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THE CW UPFRONTS 2013

 

My Reign recaps gives good read.

Last week was Halloween. I have no idea why Reign ran during then, but it means that, unfortunately, I was out doing things in a costume, and I have to spend this weekend catching up.

Oh well. Reign seems to skip the “previously on” mode and jumps right into the expository opening. That’s good, I guess.  Oh wait, no, the previously on comes AFTER the opening credits.

Some kid is by a wall, chasing after a chicken. Or maybe a rooster, since we hear a crow, but it looks like a hen. The kid chases after the chicken only to come across Kevin Costner some English soldier. Only, it’s not just one, but an entire army of soldiers. OH NO!!! Meanwhile, Nostradamus grinding some powder and has a vision of war coming.

The teen girl squad is having a picnic where they are discussing who in court kisses best. Skipper hasn’t been kissed yet because she’s saving herself for the bastard son of the king of Portugal. Their reverie is interrupted by Claude de Guise showing up from Scotland, informing them that Scotland is being attacked. Mary immediately wants to send French troops to fight, but no one pays attention to her. So she storms into the council chamber, while Henri basically tells her to slow her roll and then hems and haws about what he’s willing to do. Mary is dismissed. Henri tells Francis that France can’t look weak. Francis storms off, vowing to do something for Mary.

Little prince Charles, outside, wants to play with Mary, who starts out being too old for that, but changes her mind. She kicks a ball into a tree and then goes to climb the tree to retrieve it. Skipper and Portugal are walking and come across her throwing the ball out of the tree, which hits Portugal in the head. He makes some cracks about opening shots and there is banter.  Mary climbs down out of the tree, but proceeds to fall on top of Portugal. He continues the annoyed act and the two girls bond over teen flirting.

We have Fun. lite music while bad fencing happens between Bastian and Henri. Francis interrupts to talk more about Mary, but he’s overruled by Henri. Finally, Francis challenges Henri to combat, and the winner gets his way. They have an epic non-fight, and I can’t tell if it’s foreshadowing for future events. Francis beats Henri, but Henri doesn’t keep his word. Well, I don’t remember him actually GIVING his word, so there’s that, too.

Skipper is getting ready for her kissing picnic, and is ordering some kitchen boy around. Meanwhile, Mary is walking with Portugal, and offering him a deal in which he sends men to Scotland and he gets timber for ships. Portugal thinks it might be a good plan, but doesn’t want to upset home by creating enmity between Portugal and France.

Teresa and Henri are busy having possibly squicky sexy time. She’s playing hard to get and he’s being awfully nice about it.

Mary and Portugal are racing across some cliffs that I originally thought were Scotland, in a dream, but they’re actually awake in France. Portugal brings out a box of gems and offers them to Mary, along with his hand in marriage. It turns out that Thomas, the bastard son, is about to be legitimized, and once that happens, he won’t be able to marry a girl like Skipper.

At a lavish dinner, Skipper is miffed. Henri is horny. Catherine and Nostradamus are whispering to each other. Mary comes in in a very odd dress, and sits down to dinner. Henri orders Nostradamus to tell peoples’ fortunes, and antagonizes Nostradamus and Catherine. Nostradamus gives out vague answers until he goes into a trance and talks about a lion fighting a dragon on a field of poppies. He gives out more predictions that scare everyone. Skipper ends up throwing herself at Portugal due to a remark about a white mark. Portugal whisks Mary into a Spanish type tango dance using instruments that no one has invented yet. Afterwards, Skipper cries and gives a teen girl code speech. Mary overshares with Francis about what she’s been up to.

Later, there’s some sort of homecoming bonfire happening. Henri is being not discreet at all. Mary and Portugal are chatting about his first wife, whom he apparently loved very much. Way to totally make Mary feel special. Francis is pissed about all this. There are fireworks going on while people wander around. Teresa and Bastian talk. Mary needs some security in her relationships, and she’s not getting any. Skipper and the baker are chatting in the bake house, since she no longer needs her special picnic. The baker boy is pretty clueless until she starts crying. Meanwhile, Teresa is yammering at Henri, only to be interrupted by Francis who will spill the beans to Diane, unless Henri does something. Henri caves.

Baker boy and Francie are drinking and talking about goats. Francie, apparently, needs to marry well, or else. That cuts out baker boy, who tries to change her mind with a kiss.

Francis gives Mary the companies she needs, but can’t marry her yet. Mary’s upset. The next morning, the girls talk about coffee and silk, and it being a whole new world. Francie goes to flirt with the baker boy, before giving him a white mark of flour that Nostradamus predicted.

A conference in the war room is interrupted by Bash riding up to the castle, and falling off his horse. Catherin and Nostradamus understand the prophecies going on. Francis’ legions were slaughtered. Henri tells Francis that kings don’t apologize and calls it a cheap lesson. Henri thinks there’s a spy in the castle and says that not trusting anyone is the best way to rule. Seems a bit bleak.

Mary talks to Francis, who kisses her. He implies that she should marry Portugal. Mary accepts this, and goes to find Thomas to tell him the good news. He sends out the Portuguese legions, which bear a dragon standard. Dramatic music.

Keep up this week as I catch up on the next two episodes of Reign!!!