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RPDRs7-cast-group-pressLast week, Jasmine Masters went home. Afterwards, everyone talks about how it’s sooo quiet backstage and NOW Miss Fame speaks up about how she hated the pop the corns joke. Everyone takes their beards off. Insert Aaron Schlock joke here.

Next day, everyone says that it’s time to step it up and this isn’t a game. You know, the same way they’ve had to step it up each day before, as if this wasn’t a fucking competition.  Ru’s Passive Aggressive Mumble interrupts this brilliant train of thought. Ru tells them to rock out and no one is unspoofable. Sounds like it’s a singing challenge? Why? I have no clue. Haven’t we learned our lesson about this enough? It’s going to be three teams, and they get to choose their own, for once. Ginger Minj grabs her friends, and the skinny white bitches all clump together, which leaves Max, Jaidynn Diore Fierce, and Violet Chachki together. Max doesn’t want to do sexual or gross humor, and Violet thinks she’s being a prude.

Miss Fame keeps making jokes that might be funny if delivered by Bianca Del Rio, but instead, keep falling flat. Which is better than Pearl’s trick of falling short. Meanwhile, Mrs. Kasha Davis’ Rihanna joke doesn’t land, but I think, as an act, it sounds cute. Maybe not funny, but certainly cute, if done well. Back with the skinny white bitches, Pearl is giving everyone shade, for no damned reason. Which is Ru’s cue to ask them who’s the harshest, and they all side eye Pearl without saying anything.

While recording, Katya overdoes it as a drunk skank, and Lucian Piane has to pull her back. Miss Fame is almost there, but doesn’t quite hit all the notes, which seems to be a thing with her. Trixie Mattel buckles. Pearl is all over the place, and I’m not sure where this REALLY nasty side of Miss Fame came from. Is Pearl a contender for Miss Fame’s place as platonic fuck buddy of Trixie? Jaidynn does her schitck of being nervous and failing and then getting a hug and hitting a solid. Violet’s never sung before and snaps at Lucian, because she can. Ginger’s team has lots of vibrato and Mrs Kasha Davis’ singing inspires Ginger to describe it as if “Ethel Merman and Paul Lynde had a love child” and I think we should just crown her RIGHT NOW.

While rehearsing for the video, Miss Fame has a lot to say about choreography, and everyone just lets her, except Pearl, who’s just exuding Bitch like she was a 14 year old boy wearing Drakkor Noir. While shooting, this team has a number of misses, including a rotisserie chicken number. Exactly. Michelle Visage gets the snipers ready. The other teams film and RuPaul doesn’t like the lyric making fun of Drag U, though, to be fair, Ginger’s team only said it was a rough spot, and it kinda was, at least with the ratings. Afterwards, Kennedy Davenport talks about Sahara Davenport, which really throws a wrench in the feeling of this episode.

On the mainstage, RuPual looks like a giant exotic drink and I want to stick an umbrella in her and lap it up. Everyone’s in green dresses, just for Michelle. What I don’t get is how are ALL of them tripping on their hems? The videos are exactly what you’d expect them to be and Kennedy ends up the winner. During the judges critique, Pearl is asked if she’s a stoner, and notice how SHE NEVER ANSWERS THE QUESTION, and instead just gets really paranoid. Some queens are better than others, and it looks like Pearl and Trixie will be lip synching. Trixie is ready, though they both look nervous and slightly defeated. In the end Pearl stays and Trixie sashays ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME?!!!!!!! WHAT THE EVERLIVING FUCK? PEARL SAT THERE WOBBLING LIKE THE WORST LITTLE GOTH EVER AND TRIXIE GAVE US A REALLY ON POINT PERFORMANCE AND I DON’T FUCKING UNDERSTAND WHAT’S GOING ON AND I NEED SOMEONE TO HOLD MY HAIR WHILE I SET EVERYTHING ON FIRE!!!!

Join us next week when I post this from jail after BURNING THIS SHIT TO THE GROUND!