectly acceptable, since I would expect that a character of that ilk would try to present himself in the best possible light to a newspaper reporter (Richard Kind). It seems pretty solidly written, giving a show a little more pop than your standard issue crime procedural, even if it tends to over-rely on jargon during the shows numerous action scenes.
There’s one glaring problem with Clark is that even as commissioner, he comes obnoxious and entirely unlikeable, even when he’s trying to console a victims family. This brusqueness is even more apparent when Clark plays his younger self, as he slaughters the fourth amendment and performs a sick revenge fantasy all within the span of our premiere 60 minutes. In a semi related quibble, this may be the New Yorker in me, but why does every cop in Golden Boy‘s NYPD sound like they’re from Boston?
Chi McBride on the other hand, is excellent as grizzled veteran Owen. He plays the grizzled veteran actually trying to teach the young upstart Clark. Owen seems to be the moral center of a show that seems to angle itself long-term into the story of a rivalry between Clark and Arroyo. Kevin Alejandro plays an excellent smug snake as Arroyo, though it’s difficult to differentiate him from Clark at times because of how smugly Theo James plays Walter Clark.
The cinematography is interesting, and generally strong with its heavy use of time lapse photography. They also take advantage of some unique shots, like a spring to life shot in the opening scene to create a sense of urgency unlike any other I’ve seen in a TV show to this point. One minor quibble in this area, is that every window has this weird glow to it that makes it seem like the characters are staring at TV’s every time they look out the window.
Final Verdict: Golden Boy is serviceable as both a political drama and a cop show, even if it tends to be a little pedestrian at times. I think that the pilot should have at least made Clark as commissioner a little more likable, as quite frankly, I struggle to see why I would recommend a story about the rise of such an unsympathetic protagonist. This might be worth checking into later to see if James can hit the soft notes as Clark, but unless you happen to be watching the NCIS smorgasbord lead-in, I can’t see going out of your way to catch this.
Dance Moms Recap: Like a Ziegfield or a Weismann
It’s Dance Moms time, and this week is going to be a doozy! Grab your bunheads and join me after the jump. [Read more…] about Dance Moms Recap: Like a Ziegfield or a Weismann
RuPaul’s Drag Race Recap: Jerry Likes My Corn
It’s time for RuPaul’s Drag Race and tonight is the Snatch Game!! Everyone gay gasp and let’s head to the jump! [Read more…] about RuPaul’s Drag Race Recap: Jerry Likes My Corn