You know what’s a drag? Adore’s personality.
Previously on “RuPaul’s Drag Race,” we had the Big Opening. This sounds like “Big Concert,” which was the code name for Fiona’s evil plan in the movie “Josie and the Pussycats?” I’m not sure if I’d rather be watching that.
There’s a hint at a big showdown, that doesn’t really follow through. Bianca immediately labels Laganja as “irritating, young, and foolish.” She’s not wrong. Gia makes a fat joke. Really? Courtney and Adore talk about being on Australian/American Idol, which Courtney immediate goes for the jugular. Adore isn’t happy, but can’t process words moving that quickly. Gia goes “You girls . . . look good.” No one is impressed with the pause.
Gia informs us that she doesn’t like messy or cheap drag, which makes me wonder why she’s here. Shemail ends up being a lot of screaming and don’t go into the light. Today, we’ll be doing something horror inspired, but first the queens need to pair off with someone not from their original group. They will be creating one lip-synching body, and at first, I have no idea what’s going to happen. Of course, after watching Courtney Act say, “I’m the . . . top,” and seeing what happens after, I’m still not sure what we watched. Ru does, however, and picks Milk and Adore as the winners of the mini-challenge. It’s time to put the Fear in Fierce, and it’s an acting challenge! The queens will be staring in “Drag Race Me to Hell” and one of its sequels. One will be in the 60’s and one in the 80’s and you can see Adore’s face just light up at the prospect of the 80s. Milk and Adore choose their teams, and choose the members of their groups. Milk says that he’s really not into anyone from the other team. I think he should be a member of MY team, but that’s a different reality show.
So, Adore is going totally 80’s in a way that only someone who has no memories of the 80’s can do. And it turns out that almost none of this team can act, or at least, almost all of them, except Ben, were miscast. It also turns out that Gia’s never heard of a Delorean. Of course she hasn’t. Laganja’s worried.
Milk’s team comes in in a much more sedate manner. Trinity has most of the lines, and is worried since she’s not an actor, and this throws her of a bit. Joslyn is actually funnier than I expected. Trinity explains that she is doing Sassy Ghetto, but is told to give that to the camera, not the back of the room. Adore makes a comment about how Libras are good leaders, and I have no idea what horoscope she’s reading, since us Libras are artsy and indecisive, which are not good leader qualities. April’s confused by the idea of being macho. Gia needs more 80’s flair, and of course, there’s a cell phone joke. I hate those. April’s worried, and it turns out that no one rehearsed the lines together.
The main stage is to be the dolls best drag. Vivacious talks about hanging out with older club queens. Trinity wants to do a Beyoncé show in Vegas, because, why not. Bianca goes into Dream Crusher mode.
RuPaul’s gown is a glamorous blood splatter, and the guest judges are Lena Headey and Linda Blair, and everyone I know is freaking out. Bianca comes out in Hollywood glamour. Courtney’s dressed as Aussie Pride Barbie. Joslyn is a 70’s disco gold lame goddess. Trinity is Miss Tangerine America. Milk is a drag version of Pinocchio. Darienne is all silver lame. April has a dress that looks like a sou’wester and a fun umbrella. Laganja is channeling a young Maggie Smith and has a huge butterfly fascinator. Gia Gunn is doing this weird Tron/ninja thing. Adore is a goth mermaid. BenDeLaCreme is trying out for Drat! the Cat! (look it up), and finally, Vivacious looks like Bowser.
The screen tests are cheesy and everything you expect, only we have no idea who the short drag person is. Unless you do. I don’t. the judges are shocked into quiet after Adore’s team’s video, except for Lena Headey who is about to pee in her pants from laughing. Gia thinks that it’s funny that THEY were in color, and the OTHER team was in black and white. The producer asks leading questions that Gia doesn’t know the answer to. Milk’s team wins, and Darienne is proclaimed the winner while Trinity expresses how she thought she screwed it up for everyone.
Team Adore gets their critiques. The judges loved April’s dress, but felt she was miscast and didn’t pull off the butch real estate agent. Santino loves Laganja’s headpiece but needed more energy. The best they can say is that she didn’t suck. For some reason, Lena likes Gia, but everyone else disabuses her of this notion. Adore, it turns out, is ill prepared for the main stage, and is labelled as the least prepared queen. Lena says that she likes Adore, because she reminds her of a daughter she’d want to slap. Ben gives a good performance and everyone recognizes his star quality. Vivacious has a dated look and didn’t push the envelope.
In the end, Vivacious and April must lip synch to “Shake it Up” by Selena Gomez. Vivacious does a good job, but April looks like Selena and thus, she stays.
One down and I need to go find my copy of “Josie and the Pussycats!!” Join us next week!!