muscle bear

Muscle Bears At The Gym: Gym-timidation or Insecurity?

As the New Year has begun, the inevitable list of Resolutions are made by millions of people to start their year off right and change something that they are currently doing for the better. The most common resolution people make is of course to lose weight, and that couldn’t be further from the truth when you go to your local gym for the first couple of months in the year and notice the overcrowding of said “Resolution-ers”. Many of them happen to break those resolutions and eventually the gym becomes the regulars that you see on a daily basis. So what happens when you are one of the people who stick to your resolution, have weight to lose, and are surrounded by men who from your own point of view have met their goals and then some? We are talking about the muscle bears, gym bunnies and general men who are in great shape that to the average Joe’s out there are looking to in some way resemble them whether it is for muscle mass or a lean physique. When it comes from someone who is looking to achieve their workout goals but aren’t there yet, do we view these men as intimidating because of their physique or is it merely insecurity that each of us experience on our own end?

Muscle Bear, Manhattan Digest — Heaviest at the left, lightest at the right.

I myself am someone who resides both in New York City for work and Long Island where I live. For years I used to go to a local gym on Long Island where for the most part it is a wide gamut of people, both men and women, of all ages, shapes and sizes. The “gym-timidation” wasn’t necessarily there as it seemed to be more regular people going and just enjoying their time. I weighed at my heaviest 280 and when I went to these local gyms my main focus was in fact just losing the weight and that was it. It was very easy for me to drop after a while and at my lightest I was 215. I felt amazing and the constant affirmations I would get from friends and family helped that cause out. Due to my work schedule in New York City, going to the gym back at home became a bit of an exhaustive type of thing due to my long commute back home and I figured going to one in the city would be beneficial for me as I would still have a ton of energy that I can burn off after I left work. So I decided to join one in the city, a primarily gay one. That is when the focus for me shifted a bit.

I joined the brand new Crunch Fitness on 19th and 8th, and was able to get a pretty sweet deal due to knowing a guy who at that point worked there as a trainer. This was where the shift for me really occurred. It became a situation where the majority of the men in there were Adonis like, ranging from my age to above and they were everywhere in a much smaller space than my last gym. Whether doing cardio, arms, legs or whatever floats your boat there they would be right in front of you, lifting more than your entire body plus 200 pounds or doing some insane leg workout you thought was reserved for freak show acts at the circus. On top of that, you have the locker room. As amazing as they would look, the comparisons would become that much greater as it became increasingly awkward to walk around in a towel (designed for washing dishes, not bodies FYI) and seeing where they are aceing and you are not quite there yet. Now this is just my common experience, and it does read insecurity of course as it has been an epic battle to get where my body needs to be, but do these quote unquote “Muscle Bears” make us feel this way due to how they look and interact at the gym, or really is it that unique individual whose insecurity breeds in these types of situations?

I took off five months off recently from the gym for whatever stupid reasons I did, and now that I am back and have put on quite a bit of weight. I am back at at 4-5 times a week and am determined to get back on track and get myself to the goals that I want. Yet I did feel that insecurity come back a bit after a long time off, and decided to ask a bunch of my friends if they have had similar experiences with other guys at the gym.

“I’m intimidated by EVERYBODY fit or fat alike.” #SocialAnxiety

“It’s probably insecurity. I’ve never spoken to a guy who I thought was jacked at the gym who ended up being a douche. But I also go to serous bodybuilder gyms with less social nonsense.”

“When I was really fat and when I was really skinny, the really jacked guys were actually nice to me. They were encouraging and glad to see me in the gym making a difference. Now, the kinda-fit gym bunnies are assholes a lot of the time. They’ll be judgmental about fat people or skinny people because that’s what they do. Serious lifters love the gym and love to share that with others.”

“As someone who started at 150 and is now 170, I always feel it helps to realize that *everyone* is there for the same root goal. To be as healthy as they can be. Even the stacked ones, the thin ones, etc… “Everyone starts somewhere.” And just like anyone else in life, if they don’t care to know you, screw em. You’re there for *you.*”

“I’ve been lifting for 17 years now with every type of person possible and the facts is that you are intimidated by what and who you don’t know. People in the gym really are not paying attention to you unless you are making an absolute spectacle of yourself. Those people don’t last long.”

“The guy or girl who is just getting started out and can only bench press the bar, or less get respect. ALL of us were that guy at one time. They are trying to get ahead and should not feel as intimidated as they think. Lifters of all types just have more muscle. On the inside, they are still the same and get it. In fact, most would be happy to give a tip or two; just ask for help after they have completed their set. Respect begets respect. If the intimidation is too great however, then spend the extra money and get a trainer or join crossfit/bootcamp/etc to build your confidence level. There are so many ways to skin a cat, you just have to find the right one that fits your goals.”

“People often forget that bodybuilding often attracts an introverted personality… not always, of course.. but often. More extroverted men often do team sports with more social interaction. Therefore, huge guys can be somewhat introverted, but very kind and generous with information (if you catch them at the proper time). Being introverted is often mistaken for “arrogant”, “shallow”, or “narcissistic”.”

Question is here- what do YOU think about this topic? Is it intimidation or pure insecurity?

Here is a good article related to this issue.

Get To Know My Big Funny Peter A.K.A. Peter Bisuito

by Ryan Shea

Funny can come in all different shapes and sizes, but not often do we find someone of a particular physique and stature do it so well as my buddy Peter Bisuito, AKA “My Big Funny Peter” does. Peter, who resides in upstate New York, has developed quite the following for himself in recent years as his stand up gigs become bigger and bigger. I met this brooding & tall drink of muscle water over the summer at Provincetown’s epic Bear Week, in which he was one of the highlighted performances. As someone who has a bit of an intimidation factor when it comes to muscle bears, Peter couldn’t have been any more of the opposite. He was kind, sweet and funny all at the same time besides being quite the eye catcher if I may say so myself. After meeting him at Bear Week I wanted to get to know him more and most importantly how he decided to make people laugh more than just a hobby.

Peter sits down and discusses with me how he got into the industry, what makes him laugh the most, how his Bear Week experience was and what the future holds for him and My Big Funny Peter. Take a look.

Manhattan Digest, mybigfunnypeter.com — Credit to: Mybigfunnypeter.com

Hey Peter! So how did you get started in the comedy world in the first place?

I’ve been a performer since I was a teen-ager but its been all theater. I started as a dancer in musical theater 25 years and 90 pounds ago. Comedy is something I’ve wanted to try all my life but never had the courage to do so. But in January 2011 I hosted an awards banquet for a local theater company and asked them if I could try a bit of stand up before the ceremony. They said yes. So I wrote a 20-minute set and killed it! The audience loved me and I decided from that point on I was going to pursue comedy.

Who would you say are some of your influences that helped you along the way?

Definitely my husband, Mark. He was so impressed with my comedy he actually encouraged me to quit my job and give up my income to purse comedy full-time.

Is your comedy based strictly on LGBT material or does it go outside the grain of that?

Oh God no. LGBT is only a fraction of what I do. Many of my audiences are predominately straight. I only perform in front of all gay audiences whenever I’m hired to host or headline an all-gay event. My comedy appeals to everybody. Gay, straight, young, old etc.

What makes you laugh the most on a consistent basis? Do you ever use what makes you laugh and put that into your act?

So many things make me laugh. I truly laugh all throughout the day. Whether it’s something cute and funny my dog did, or something I heard on TV. Or even something stupid that I did like trip over the end table or drop something in the toilet. I was on the couch one day watching TV and I farted so loud it scared the cat. She jumped off the couch and ran into the basement. That right there made me laugh for a good 17 days straight! And yes of course I use all of this in my act because I figure, if it made me laugh, it will certainly make an entire audience laugh!!

Peter Bisuito, Manhattan Digest — Credit to: Mybigfunnypeter.com

You obviously have a fantastic physique. Do you think aesthetic plays a huge part of being successful in the gay world?

Truthfully when I started comedy, everybody and their mother told me I would sell-out every show because of my muscular body. I have come to realize over the past few years that the way I look actually works against me. People are not used to seeing a big beefy bodybuilding comedian. People fear the unknown so when they see me they say to themselves, “Wait a minute. A big muscular comedian?? There’s no way this guy can be funny.” Especially in the gay community. If I had a dollar for every time a gay man said to me, “Are you going to perform naked?” I have a very difficult time convincing people that I’m a legitimate funny comedian. Just because I’m in shape doesn’t make my life easy. I continue to claw and scratch for every ticket I sell.

I met you over the summer at the infamous Bear Week in Provincetown. Was that your first or have you gone before? What was your show like?

Bear Week 2014 was my 3^rd time performing there. All my shows have been well received with lots of laughter and love from the audience. However, all 3 years I was about 5 or 6 tickets short of a sell-out. I’ll be back for 2015 so hopefully this will be my very first year that I will see that SOLD OUT sign across my poster!!

Seeing as you are part of the bear community where do you think we can improve on overall to make us more unified?

Actually I think the Bear community has done an amazing job at being unified. There is a whole Bear movement going on right now. We are the shit baby! There are Bear events going on all over the world!! And the nice thing about the Bear events is that we are all accepting. We truly welcome anybody whether they are Bears or not. That’s why most Bear events promote themselves not only to Bears, but to “Bear Admirers.” Can you believe it?? We are ADMIRED!! I think people love the Bears because we are always so happy and down-to-earth. And I think the reason for that is because Bears aren’t hungry! No need to be bitchy when you’re well fed!

Do you think there is enough representation of gay comedians in the mainstream media?

Hmm, I don’t really really have an opinion on this. I’ll have to think about it and give you my answer during my next interview!! J

You are based in upstate NY however if the opportunity strikes would you ever consider relocating?

Oh come on! Who wouldn’t want to live in BUFFALO for the rest of their lives?? Ha. Actually the only reason why I live in Buffalo is because my husband has a good steady job here. He’s been working there for 26 years. If he found a job elsewhere we’d move immediately. Buffalo is a great city but sometimes I feel life is passing us by. However I will say my husband always tells me that if opportunity knocks, he would want me to go. Mark and I have been together for 12 wonderful years. We love each other more now than we did when we first met. Our love continues to grow with each passing year. He wouldn’t want me to miss any opportunity no matter what. So just because I live in the big flashy and exciting city of Buffalo, doesn’t mean I would pass any opportunity that came my way.

Now that 2015 is here, what are the next steps career wise for you?

I’d really like to get an agent and/or business manager. I have the talent but I just don’t have the contacts. I think an agent would really help but unfortunately I don’t even know where to start looking for one. I’m also very excited about this awesome project I’m working on. I’m developing my own YouTube web series called Exposing Peter. It’s a show based on my comedy. There will be reality moments, scripted moments, sit-com moments. There will also be funny cooking, travel and workout segments. I already have 2 episodes complete. I’m working on a few more and I hope to make my series premiere in February or March 2015 with a new episode every month. I’m so excited at the DOZENS of viewers I’ll be getting!! So STAY TUNED!!

Anything else you want to add?

Well, I guess this is where I get a bit sentimental on your asses. I grew up extremely closeted. I thought the entire world hated me because I was gay. It caused horrible self-esteem issues. So I would make people laugh to gain their acceptance. It’s become a way of life for me. However, I got a very late start. I always wanted to make my living as a performer but my life just didn’t go in that direction. It was only 2 years ago when I decided to give up my life and my income in order to purse comedy and entertaining full-time. I put myself on food-stamps and Medicade and now I feel like I’m trying to catch up for 25 lost years! I spend every minute of my life thinking of ways to make people laugh. I want to be as successful as I can but I don’t want to wait until I’m 65. In other words, I don’t want to be Estelle Getty! So all I ask is that people share my videos, tell all your friends and follow me on social media.

Want to know more about Peter? Log on to his official site.

Why Gay Men Love To Hate Muscle Bears (And Hate To Love)

by Ryan Shea

Why Can’t We All Just Get Along (Muscle Included)?

Many of the articles that I write really come from a variety of experiences. Most of the times they are a combination of my own experiences mixed with others to culminate in what I take out of it all and put it in the best way possible so that it sparks a healthy debate between everyone else. Funny thing is with this one, it never really crossed my mind until a recent Facebook post. A good (and very smart) friend of mine put this post up regarding how the bear community views the muscle portion of it and ultimately how it really ultimately reflects on how you yourself are as a person-

“What’s so tragic is watching guys who should have loads of self-respect lost in this self-defeating exercise of defining these “muscle bears” as physically superior and themselves as losers in the same scene, and then blaming these guys they really don’t even know for their mental and spiritual discomfort. There’s a betrayal of something that has always been an awesome option for self-defining as bear, which is to know you’re as hot as you feel you are and not to give a fuck what anyone else might think. It’s the people standing in groups, bitterly dishing the guys they are attracted to who they assume aren’t into them who ruin the atmosphere at bear events, not the guys they point and sneer at.”

This wound up sparking a very long threaded debate on how men, not only in the bear community but in the gay community as a whole, view muscle guys. It really boils down to this- haters are really just haters. Let’s break this situation down, because I have done this somewhat and I know I am not the only one who has been in this corner of somewhat “hate-dom”. This is a random scenario here-

I am at a popular gay bar with a couple of my friends. All of a sudden, a group of muscle bears (or guys, whatever) walk in in an upbeat and happy mode, order drinks and stand around with the impression that they are having a great time. This will then trigger something in my head to think that even if they are having a great time and are laughing and dancing and whatnot, they are still a bunch of royal douchebags. Why? Because in a lot of guys minds, they are insanely insecure when they are around men like that. This is for so many different reasons.

1. They compare body types and feel as if they need to look like them in order to get that attention.

2. Snarl all they want, these guys want the muscle dudes to be attracted to them and if they go in with a defeated or cunty attitude about it, it just worsens the whole process.

3. This will then lead to them having minor chit chat with their other friends about said douchebags, who most of the time are just trying to enjoy themselves and not get into a weird process of guys glaring at them for no reason.

4. Bottom line, its freaking insecurity.

This can also cause a chain reaction of sorts in which I have written about so many freaking times before- separation. Division. Something that the gay community seems to fight against and want so badly to have some sort of unification yet these types of issues are working against that thought. Why do we do this to ourselves? Many times I have been at these bars and have found a swarm of guys who come from all backgrounds of life, be it size, race, finance and so forth all standing around and talking to each other and having a good time. Then again, I have also seen situations where its the Asians in one corner, the black guys playing pool, the white bears all huddled up like they are playing a game of football and the muscle guys who stick with each other for whatever reason need be. In these types of situations, everyone stands shoulder to shoulder but no one engages and keeps to themselves.

But there has to be a reason for this happening, and in my opinion it really can stem from growing up and choosing who you want to hang with on the playground, only this time around there is a lot more body hair and drinks that don’t come in a sippy cup. We might think the other group is weird or we aren’t attracted to them or the new expression of “Aint nobody got time for that”. Time for what? Unless someone provokes you or gives you a reason to not like them, why the hatred? What the hating? Why glare at someone who seems to be having a great night just because you are the one that’s angry? Then again, why be angry? Because in this situation you bring the misery on yourself as a form of self-deprication. I am guilty of it, and many others are. It stops us from really opening our eyes and enjoying what is really great about this community, especially ones who want to go to the big “bear” events and enjoy themselves wholeheartedly and not get mad if a particular group seems to be having a great time and not focusing on you. Really at the end of the day you gotta love yourself before you love anyone else. Am I quoting RuPaul here? Sure. But that line makes fucking perfect sense.

So let’s have this be a lesson to everyone- go out, enjoy YOURSELF, enjoy YOUR TIME, and not focus on the muscle guy in the corner and what they are doing. Better yet? Go up and introduce yourself. You never know what can happen and the positive effect it can have on your life. Cheers, y’all.

My interview with Modern Bear’s Travis & Chris- WOOF!

by Ryan Shea

I have been a fan of the Modern Bear guys for quite sometime, when I stumbled upon their website through a photo my friend shared not of a hot bear, but of a particular “modern” design photo that I had a similar interest to. My thought process here was, “Finally! A bear page not 100 percent devoted to shirtless men. There is thought behind this!” And that is what the Modern Bear message is truly about. They equate it to the following- Modern Design + Bears + Retro + Beefcake= THE MODERN BEAR! Travis Smith and Chris Bale, who are based out of Palm Springs, California, visited the Urban Bear festival a couple of weeks back and I got the opportunity to talk with them about a variety of things they have going on currently. Something I definitely wanted to mention was their fantastic new book called “Guide For The Modern Bear”, where they visited a variety of cities and found where is the best places to eat, shop and bar hop for the everyday MB (Modern Bear). Take a look.

So Travis, how did this whole “Modern Bear” thing start for you guys?

It’s a combination of starting it three years ago, so that was a really good time to be starting a good commercial Facebook page anyway. It was an experiment for us, a petri dish if you will, to see if anybody was interested in a “Modern Bear” concept and our formula of modern design plus bears plus retro plus beefcake. Those are the things we like. It was a free way to put it out there, and see if there was any interest in that concept and then determine if we should go further with it and produce a book and all the other things we ended up producing. There wasn’t an immediate response to it, but I would say in the last six months we added 5,000 people. It took us the past three years to get to 25,000 fans overall.

What is that increase in fans attributed to?

I think the bear thing is going mainstream, we are kind of last to become part of this trend thing. I think you will be seeing a lot more bears popping up in movies and television. Like Anne Hathaway’s best friend role in her next movie will go to a bear. It’s starting to happen. That’s one of our goals is to get a TV deal, but doing the book first is the perfect baby step for us because by processing and writing the book it also helped formulate what Modern Bear was going to be as a commercial entity.

Tell me about the book you just released.

What we love about the book and how it turned out is how accessible it is. A lot of straight people buy our book. Wives and girlfriends approach us and say “What is my boyfriend? Is he an otter? A wolf? WHAT IS HE!” It’s hysterical. It’s really funny when the book is at shelves, children gravitate toward it because it’s really cute looking of course. The shop owner usually has to explain to parents what it really is about, and sometimes they even buy it.

Chris, tell me more.

Well, the book is a hybrid. It’s a guide to all the different characters in the bear world. You got your straight up bears, you got your muscle bears, cubs, wolf like me. We are going to do this book every year and update it like so. Each of these characters right now lives in a different city and talk about the bear bars, a few places to eat both fancy and low brow, you know for the bears who want their diner food. The Modern part is mid-century modern furnishing and the stores in each place. So you got Miami, Los Angeles, New York and Barcelona and London to name a few. In the future we are going to have Vancouver and Phoenix which is actually where this whole thing started.

As an avid New Yorker would you say it is the best place to eat from your research?

Well, we did ELMO which is the best Mac N Cheese in town. Let me refer to the book actually! The Breslin is really good. That is this amazing restaurant in the ACE hotel. The Shake Shack is amazing, and Westville is my favorite place for Breakfast. We had a super cute experience at Kitchen last night. We had comfort food like Fondue which was yummy.

What are you ultimately hopeful for?

Well, we’ve always joked about being Beartha Stewart. We are two bears, a bear and a wolf, that are into design and into hot men and bringing those two worlds together in any which way we can.

On top of being incredibly friendly and sexy guys, they are also very down to earth and have a great message to share not only to the bear community but straight women and beyond. For more information on The Modern Bear guys and their story, check out their Facebook, Twitter and to shop for the book and anything else log on to their main site here.

The “infamous” bear article- What a response!

by Ryan Shea

Beyond grateful to the “Modern Bear” folks who posted my first article and got quite a healthy discussion about the bear community out there. I am very happy with the responses that it got, both negative and positive, because to me this has been a forum that I have wanted to open for a long time and now it has. So thank you to everyone in your comments and critiques (except the one who called me a Kindergartener. 26 with two college degrees here and started my own site with no one else’s help. Yup.)

I don’t really think people understood what I was trying to convey in the first article so let me change up a couple of things that I wrote in the first place. One- I have a great appreciation for all types in the gay community. The “muscle bear” comment was mainly an observation of a great amount of guys I see in the New York City area. They aren’t all like that, but a good portion that I see are. I was told that I should try communities outside of the NYC playing field that aren’t on such a larger scale, and in that response I have. I lived in Providence for five years and that has taught me that communities in smaller towns tend to be less jaded and more outgoing and friendly. You can take what you want from what I just said there, but please note that this is just from my viewpoint. We all have different ones.

The other factor here is the origins of the bear community. I have done my researched and watched documentaries on them as well. That is how I gathered information to write the article that I did. I think the bottom line is people are so hell bent on figuring out what their label is that they forget who they are in the process. It is like that scene in “Mean Girls” where the lunch room table is mapped out as to who sits where. It is very similar in the gay community. We should all just be ourselves and get along with each other so these raging hypocrisies and stereotypes can settle down a little bit.

I am more than welcomed to one or two people writing a rebuttal on this. Once again thanks to everyone that let their voices be heard and spoke their minds on this.

muscle bear

Why Can’t We All Just Get Along (Muscle Included)?

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