Rupauls Drag Race Season 5
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Last time on “Rupaul’s Drag Race”, Ivy won the singing challenge and Jade and her hair went home. Backstage, Jinkx is yammering about wanting the win, but how pretty Ivy looks. Roxxxy is already over it, and I’m a little over her already. Coco and Alaska both set up the We Haven’t Won a Challenge Club. Alaska complains about being in Sharon’s shadow. More after the jump.

Alaska says she’s taken Michelle’s advice and is really reconsidering not being a part of the whole RoLaskaToxx thing. Roxxxy starts out being miffed, but is interrupted by SheMail. It quickly becomes apparent we’re reading each other. Detoxx starts and Alyssa’s quickly the butt of most jokes, but is a good sport. Everyone reads Roxxxy, who tries to turn it around in a boring manner. Coco comes out with a swipe at Jinkx’ porkpie hat. Ivy makes a GREAT comment about Coco’s tang colored highlighting. The library is now closed, and Alaska wins the mini-challenge.

Ru comes to tell everyone that the main challenge is that they’re going to roast RuPaul. Uh-oh, it’s hard to be funny on cue. The Pit Crew serves drinks and everyone is told to let Ru have it. The gworls will be coached by Bruce Villanch, Nadia Ginsberg and Deven Green. Alaska, as the winner, gets to decide the order. She’s actually really nice about it and asks the other girls when they want to go and tries to accommodate everyone, which ends up leaving her as the opening act. Coco says that’s the hardest, but I think that the middle is where you get ignored.

Detox makes fun of Alyssa’s creative process and its damn on point since Alyssa is cracking herself up. Michelle comes in and everyone gay screams. First, Alaska, who starts out with a pretty good joke that has Michelle laughing. However, Michelle warns her that she’s being too nice. Roxxxy says that reading is something that she’s always done, but is warned to keep it funny. Ivy has nothing. Coco plans on just being herself. Alyssa is talking about reading as well and seems to be doing the same nonsense that Roxxxy’s doing.

Our guest judges are Leslie Jordan and Jeffrey Moran of Vodka fame. Oh, and it’s going to be live. We get a glimpse of Jinkx’ narcolepsy. The other queens find it hilarious.

Rehearsal time! Jinkx comes out and fucks the chicken during rehearsal. Ivy plays it very very very safe and is boring. Bruce looks weird tonight. Is he wearing a corset? Alyssa’s jokes are all out of place and way too mean. Coco’s playing it from the hood and is being another mean queen. Alyssa is the only person laughing. The judges don’t like her mean streak.

Elimination Day! Alyssa is super nervous and you can tell. Coco’s already being bitchy. Roxxxy, again, says she doesn’t believe in Jinkx.

Ru comes out looking like a giant, fabulous lime Jell-O shot. Leslie Jordan is scared; Jeffrey Moran is pretty and bland.  Let the roasting begin!! Alaska is actually pretty damn funny. She opens with a joke about how Leslie’s slept with more gay men then Michelle and ends with a joke about the number of xs in Roxxxy’s name. Roxxxy comes out and attacks everyone and it’s just not funny. Coco comes out in character and has RuPaul on floor. He actually turned it around and does a damn good job. Jinkx is pretty solid. Ivy’s not bad, but certain will not be in the top. Alyssa makes everyone uncomfortable. Detoxx tries to not recycle jokes and fails and says the f-word a lot, but has some good moments.

Judges Critique!

Alaska is funny and it’s tough to go first, though her look is getting predictable. Leslie Jordan lovingly calls her knock kneed. Ivy looks good, but was unsure on stage and read her cards the whole time. Jinkx killed the judges (which we didn’t see as much of) and Michelle is genuinely impressed with the runway look. I’m happy. Detoxx was mean but had a twinkle in her eye the whole time, so it’s ok, but she screwed up too much. It should have flowed more. Alyssa was trying too hard and could have been a LOT funnier. In general, it was boring and humiliating but Leslie thinks she’s the prettiest girl in the bunch. Coco had a great concept and knocked it out. Roxxxy needed a much faster pace, bigger hair and was way too in her head.

Coco wins this one, which good for her! Roxxxy and Alyssa are in the bottom, lip synching to Whip My Hair. Roxxxy immediately takes off her pants and goes to take off her wig revealing ANOTHER WIG. Alyssa turns it out on stage. Afterwards, Roxxxy breaks down because she’s never been wanted. Ru says she’s wanted and tells them both to stay. Now we’re evened out and we’re the seven sisters! It’s like the Seven Samurai, only without the swords.

Check back here next week for another “Rupaul’s Drag Race” recap!