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abbyleemillerdance80371Last week on Dance Moms, Jill went even further into Madam Rose territory and McKenzie lied about her foot. We got seventh and Abby gave up. Until this week, that is.

Abby comes into the studio depressed and bitchy about getting seventh. She berates everyone and jumps right to the POS. McKenzie’s on bottom because of the crap surrounding her foot, and will not be performing this week. Paige was ok, but needs to do better. Brooke is too slow and needs more zip. Chloe joins us on the bottom and is out of suspension! She’s happy and Abby hopes she learned her lesson about . . . something. On the second tier is Maddie, for getting second. Stop sucking Maddie! She’s joined by Kendall and Kendall’s new headshot. Abby brings this up to everyone’s attention and all the moms twitter about this. Nia finishes us on top. Holly’s ecstatic.

This week, we’re going to Power House Dance in Cincinnati, Ohio and we know Cathy will be there. I, for one, can’t wait. The theme of the group dance will be Rosa Parks, and I’m floored. Holly is weirded out but is sure this will be a good thing for her daughter. However, Abby is playing games and acting as if she doesn’t know who’s going to get the role of the black woman, as if black face isn’t a concern. Abby stops everything to complain about Holly’s clothing, which I don’t understand. Plus, it’s not like Abby’s the snappiest dresser. Kendall is also doing a solo called “Look at Me Now” and Maddie’s going to be “Breaking Down Walls.” I’m really tired of these damn themes. Can’t we just dance? Anyway, Paige isn’t as good a dancer as Chloe, but since Chloe’s been sucking, the two of them get a duet called Broadway Blondes, and we’re all dismissed.

Up in the DMPAL, Christi is excited about Chloe being back. Holly’s excited but apprehensive about Nia. The moms talk about the numbers. It looks like McKenzie’s been benched. Downstairs, the girls go over the group routine and Abby keeps yelling that it’s very very technical, but the girls are constantly off. So, why give it to them? Anyway, the moms are to blame for everything because they’re angry and negative. Abby tells the girls that none of them care enough to dance well. Maybe this is why the moms are negative? Change starts at home, Abby.

Anyway, we move to Candy Apples. Cathy won last time but we can’t rest on our laurels. Anyway, we have the pyramid. Ethnic boy is on the bottom, and he needs to dazzle more. Tall Italian needs to want it more. Short Italian needs to stop being so damn perfect. Asian is on top. We’re doing Candy Apples Style and are totally ripping off Gangnam Style. The boys are super happy. Asian is doing a solo. No one else? Cathy leaves us with a fat joke about Abby.

Abby has invited Holly to go out clothes shopping and I have no idea why. Anyway, Holly shows up with Jill in tow. Abby flat out tells Jill this isn’t about her. Jill tells us she wants to find out what Abby’s thinking for the Rosa Parks number. Really? Anyway, Abby tells Holly to cover her legs and dress for her body. Holly’s just rolling with the punches. Abby complains about having to type cast this thing and Jill talks up the Rosa Parks number some more. Holly overhears and is shocked. Abby continues to act as if she’s not sure who to pick.

Cathy and Vivi are having a private ballet lesson to fill in the two hours. Vivi’s growing so fast, and so is this segment. It’s over.

Abby goes over face stuff with Kendall. She tries and then blanks on stage. Abby thinks Kendall will never play Rosa Parks. Big duh. Also, what’s with Kendall’s hair in the interview? She looks like a mini drag queen. Anyway, Kelly and Christi wonder where Kendall is, since the duet isn’t rehearsing and are told that Abby’s giving her face training. The moms are all “SNEAKY SNEAKY JILL!!” Abby thinks that Nia is the obvious choice for Ms. Parks, but hates her feet. Cause that’s what matters. No one is surprised that Jill is talking up Kendall, and Jill wonders why everyone is upset and just wants Kendall to be special. The moms think Jill should go talk to Abby.

So, she does, but it’s to complain about the other moms. Abby thinks that Nia needs to feel some sort of competition, but anyway, Kendall’s not Rosa and Nia gets the part. The suspense was killing me. Afterwards, Abby talks to Kelly about being negative. Kelly says that she doesn’t like that Paige is being told that she sucks. Abby tells her to tell Paige to bring it. Oy.

The duet practices and Abby’s all “Show me what you got.” Kelly keeps up the idea that Paige is being set up for failure. The number is some sassy jazzy hot number, and it could be great, according to Abby, but it’s not there yet. Paige gets asked to stay behind and Abby says that she doesn’t go through all the steps to complete things. I hate it when Abby makes sense and I can’t loathe her.

Maddie’s going to do a contemporary number, and the way Abby talks it up, it sounds like the same old shit to me. McKenzie has apparently been locking herself into her room to make make-up tutorials and posting them online. Wow. Anyway, costumes come out and the moms go home to pack.

At Candy Apples, we have a guest choreographer who’s worked with hip hop artists before, which could mean a lot of things. The boys are very suburban in their dance. Anthony, the choreographer, looks bored and stuck up. He tells Cathy to make men out of these boys and while he has a point, I just want to roll my eyes. He’s not too keen on Cathy, too and finally gets fed up and walks out. He, point blank, tells the camera that he can’t work like this. Good grief. One of the dance dads talks him down and they go back to work.

Kendall’s practice and gets a talking to about how she can’t lose to Cathy’s kids. She goes to work on her face and the other girl’s join in.

Cathy says that her dance studio has become famous around town and it’s time for a facelift. There are some people there, mostly dancers and paid extras. Some dude cuts the ribbon in front of the studio and Vivi does a monkey dance.

Maddie is in her last practice and is in jeggings. Isn’t Abby supposed to make professionals? Anyway, the moms have pictures of the face lifted studio and Jill says that everything Cathy touches becomes tacky. She should know.

Vivi and Cathy go to pick out clothes for Asian kid. Vivi has an “I’m going to kill you” look on her face, and most of the clothes are weird.

Abby brings out Paige and Chloe’s costumes, or what little there are of them. The moms are upset and Abby’s ok with all this.

Asian kid is doing a 9-5 number, with lots of costume changes. Ugh. The dad puts in some ideas which SETS ANTHONY OFF. Dude, get a grip. Calm down. You’re not famous and it’s a stupid reality show. The boys practice in front of the girls and Anthony is screaming at them. This show really doesn’t show any good dance teachers, does it? Anyway, Asian boy misses his cue and gets it from all sides. He then goes blank and shuts down before crying. Dance Dad is super upset but also realizes that he probably can’t take on Anthony so just lets it go.

McKenzie is doing everyone’s make up and Abby joins in and decides to let her do the stage make up. Cool, I think. There are going to be lots of props, which is never a good sign. Things already look weird.

On the bus, Abby states, again, that she doesn’t want to lose to Cathy. Nia made a poster about Rosa Parks and does a presentation. Abby’s proud, and Jill, sensing someone else getting praise, pops up with a necklace for Abby. Holly looks disgusted.

We’re here! And Candy Apples is checking in with bodyguards. Abby’s crew shows up and Cathy launches into fat jokes. Abby ignores it. Jill mentions the bodyguards and the other moms start going into Cathy’s weirdness. If anything brings all these women together, it’s Cathy. Abby thinks Holly can do better in the wardrobe category and gives her a bag. Holly puts it on and it’s very flashy for a woman in her 60’s. Abby thinks its leading lady. Abby springs the McKenzie’s doing all the make up on the moms and Jill’s not having it. She gets overruled, but stands over McKenzie and directs things. Melissa loves this. McKenzie looks like she stuck with it and finished it up. Maddie comes out looking like a beat up Cinderella, which was the point, I think.

Kendall’s been working hard on her facial expressions, and you can see some of it in the dancing, though the piece is rather fast paced and includes a number of upstage moments to hide things. The judges are really into it and Jill’s super excited. Maddie comes out, still looking like Cinderella after the ball, and I don’t get it. She does a great job, however, and I swear Abby didn’t choreograph that number.

Asian kid comes out in a cop costume and there’s a lot of pointing. Good lord. Melissa really gets into the music. The style is hip hop and there are a few costume changes, which he promptly messes up. He gets upset and storms off stage. Dad goes back to talk him down.

The duet performs and it’s very sexy and not weird at all. Kelly’s happy about it, though, which is good, I guess.

Cathy walks past the moms in the hall and talk some smack. Yee-haw.

Backstage, the group numbers are getting ready. Why are the boys using chairs? Abby says that we don’t’ have segregation in 2013, which Holly looks askance at.

Candy Apples style looks just like what it sounds like. There are some good turn and jumps, though. The Rosa Parks number starts, and it’s as weird as you can imagine. It’s lyrical? I wouldn’t have guessed. It’s also done to ambient techno music. Why can’t we just make a dance and dance? Abby freaks out because Brooke does something, but we’re not sure what it is until Abby says that Brooke messed up. Afterwards, Brooke starts freaking out.

Awards! Asian kid gets sixth and breaks down. Kendall gets second place and Maddie’s back to getting first. The duet gets first, which pleases Kelly and Christi. Candy Apples group routine gets second and Rosa Parks gets first. Yay, we’re winners again! The moms talk more smack about Cathy. Kelly rounds the women up to go talk to Cathy who makes more fat jokes. The moms line up, for no reason. Anyway, the dads wonder what other forms of dance the girls can do, which is a valid point. Abby doesn’t because she’s overjoyed, except for Brooke. Praise gets passed around and we end.

Join me next week!!