We’re down to the Final Four, y’all! Wait, doesn’t that mean something else? I don’t know, but I see a bunch of straight people talking about it. More after the jump!!!
Roxxxy wants Jinkx to go home, and tell us something we didn’t know. She-Mail! Lots and lots of candy bar references. RuPaul comes out and drags out an old fashioned bitch fest which means puppets for some reason. Probably due to last season’s puppets. The queens dig into a hole to grab a puppet and pull puppet versions of each other out. Detox gets Alaska, Alaska gets Roxxxy, Jinkx gets Detox and Roxxxy gets Jinkx, aka Chucky. How funny.
Jinkx’s Detox is pretty funny. He refers to Detox’s silicon lips as a slip’n’slide. Detox does Alaska and screams something about shoes, but I couldn’t understand it. There’s some wig roots joke, and he gives Alaska a whiny voice and calls her a bow legged son of a bitch. Ha! Roxxxy makes a narcolepsy joke and then some comments about being innocent but really being a bitch. I think that’s you, minus the innocent part. It gets really nasty. Alaska does a pretty good Roxxxy including a number of peels and reveals. Roxxxy says something about winning and “Where my people at?” Not here. Who won? Alaska wins!
The dolls have to do three outfits for tonight. The candy references mean we’re using candy. We have a Sweet 16 outfit, a Sugar Mama outfit/Executive Realness outfit, and a Candy Couture outfit. Alaska gets a head start to pick her candy. The others jump in. Roxxxy is all “No one else knows how to sew, so I’m gonna win!” Yeah, but the other girls don’t have a nasty streak. Jinkx says something about Alexander McQueen.
We’re treated to random warehouse jokes. Wax lips = Detox. Ru comes in for critique. Alaska is gluing cotton candy to her dress, which doesn’t seem like the best idea. Jinkx isn’t a seamstress and has decided on a Christmas in July Candy Cane Reindeer Monster. Holy crap that’s a lot. We don’t see much candy. Ru also warns her to be Sweet 16, not Sweet 1916. Detox has decided on a Reptilian Acid Green outfit, with no mention of candy. Ru asks about her passion, and Detox feels this is a slap in the face. Roxxxy’s going for Extravaganza! like this is a new concept. Ru wonders if the giant pink Dorito will be flattering to her figure. We’re told the guest judges are Someone From CSI and Bob Mackie. Guess who gets the bigger gay gasp. There also needs to be an opening number, with Alaska choreographing. Get to it!
Roxxxy ditches her look and starts over. It’s a fringe like dress made from peeled strands of liquorice. Jinkx is hammering a bunch of hard candy and Roxxxy and Detox hate it.
At the dance rehearsal, we have giant lollipops and people are already fighting. The song is silly. Alaska is confused. Roxxxy has already turned on bitch face. Detox and Roxxxy get annoyed as if they never phoned it in for a rehearsal. There’s some spat about Jinkx being off and she says that it’s because she doesn’t want to smack Roxxxy with the lollipop during the choreography. Roxxxy tries to act like this is a front. Enough, fat girl! Roxxxy phones it in for the rest of the rehearsal.
With lots of work to do, Jinkx narcolepsy kicks in. Mistakes start happening and pieces fall off and Roxxxy revels in this. Alaska also starts having issues with her dress, and Roxxxy thinks this shit is in the bag for her.
Mainstage and Ru is in a pink leopard print number. The Sugar Babies come out and it’s cute and their outfits are a lot better than previous seasons.
Alaska’s Sweet 16 is full on texting MTV nose job sweet 16. Her cougar look is very Susan Powter Project Manager. She managed to pull the cotton candy look together and it’s fab.
Jinkx’ Sweet 16 is very hippy girl and reads a little older. Her exec look is very Ab Fab and goofy. The peppermint outfit is all over the place, though.
Roxxxy’s Sweet 16 number is marshmallows and blue sequins. The exec number is a mini dress with a velvet cape. Her candy number is lots and lots of ropey fringe and is really well done.
Detox looks like a Pink Lady but claims that it’s 80’s. Her exec is a blue power suit with wild hair. The green outfit is lots of green and not a lot of candy. She trips a lot.
Alaska was cute but simple with the Sugar Babies number. Over all she did a good job and the cotton candy number was perfect. She thinks that Jinkx should go because Jinkx needs maturing. She had three fully realized looks and knows how to use her knock-knees.
Jinkx was 16 going on 47 and looked like Bette Davis. Her hoop skirt would have allowed more candy, which is what Santino wanted. She thinks Detox should go. Michelle thinks Jinkx was thrown under the bus by “Rolodex” and I’m ded.
Detox had a huge mish-mash of taste levels and can’t do things from scratch. She tripped all over the place. She thinks Jinkx should go because she’s too young.
Anyway, Alaska wins, much to Roxxxy’s disappointment. Detox and Jinkx are in the bottom and the credits start rolling and I’m freaking out!!! WHO WILL GO? We don’t hear the song until it starts and it’s Yma Sumac. That says that Jinkx is staying. Detox can’t handle this and her level of weird isn’t the right kind for this. Detox goes home. Jinkx is tearful, and so are the rest of Rolodex. Detox gives a goat cry on her way out.
Next week, final three!!!