I feel we owe it to ourselves to all fess up and say- Yup, I’ve been a bitch to that guy or groups of guys. We all have been. Now more than ever there is a strong vibe in our community that gay men start out like the nice Cady Heron in “Mean Girls” but end up being the vicious, backstabbing bitch that she becomes in the movie (sort of like Lindsay Lohan in real life. Ahhh, how art imitates). Yet, a lot of men tend to stay in the second zone without ever learning the life lessons which ultimately makes Cady likable in the end, especially breaking her plastic crown and sharing it with the rest of the crowd. When it did become so socially acceptable for gay men to treat each other with such disdain and rudeness yet millions of us are screaming to the straight world that we want to be accepted? We can’t accept each other. It’s beyond ridiculous. Here are some reasons behind this philosophy.
One- I was bullied growing up, so now it’s time to take revenge. I consider myself a fortunate gay man in the sense that growing up I was never bullied, called names like “fag” and “homo” in a serious matter and physically and/or emotionally abused like many other gay men and women were growing up. This could’ve been in and outside of the school, but this is something that they take with them the rest of their lives. This can incorporate itself in the gay community completely when you reach a certain age, find a group of guys to hang with, and become that group of mean girls we all hated back when we were growing up. In essence, you were becoming that guy or girl that bullied you and exacting it upon other people. Sure, it can make sense to you and some other people but really what are you getting out of it? In the grown world, these people never went after you, the ones that did it growing up did it for their own insecure reasons. Don’t turn that around and think that two wrongs make a right, cuz really they never do.
Jealousy. Bitterness. Resentment. Oh, he cheated on me. We had bad sex. I woofed at him on Scruff and he didn’t say thanks. I took him out to dinner once and he never got back ton me. Four of zillion reasons why we talk shit behind others backs. The best ones to me are when men talk about other men they have NEVER freaking met and act like they know them as well as their own family or best friends do. It’s human nature, I get it. We all talk about someone behind their backs. The reasons for men of a certain age to do it in this community once again come off as childish and immature. I had incident a couple of months ago where someone I knew from brief chats years ago decided to take it upon himself and ruin a couple of friendships of mine. Luckily, the two in question that he tried talking to were mature enough to understand the shit he was trying to pull, and didn’t let it phase them or our friendship. It makes me giggle though that people can be that insecure where something that was merely nothing three years back can still influence someone of a certain age to act like a 12 year old girl in order to prove a point. It gets to be a bit silly.
Maybe it’s just society that has led us to this conclusion. Is it just me or has Hollywood and the media in general embraced the bitchy gay guy? No, I am not mentioning if they are butch or queeny, that has nothing to do with it. I mean just purely mean and rude in every which sense of the way. From Jack MacFarland on “Will and Grace” to Anthony Marentino on “Sex and the City”, it sort of seems like there is a bit of typecasting which can lead to real life experience. Several reality seem to pitch the same concept, in particular “Big Brother” which I am a huge fan of. Every season (except for season 5) there is the bitchy gay guy. Really it just makes us look bad especially in the heterosexual world where they already have a preconceived notion about it. Yet as stated before, it can really lead to real life experiences in how we treat one another.
Listen, the moral here isn’t for us to hold hands, go to a yoga class and be super nice to each other because that would really make us look like a bunch of assholes. I just think that this treatment of each other can lead to serious problems within gay men such as depression, body issues and a ton of other things that can ultimately hurt who they are in the long run. Just think about what you are saying the next time you go to gossip. That’s all.