The Queensboro Bridge is one of the most iconic crossings in the world. It spans the East River along side the world famous Roosevelt Island Cable Car. The bridge draws thousands of tourists and commuters per day. It also is one of the only toll-free crossings in all of New York City.
One of the best parts of the bridge is that it is available to pedestrians. Along the walkway is a chain link fence where many people leave locks with messages on them. Others are blank, leaving only the ones that have placed them to know their true meaning. It’s definitely something you have to look for but priceless when you find them.
NEW YORK
Theater Review: Every Day A Visitor
For most people, the thought of spending their golden years in a nursing facility brings an overwhelming sense of dread. After all, in such a stifling environment, there isn’t much to do but sit around, play cards, listen to one another complain about the food and personal ailments (provided the hearing aids are intact) , and wait for a knock on the door from the man with the hooded black cloak. For the residents of a Jewish Nursing Home in the Bronx, there is a livelier alternative. In Richard Abrons’ off Broadway play, Every Day a Visitor, this alternative is a world of imagination. Instead of living a painfully drab existence, these spirited seniors decide to take on personas of well known political figures to “role play” themselves into a happier state of mind. While it doesn’t eliminate their realities, it certainly alleviates the monotony of their day to day routines. From Mayor LaGuardia to Bella Abzug, Henry Kissinger to Golda Meir, new dialogues are created and eventually, this all too often forgotten sect of society is reinvigorated.
It is refreshing to see a show that both illuminates and empowers the elderly. Usually, they become stereotyped and neglected by a youth obsessed media driven by beauty and botox. Here, we meet older individuals who realize that, while circumstances may not change, self-perception and self-respect can be altered. While it seems like fortune cookie wisdom, it is a gentle reminder for young and old alike
Unlike other quality works of entertainment that have paved paths for the aging (Recall TVs classic Golden Girls and Ron Howard’s 1985 film Cocoon) Every Day a Visitor has a scarcity of laugh out loud moments. Yet it succeeds in holding a continuous smile. The didactic script can sometimes feel more like a lecture and less like a night at the theater. Perhaps to the great delight of these veteran actors, some of the cast appear to be too spritely to be among the downtrodden and feeble. But under Margaret Perry’s sound direction, Every Day A Vistor takes a maudlin notion and turns it into a breezy, yet poignant piece of accessible theater.
Every Day A Visitor plays off-Broadway at Clurman Theater on Theater Row (410 W. 42nd between 9th and 10th) Now playing through Dec. 14th. Tickets available at the box office, online, . https://www.telecharge.com/Off-Broadway/Every-Day-a-Visitor/Overview?AID=AFF000022800&cm_mmc=Maxamoo-_-affiliate-_-web-_-AFF000022800 or by phone: 212-239-6200
Theater Review: The Preacher and The Shrink
The Preacher and the Shrink by playwright Merle Good may well be one the most incredulous plays I have ever seen. The plot centers on Dr. Michael Hamilton (Tom Galantich), a grief stricken minister from rural Pennsylvania whose wife recently passed away from breast cancer. His mentally unstable daughter Constance (Adria Vitlar) has returned home from New York City to rekindle the estranged relationship with her father. Both are dealing with their loss in different ways: Constance copes by being angry and disbelieving in God; Dr. Hamilton mourns in a stoic, quiet way while his once solid, now floundering Christian faith is tested. So far, it has a basis for decent Theological debate. Here is where it takes a turn into the ridiculous zone: Constance has been seeking aid from Dr. Alexandra Bloomfield (Dee Hoty), a caring, but somewhat hard-nosed psychiatrist who just happens to be visited upon by Constance’s Daddy. Bloomfield starts counseling Hamilton and they soon “remember” that they were once childhood sweethearts. Will they rekindle this long past romance? Are you still awake? If so, you’ll soon be zooming down another path of unintentional silliness. Constance makes a sexual harassment claim against one of her father’s church pastors, Rev. David Wheeler (Mat Hostetler). She is willing to drop the charges against him if– well, I won’t ruin it. This play has done enough damage to itself.
This hackneyed script is chock full of pithy lines including, “Grief can tear a family apart”, “I used to think a scar was a sign of hope, but now I think a scar is just a scar” and the ever- so- insightful, “Life can take many turns.” For audience members, a U-turn from the theater might be the best direction.
Luckily, there are a few redemptive qualities in this ill-conceived mess. Vitlar is a promising young actor who gives layered dimensions to her mentally conflicted Constance. Three time Tony award nominee Hoty makes the best of bad writing by delivering Bloomfield’s lines with the best professionalism she can muster. Brian Prather provides a practical, but pleasing set that works
nicely as Bloomfield’s psychiatric office.
Good’s purpose for authoring The Preacher and the Shrink is no doubt well intended. The themes of spiritual conflict and questioning Deity can make for gripping, thoughtful drama. But here, his foundation is flimsy from the start and continues to falter throughout. While it won’t shake any religious beliefs you may have, you may leave questioning your own faith in choosing a better play.
The Preacher and the Shrink is playing now at the Beckett Theater on Theater Row (410 W. 42nd street between 9th and 10th) Tickets available at the box office, online at: https://www.telecharge.com/eventoverview.aspx?cityName=NY%20City%20Area&productId=9918 or by phone: 212-239-6200.
Theater Review: “Big Fish”
The hype is true. Undeniably, absolutely, one-hundred percent true. Rarely do I cave into “must-see” hysteria from popular and artistic culture. When I am told that something or someone is too extraordinary to be missed, I subconsciously set my expectations high. So high in fact, that upon seeing the “not-to-be-missed” performance, this self-proclaimed “Snooty Crankypants” greets the mass acclaim with my usual temperate response: “That was OK.” And then I creep back into my curmudgeonly dungeon and wait for the next over blown phenomenon to arrive.
In this rare case, I have joined the leagues of wise musical theater aficionados who have placed Norbert Leo Butz on a towering pedestal. From major roles in Rent, Wicked, Dirty Rotten Scoundrels and Catch Me If You Can, this flexible showman rightfully joins the ranks of Broadway royalty. Butz is in fact, one of our finest contemporary theater performers and is triumphantly leading an accomplished cast in Director Susan Stroman’s production of Big Fish.
This splashy musical is based on the novel by Daniel Wallace, and the Columbia Pictures film written by John August. August also wrote the book to this stage version. Big Fish tells the story of Edward Bloom (Butz), a small town “average joe” who is known for spinning hyperbolic tales of grandeur to family and friends. Bloom’s son, Will (Bobby Steggert) , is about to tie the knot and fears that his now elderly father, whom he barely understands, will hijack the ceremony with one of his infamous fables. Shortly following the wedding, both father and son are faced with life altering moments and slowly start to learn more about one another. Much of the narrative unfolds in the past through Edward’s “memory” and Butz has the daunting task of playing him both as a young man and a now aging senior. If Tony voters don’t recognize his flawless performance, we might as well call Suzanne Somers and ask her if she is available to revive her catastrophic one woman show, The Blonde in the Thunderbird. In other words, Butz is a shoe-in for at least a nomination. While not a matinee idol in the traditional sense, he brings immeasurable acting flexibility, humor, charm and winsome warmth to this demanding leading man role.
What makes Edward’s life story so pleasantly curious is the fact that it has been either exaggerated or completely fabricated. What is the purpose of it all? In his own words: “Surprise ending. Wouldn’t want to ruin it for you.” While I won’t ruin the surprise ending, I would advise that you bring an ample supply of Kleenex. The final moments of the show will soften even the hardest of hearts. My guest and I, along with most theatregoers, exited to the streets with tears in our eyes–an indication that this piece has served its purpose of affirming life and portraying grace extended beyond boundaries.
But like the central character (and every human being for that matter), the show itself is not without its’ flaws. Much of the criticism I have towards this stage adaptation is the very same criticism I had from the 2003 film. Both are too long. Bloom’s stories, while whimsical and imaginative, frequently begin to stagnate into a sea of boredom. Similar to an unruly drunk uncle at a family gathering who has repeated the same stories for the last five years, we wish that we could simply fast forward to a fresh chapter.
Composer Andrew Lippa has penned some tuneful and memorable songs for the show, most of which have a driving, rambling, country essence. Appropriately, they match the restless spirit of Edward Bloom and the small town from which he hails. In particular, Edward’s songs, (“Be the Hero”,”Fight the Dragons”) serve as cheery self-help anthems-reminding us to reach beyond ourselves and to carve our own destinies. Sure they border on schmaltz, but just a touch adds richness to the mix. In Act two, Sandra Bloom (the elegant and classy Kate Baldwin) delivers a straightforward, but lovely ballad (“I Don’t Need a Roof”) about the unfailing love for her husband and the power of marriage. Some of the other music however, becomes as tedious as the tall tales and does little to propel the story.
The trend of Image projections seem to crop up in a majority of Broadway shows these days and while I am not usually a fan, designers Julian Crouch, Benjamin Pearcey, and Donald Holder have brought us a panorama of beauty and spectacle which perfectly complements, but never upstages the story.
The ensemble of Big Fish is solid and everyone is bringing top talent to the stage. But the show truly belongs to Edward Bloom. While you should be suspicious about how he is weaving the story of his own life, it would be foolish not to believe that Butz has breathed inexhaustible life into him and is giving us a legendary performance that will be talked about in truth for years to come.
Big Fish, which opened on Oct. 6th has unfortunately posted a closing notice for Dec. 29th, 2013. I could be cheeky and use puns like, “Get a ticket before the fish swims away” or “You’ll be hooked by Big Fish” but I’ll simply be dull and boring and say. “Go see it!”
Big Fish is playing now through Dec. 29th 2013 at the Neil Simon theater (250 W. 52nd street between Broadway and 8th Avenue). Tickets available at the box office, online at http://www.ticketmaster.com/Big-Fish-a-New-Broadway-Musical-tickets/artist/1859083or by phone: 877-250-2929
New York City Photography: 5 Ave Homeless
In New York City, there is no greater divide between the haves and, quite literally, the have-nots than in Midtown Manhattan. According to reports from CBRE in 2012, rents between 49th and 59th Street on 5th Avenue were $3,000/ sq ft. Tourists line up to pay $60 for a t shirt and there are 24 hour computer stores. However, lost amongst the glitz and glamor are those who have fallen through the cracks of city society. Those whose stories are too infinite to mention and whose circumstances are too complicated to explain. They sleep on church steps and subsist on hand outs and charity.
If you have followed this journal you have seen some of these photos before. One could argue that it has been some what exploitative of me to use others destitution as “art”. I assure you that was never my intention, but only to simply showcase life as I saw it. However, I think there may be some merit to that argument. In order to rectify this I am re-presenting those same photos in this journal specifically to raise awareness to their plight.
In the end, it really doesn’t matter what keeps them on the streets, be it drugs, or mental illness, or disability, or anything else; just as it doesn’t matter what you do about it, as long as you do something. Give something. Even if all you do is think about it and discuss it in polite company. I hope that by doing this journal I have done something. I hope to do more.
A Restaurant to Call His Own: Fred Mero and the New La Rosetta
Now you may not have heard of La Rosetta, but Fred Mero’s name has been synonymous with many great food establishments, such as the four seasons and the boathouse in the New York City scene over the past 20 years. Now he has gone off on his own with Vincenzo Roberto to open up La Rosetta.
One thing that was clear throughout the meal was the attention to detail. They cook with a “process well worth it.” I came in on a cold afternoon and asked the chef to take his pick and cook for me what he would want.
Mero’s process was clearly evident in the Arugula salad. What seems like a simple salad was taken to the next level with its details. The salad was a Hydro Arugula Salad with Muscat raisins, shaved aged Parmiggiano, Marcona almonds with a Vin cotto dressing. I was amazed at how much I enjoyed this salad, because I am not a huge fan of raisins. They just don’t tend to be my thing, but these were homemade raisins and where we can see that “process well worth it.” Chef Mero takes the Muscat grapes and roasts them over night in a very low temperature oven. This process pulls all of the flavor into the raisin and creates a texture that is far more pleasing in a salad than your typical raisin, plus they do not stick to your teeth. There is a creaminess the raisin that compliments that pure and beautiful Marcona Almonds and rich Vin cotto dressing with the bitter greens. This is a salad that I would not have ordered on my own; but I was more than happy enjoying every bite of the delicate salad.
Next course; Seafood Risotto. Risotto is a fickle thing. Everyone has their perspective and way of doing it. Some want it soupier, some like it drier. I like a good texture and toasting on my rice. That was the one thing missing for the beautiful bowl. That warm toasted texture would have put this stick to the ribs dish over the top. The lobster was cooked to perfection. Fresh large chunks of that delicious white and red meat danced in the lemon parsley with grace. The calamari and muscles were absolutely perfectly cooked. All of the seafood was incredible fresh and clean, pure white and shinny (right where it should be). The jumbo shrimp were delicious and served with the heads on. So if you’re adventurous you can enjoy sucking the briny head and popping a little post Halloween eyeball into your mouth (no joke they happen to be delicious).
To close out the meal, I requested something very light. Next thing I knew there was a beautiful bowl presented to me with banana ice cream, fresh berries, a light cookie, a beautiful classic lemon sorbet and a small sprig of mint. At first I wondered banana and lemon, really is that a flavor combo you really want; but it sure is. I loved it. The cookie added a nice texture, but the extra crumb did not actually add enough texture to be noted. Once again the freshness of the ingredients was clear with the berries. The lemon sorbet cleaned my palate and re-energized me to get started on my way.
All and all I truly enjoyed La Rosetta. I have no need to wonder why Ruth Reichl had called Fred Mero’s cooking perfect in the past. Here he is at La Rosetta without the support of a big name working to develop his very own passionate organic and sustainable version of foodie nirvana.
But if you don’t believe me, please check out any of these reviews… CBS, Zagat’s and Manhattan Sideways.
New York City Photography: Pershing Square
In the heart of New York City, there is a tiny section named Pershing Square. However, in all of Manhattan, there is more asked of this little square than of any other neighborhood. Located directly outside Grand Central Station it serves as a gateway to all who exit the old, Art Deco designed train station. Emerging from it’s doors is like a trip back in time and a welcome to the modernity of the city all in a first glance.
William Blake: Croonin’ the Blues for Etta James
William Blake delivers his songs with sass, sensuality, and soul—sometimes all three in one number! Manhattan Digest’s Ryan Leeds caught up with this explosive rhythm and blues artist about his upcoming Etta James tribute show at NYC’s finest jazz club, Birdland. Just don’t talk during his set- or he will call you out!
RL: This is the third engagement of your Etta James tribute at Birdland. What drew you specifically to her?
WB: My parents had great taste in music. R&B was really their “bag” so I grew up listening to Sam Cooke, Otis Redding, Ike and Tina Turner, and others. I think what really attracted me to Etta James was the kind of woman that she was. She went through a lot of hardships and struggled for a long time in the music industry. I just really found her life story fascinating.
RL: What do you want your audiences to know about Etta James?
WB: That she had more songs than just her popular ones (“At Last, “Sunday Kind of Love”). More importantly is the pure joy that she had in performing. She was vivacious and captivating and really knew how to rouse an audience.
RL: Is there one particular song of hers that is your absolute favorite?
WB: Probably “Fool That I Am.” It’s a song that describes how it feels to love someone when they don’t love you back. We’ve all felt that way at one time or another. Anyone who says they haven’t is lying. So I think that this song really tugs at my heartstrings.
RL: Your show will have back-up from “The Peaches.” Tell me a bit about how they were formed and the origin of their name?
WB: The Peaches were actually Michael Thomas Murray’s idea. In addition to being my best friend, he is my musical director and arranger. Initially, it was just going to be a rhythm section and me. When we started working on “Echoes of Etta”, Michael was trying to create this “doo-wop” girl group so we decided to add them. Etta James had two backup singers known as The Peaches and I have three (Ashley Betton, Shira Elias, and Stephany Mora.) They will also be presenting some songs from their own tribute show to the Queen of Soul, Aretha Franklin.
RL: Your background is primarily in theater . How did you get into the cabaret scene?
WB: I went to college for theater but left after my sophomore year. I was fortunate to be getting so many singing gigs. After I was on the fourth season of American Idol my gigs picked up even more. It’s really been rewarding to play such esteemed rooms. Returning to Birdland with this show is the biggest thrill we can ask for. We love playing this club so much because it’s our home and the best club in the world!
RL: What other music legends have you drawn inspiration from?
WB: In terms of contemporary artists, Kurt Elling and my great friend and colleague, Jane Monheit. Past artists would include Ella Fitzgerald and Billie Holiday.
RL: What is your assessment of the popular singers today in terms of their style and techniques?
WB: I don’t really listen to newer artists. I’m really an “old soul” when it comes to music so I don’t get into “Glee”, Demi Lovato, Miley Cyrus, or Lady Gaga. I think that those artists are still finding themselves and are growing up. But we’ll continue to find them interesting in adulthood if they stay in the industry. In terms of vocal style, leave the pyrotechnics at home because you know, if you play with fire, you’re gonna get burned.
RL: Who is the absolute one singer you would give anything to meet and/or sing with?
WB: Nikka Costa. She is a funky, solid, well-rounded musician. I would give my right arm to be on stage with her!
RL: If you could go back in time and see any live performer who would it be?
WB: Judy Garland- either at The Palace or Carnegie Hall. Her Carnegie Hall recording is still in print. To have been a fly on the wall of that space for that concert would have been a dream come true.
RL: What is your advice to those seeking a career as a vocal artist?
WB: Stay true to who you are. Sing what you know and be passionate about it. The Etta James songs are songs I connect with. If you don’t connect, trash it and move on. Also, find a great musical director you trust.
RL: Do you have any pre or post show rituals?
WB: I don’t really sleep well the night before a show because I’m so excited. I put on a lot of music and jam out. And before my show, I have to have bourbon on the rocks- but just one!
RL: How do you take care of your voice?
WB: I have an ENT I see once or twice a month, especially since I suffer from allergies. I also stay practical in rehearsals by not over singing and try to stay quiet on the day of the show.
RL: Cleary your audiences love you, but are there any particular pet peeves from a live audience that really annoy you
WB: Not really. I’ve been heckled by the best of them. I will just heckle right back. I remember one night, there was a loud audience member who kept yelling from his seat. After every song he would say, “Oh my gosh! This is the best show I’ve ever seen!” It was flattering, but he was pretty obnoxious. At one point, I looked at him and said, “I know this is the best show, right?!!? Now will you please sit back and just be quiet!” The audience just loved it. Talking during my set is also a pet peeve. But I know how to deal with it; I just call them right out on it!
RL: So what’s on your docket after the Etta James show?
WB: I started out singing in piano bars at 19 years old. Next month, I’ll be returning to do that again on a week long cruise to the Mexican Riviera. I’m really excited about it because I need a vacation! After that, I’ll be performing private engagements through the end of the year.
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WHAT: Echoes of Etta II featuring William Blake, Mike Murray & The Peaches – 7PM, Doors open at 5PM
WHEN: Monday, Oct. 28th 2013
WHERE: Birdland Jazz Club, 315 West 44th Street New York NY 10036.
Price: $30 Cover, $10 minimum
WEB: http://www.birdlandjazz.com/event/396675-william-blake-michael-thomas-new-york/
NYC Food and Wine Festival’s Meatpacking Uncorked 2013
New York City’s Food and Wine Festival took place this weekend. Every event has its highs and lows and as did the Meatpacking Uncorked presented by Cupcake Vineyards. This was one of the few events that was affordable for the average Jo who wants to swim with the big food fishies.
Twenty-two food vendors and thirty-two wine stops filled NYC from West 16th to Horatio street between 9th and 10th Avenue. Now if your thinking where exactly, then you and I are on the same page. I found myself constantly needing to find a seat to look at the map, my maps app and the food and wine key found in the materials you received from the welcome center. Thank god for wearing flats…ladies I hope you wore the same if not, I recommend ice and sipping on that vino you picked up somewhere along the way. Of the twenty two food vendors I was able to hit ten of them; Bagatelle, GOBurger Truck, Gorilla Cheese NYC, Korilla BBQ, Luke’s Lobster, Macelleria, Mac Truck NYC, Old Traditional Polish Cuisine, Rouge Tomate’s Cart in the Park and STK Meatpacking. Of the ten vendors I truly enjoyed 5, found two to be okay, and three I would not eat again. My top 5 included Bagatelle, Luke’s Lobster, Macelleria, Mac Truck NYC and STK Meatpacking.
Bagatelle’s Tuna Tartar was delicious. It was perfectly spiced with the lime juice bringing the whole spoon together and the taro chips to add the right texture to the succulent bite. The only issue with the spoon (aside from there not being more) was that the beautiful tuna was cut in advance and had started to oxidize and give that grey color…good thing it was dark out. Regardless this was still my favorite bite of the night, again too bad it was just a bite.
Luke’s Lobster served deliciously sweet shrimp roll on buttery toasted half hot dog rolls. Your traditional sweet shrimp roll was served quickly and eaten easily while listening to the blues grass quartet play on the city street. They did not let the experience part of the evening get away from them. It was one of the more enjoyable stops of the night.
Macelleria served a delicious Polenta Crostini with Bolognese Ragu and Pecorino Toscano. The Polenta was nicely salted and seasoned and served as a nice vesicle for the Bolognese Ragu, expect someone must have forgotten to order the forks for the event or really scere off the Polenta because it fell apart when you picked up the solidified cornmeal cup. The serving looked whimsically like a piece of bone with the marrow ready for your to suck it out. The Bolognese Ragu was also very nicely seasoned and had that fresh from grandma’s stove feel to it; warming me from the inside. But, I did not get to enjoy the Pecorino Toscano as advertised. Not I’m not sure if it was just too little to be noted or if my tray did not get that hit of cheese before leaving the busy kitchen.
Mac Truck NYC; what can I say about Braised Beef Short Ribs served over mac and cheese. Except for maybe, “More, Please!” The mac was al dente and creamy and would be missing a serious amount of salt; except for the incredibly tender and rich short rib that was on top. I was ready to turn in for the night, if someone was to give me a vat of that, I would high tailed it home to cuddle up on the with a deep zinfandel and just manja! It would have been very had to get anything to-go, since they ran out of food early.
STK Meatpacking provided such a nicely seasoned and sceared hanger steak with a outstanding earthy mushroom puree. The only problem I had was with the size of the piece of steak. I wish it was cut down further so that I could really sop up all of that mushroom puree with the steak in a couple of bites. Instead I enjoyed that one big juice bite with as much of the puree I could get in there while still trying to save face and not completely embarrass myself. (Which I think I would have if I started licking that plate) Not for the not so great news; Old Traditional Polish Cuisine and Rouge Tomate’s Cart in the Park. Old Traditional Polish Cuisine; Well, i’m a Russian Polish woman, I have eaten my fair share of traditional perogi, and I left here a bit disappointed. I was lucky enough to not have to choose between the meat and cheese preparations; but I could have skipped the meat one all together. The question I have is, well, what type of meat did I just eat. That’s not what I want to wonder about. The meat was dry and had lots of other flavors or onions and spices, but I just could not get past how dry the filling was. The dough for both of the perogi’s was very good. A little greasy, but all and all the was a nice texture and feel to the wrappings. The cheese perogi was very good; rich and creamy, just greasier than I would have wanted.
Rouge Tomate’s Cart in the Park disappointed me. I love their restaurant, I love their summer time cart by central park, I love how the treat and respect the food. The problem here was not with the chefs if was with the way the Squash Soup was handled. Despite the speed in which people were able to get through the line at their food truck stop; the soup was too cold to taste the flavors that were really in there. I am almost positive that if they were able to keep the heat on the soup much closer to serving it the soup would have been delightful. Instead it was very one noted by the time the not at all steaming cup got to my mouth. This was the ONLY one stop along the way where water was provided. You had a choice of water and or iced coffee, which I greatly appreciated.
Now for the stops that did not fare so well; Korilla BBQ, GO Burger and Gorilla Cheese NYC. Now it might be surprising to see Korilla BBQ on this end of my list. But they are here for one reason and one reason alone. I am allergic to RAW red onions. So whenever I go somewhere where red onions are a main part of the cuisine (Mexican, Thai, etc) I always ask, “Does this contain any RED ONIONS?” I was told no. And thankfully waited to get onto the next line to eat this dish (where there was light), because the first thing I saw were diced red onion. I went as far to ask about their salsa and if that had any red onions. The answer was no, but what they really meant was yes. We have red onions layered throughout the dish. I handed my dish off to the ladies in line with me and they were happy to have the food. But as far as I am concerned, you put my health at risk. I do not appreciate that, and I believe it is a big problem in the food industry. Chefs, waiters and management need to work together to make sure that people with food allergies, intolerances and other pathologies do not have to fear eating; they should be able to enjoy food nearly just as much as anyone else.
GO Burger NYC was just way, way, way to dry to enjoy. They said the burger was going to be dry BLT Dry Aged Beef Sliders. They would have benefited from serving water. But I did not see anything resembling a BLT, as in no bacon, no lettuce and no tomato was provided. I enjoy dry aged meats but I do not enjoy dry meat. Too bad we got dry meat with nicely caramelized onions on a very bready slider role. All and all I got dry out of this bit and it was certainly not worth the time spent on the line.
Gorilla Cheese NYC did not do much better. Their bread was soggy and the cheese was cold, despite being melted and just tasted like your typical processed American cheese on soggy buttery white bread. The only redeeming quality from this stop was the greasy tater tots. They were crisp and flavorful despite leaving my fingers, and tongue with a little layer of grease after consumption. All and all if you were going with your friends for a food and wine scavenger hunt in NYC, this was the place to be. But, if you went for the food; you may have been seriously disappointed with the large wait times and confusing materials provided by the food and wine festival creators.
Lights, Camera, and a Golden Chariot to the Bronx
The boogie down Bronx got the party started well after dark. Perhaps it was the proximity of apartment buildings that line the Grand Concourse, a street name that suffered from delusions of grandeur. However, my Grindr application kept me distracted while Tiny entertained his guests behind a closed door.
We arrived by taxi to an eclectic neighborhood. Tiny was formidable, at 7ft tall in heels. He was brought down to earth when he pulled his dress up and started peeing in the middle of the street. The inevitable pit stop concluded after a long night of binge drinking at Secrets, where I told Miss America to not let those hoes hate on her. How classy and delightful! She laughed and I bought another cocktail.
I accompanied Tiny to the Bronx, because the trek to Brooklyn was endless. So, there we were walking, until we ran into his husband, who was heading out to start his shift at some fast food institution. However, I had no idea that was license for Tiny to start his shift as well. Who had time to do hair when you can suck and go for ten minutes per session? You don’t even have to go to college to learn that. It’s a trade he picked up at night school on the corner of Teen Pregnancy and Abortion.
Four guys and four hours later, his blond mane and smeared make-up made him look exhausted. His night time drag was show time for his sex sessions. Drag is the thing when dealing with sex zombies in the neighborhood. He handled the men one at a time like a self-checkout line—CVS style. No CVS card required. One more guy probably would have gotten us free burgers and fries.
Instead he charged $20 for each joyride, whether the client got off or not. Apparently, they had 15 minutes to reach their euphoric destination. You can tell, which ones did based upon their facial expressions when they left the room.
“You going to do me like that,” he said. “I’m a good customer.”
Tiny dismissed him and brought the next one in. Survey says out of the four candidates, two smiles, a frown, and a blank expression equipped with a limp were recorded. The findings were inclusive.
As the sun soared, I began to reflect on the events that transpired, until Tiny appeared at the entrance of his doorway, naked with two hands covering his Yankee doodle. Was the gateway to $20 happy meals opening up for me? Some portals should remain closed, and luckily for me it did.
“At $20 a pop, does that make me a prostitute?” Tiny asked. “Well, I don’t care. I made my cab money back.”
I shrugged my shoulders and took another sip of wine. I couldn’t handle hard news before noon.