Rupauls Drag Race Season 5
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It’s time for RuPaul’s Drag Race and tonight is the Snatch Game!! Everyone gay gasp and let’s head to the jump!

Last time, Honey whomever and the Other One were so boring that they were sent home and everyone forgot who they were. The gworls are SCHOCKED and Jinkx gives us some words of wisdom. Jade is a bitch but we all knew that.

RoLaskaToxx shows up and announce themselves, again, to the world. The She-Mail gives us a rundown on the history of the fifteen minutes of fame. The mini challenge is to glamourize some snuggies and the guest judge is some guy from Us Weekly who looks like Pee Wee Herman. He’s not one of the main judges so who cares. Jinkx is wearing a dog or a fox or something on her shoulder. The theme is “Who Wore It Better?” and there are three of each style of snuggie.

Detoxx wins with the zebra print. Alaska’s wearing a lion mask, and Coco pipes up with this being the best make up she’s seen. *eyeroll* The name on everybody’s lips is going to be Roxxxy, winning the leopard print challenge. Jinkx didn’t know what to do with the pink one and jumped into Sean Morales’ arms, lucky bitch. Alyssa wins the pink challenge, doing something pagenty.

This has no bearing on anything since we go right into the Snatch Game! All the queens start to freak out. Who are all the queens doing? Well, Alyssa is doing Katy Perry and I’m already bored. Detoxx is doing Ke$ha and this could either be meh or bad. Alaska’s doing Lady Bunny which . . . seems a little too much like Sharon and Michelle. Roxxxy is doing Tamar Braxton, Toni’s sister. Jinkx will be Little Edie and everyone in the work room immediately goes “who?” Ok, this is where we have a moment. Little Edie is hysterical if you know who she is, and is a total character to get into, other than trying to find out how to ACT like Lady Gaga and make it funny, instead of stupid. Also, past contestants have been Carol Channing as if the Lawrence Welk crowd watches this show and Michelle Visage, as if people remember Seduction. Anyway, Ru comes in. Ivy’s doing Marilyn Monroe and Ru is immediately bored and asks Ivy “How is this funny?”Ivy talks about relating it back to the movies and Ru asks “how is this funny?” again. Alaska is her own continent and is also incontinent and is Lady Bunny. Ru is apprehensive and instructs Alaska to be funnier than Lady Bunny and really go over the top. Coco is going to be Janet Jackson and I don’t have the strength. She talks about she’s done a life study of Janet and performs her six nights a week in Vegas. I’m already over this and Coco doesn’t have the chops to knock this out of the park. Detoxx is going to be her friend, Ke$ha. Ru says you have to be willing to make a fool of the character and it’s hard to do that with a “friend.” (the quotes were highly implied) Ru talks to Jinkx and is loving the Little Edie gags. Lineysha is going to be Michelle Obama and everything stops. Ru can’t even say anything. Celia Cruz is option two, but Ru is so flabbergasted that he can’t say anything at the moment.

Guest judges are Julie Brown and Downtown Julie Brown and I’m in heaven.

Alyssa starts freaking out and wonders if he should be doing Kim from The Real Housewives of Atlanta. I’d say yes. Lineysha second guesses her earlier stupid decision.

Snatch Game and it’s a battle of the Julie Browns and I want to go to there!! Jinkx is on top immediately. Jade does her best to just be pretty and since she chose Taylor Swift, doesn’t have to do anything to accomplish this. Alaska is Lady Bunny and we don’t see enough to tell if she’s good or not. Detox is weird. Coco is boring. Alyssa is “eh.” Ivy’s Marilyn is off in so many ways. Lineysha tries to play up the broken English aspect and fails. Everyone seems to be really nervous and is just acting jittery.

Lineysha’s continuing to just act weird and Ivy’s struggling. Jinkx sees a moment and jumps in. Jade continues to be pretty. Alyssa drops the ball, again, and I really think she should have gone with Kim. Detox tries to pull of some jokes but just seems annoying. Roxxxy actually gets a few in, but has a few misses. Coco randomly pulls out a costume change and has Janet’s voice, but good lord is boring as hell. Jinkx steals the show right after Coco’s costume change, which upsets Coco. She tries to get back with a few barbs about “Who the hell is Little Edie” but ends up just sounding really petty, breaking character. Detoxx “pees” on the floor and we’re done! The winner is “Who Cares” because we all lose.

Jade immediately says “Alyssa, are you glad you have immunity?” Hey, I was thinking it, too. Jinkx says what we’ve all been saying, out here in TV land, which is how do you even audition without this episode in mind. Shade starts getting throw and Jade steps in, but Jinkx can take care of herself. Coco thinks that Jinkx is doing well with humor but has no glamour. You know what? At least Jinkx is funny. This is why we liked Pandora, as well. Pandora’s gone on to do stuff and Tyra who? Jinkx talks about how it’s really hard in the drag community if you aren’t a glamour queen. Alyssa and Coco fight and Jade interrupts with a “You know what’s ugly? Poverty . . .” The queens invent the phrase “The Jade of it all.” Keep this up Jade, you’re starting to show a personality and I like it.

For the main stage, the gworls have to bring out their deadliest snatch, whatever that is. Ivy’s dress is a giant gold fish, and it’s rather cute. Detoxx is dressed as a jellyfish Pokémon. Jade comes out looking like a Kardashian. Roxxxy’s in a giant Mohawk and no pants. Jinkx does this scarf-y boho chic thing. Michelle looks bored. Coco is Solange Minaj, aka the boring overbearing sister. Alyssa is in a mermaid dress. Lineysha is doing whatever Jade was. Alaska has a much more mermaid-y dress than Alyssa, and is carrying a fish.

Jade, Coco and Alyssa are safe, though Alyssa is only safe because she has immunity. Ru informs her that she will be tweeting an apology to Katy Perry because the performance sucked. Jinkx stays on stage muttering “Water off a duck’s back…”

The judges were not too happy with Detoxx’s Ke$ha, who was compared to an annoying skank and thought that the runway wasn’t flattering at all. Downtown Julie Brown loved Roxxxy’s Tamar and Julie Brown loved the bejeweled muffin. The one critique of Alaska is that her Lady Bunny voice was wrong, otherwise, she was rude, crude and on point.  Everyone loves Ivy’s dress and hates her Marilyn. Lineysha is stunning on stage, but her Celia Cruz was boring and generic. Michelle thinks that Jinkx was pedestrian on the runway, but killed in during the game. I’m having flashbacks to Pandora Boxx.

The winner in JInkx, who’s been muttering about ducks this whole time. Alaska looks unhappy, but from what we saw, she wasn’t winner material. Detoxx and Lineysha are in the bottom two, and Detox is READY. The song is Cher’s “Take Me Home” and even though Lineysha hold her own, Detoxx is KILLING it with her lip thing and then spins around revealing her family jewels. Sashay, Detox stays.

Next time, the queens shriek at each other and into microphones!!