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If that title sounds a little on the nose, than it should be. I don’t regularly know jack-shit about the annual results of The Rock and Roll Hall of Fame induction process, nor have I ever desired too. Seeing that my I-pod basically functions as a second phallus for me, however, a lot of people seem to think I keep up to date with developments in popular music like this, but frankly I’m too busy listening to (insert relatively obscure 90s indie band here) to care what’s playing on the radio these days. So when my editor asked me if I wanted to write an opinion piece on who will get into the Hall of Fame this year…I immediately jumped at the opportunity! So here is my (minutely researched) views on 2014’s nominees!

Who Will Likely Get In…

Nirvana

Nirvana-suits

Whether it’s out of sympathy for Kurt, or the fact that they were the most important rock band of the 90s that wasn’t named Pavement or Radiohead, the Seattle grunge trio is pretty much the only sure-fire bet

Yes

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For years people have been saying how unjust it is that the progressive rock god-fathers King Crimson have never even received a nomination from the institution, so maybe placing a more successful prog rock band in their ranks will silence the haters….or actually potentially make them even more angry!

Peter Gabriel

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Well Genesis already made the cut…

Cat Stevens

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Ricky Gervais loves him, so why can’t we all?

The Zombies

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They’re a British Invasion band…why the fuck aren’t they inducted already!?

Who Should Get In…

The Replacements

The-Replacements

They picked up where the Buzzcocks left off and made punk even more accessible to the masses, but they did it in an even more mature and refined way. Thing is…it’s not likely they’ll get in before The Smiths do.

N.W.A.

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It would be a great double whammy for hip-hop heads if N.W.A. got in this year as Public Enemy did last, but the west coast gangsta pioneers are a little too violent and profane to grace The Hall just yet.

LL Cool J

ll-cool-j-beats-down-burglar

Certainly an odd choice amongst this year’s nominees, but I feel he’d fit nicely in the hall’s progression towards incorporating hip-hop into their historical component. It’s important that people realize he was the first rapper to…sell-out?

…and Who the Fuck Are These Guys?

The Paul Butterfield Blues Band

Chic

Hall and Oates

Linda Ronstadt

Link Wray

Easiest post I ever wrote. As David Bowie would say: “Wham, bam, thank you Ma’mm!”