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abbyleemillerdance80371Last time on Dance Moms, we did well, but not well enough for Ms. Miller. Let’s see if we can up our game!

Asia’s the first one in and Abby gushes over this like it’s something difficult to do, or shows how dedicated the child is. Jill immediately has issues with this, but everyone gives Asia applause for being. . . Asia. Abby wonders how four boys who don’t normally dance together can connect with each other and the music. She thinks that a lot of these girls don’t want to be here and don’t work hard enough. Maddie looks like she has something to say.

After berating the girls for being second best, Abby starts the Pyramid of Shame. McKenzie’s on the bottom, since she didn’t dance because she’s injured or a freak with an extra foot bone. Brooke is 15 going on it’s time to make a choice about dance. Chloe was part of a trio that failed at life, according to Ms. Miller, and therefore is on the bottom. Abby blames Chloe, personally. Kendall was also a part of this trio and therefore rounds out the bottom. Maddie, also part of the horrible trio, starts the second row. Paige needs to work harder. Nia’s flying under the radar, and Holly’s not impressed by the backhanded compliment. Asia’s on top. Duh. Melissa’s not happy with this little flip. Abby points out that this was a reflection of the score, not on Asia’s horrible feet or extension. McKenzie starts crying and is out of the group number. Since she was supposed to be a bookend with Asia, we’re not sure if Asia’s in the group number. Said group number is going to be a patriotic number called “Free the People.” Solos go to Chloe, Maddie and Asia. Jill gives commentary like she’s announcing the WWF.

Up in the Dance Moms Passive Aggressive Lounge, the moms ask why McKenzie was crying. Kelly points out that it seems suspicious that this happened when Asia was announced to be on top, and the other moms go “Hrm.” Downstairs, Abby explains that this dance number has something to do with current politics, but also is a commentary on when people say stuff like “She won that competition because it’s political.” This from the woman who’s show is plagued with rumors that the girls don’t actually win, and it’s a producer’s trick. Asia’s going to be Rosie the Riveter in her number, and people don’t know who this is. Chloe’s doing a dance called “Am I Here to Stay?” and the reason why is obvious. Maddie’s number is “I’m Trying,” which can go in two different directions, but Abby only mean’s one. In the DMPAL, Christi says that Chloe gets a lot of grief because of herself. Jill points out, rightly for once, that despite the yelling, Chloe gets plenty of opportunities that the other girls don’t.

At home, Maddie doesn’t want to do homework. Melissa tells us that she’s thinking of homeschooling the girls, by which I hope she means join a group or hire some tutors. Some woman named Tracy comes over to talk to the three of them about homeschooling, but she doesn’t give that great a pitch. McKenzie says she’ll miss all her friends.

The patriotic routine is a big hot mess. Abby wants to use Asia and settles on her running around the stage with a flag, but we have to be respectful and not have it touch the ground. Melissa brings up the homeschooling idea. Kelly thinks it’s so the girls can dance more. Holly, rightly enough, asks what does she want that the school can’t provide. Melissa rambles off some stuff about piano lessons and sleeping in an extra hour. Everyone turns their attention to Asia’s small, sad role. Kristie’s ok with it, and says that people know who her daughter is. Everyone else points out that they had no idea who she was before she walked in the door.

Abby complains because we have two days to learn the group number. Whose fault is that? The moms can make the costumes but balk at the idea of cutting up flags for fabric. During the group rehearsal, Abby yells at Kendall and sends her out of the room to work on her own. Jill confronts Abby about this, but it goes nowhere.

We skip a head to Powerhouse Dance. It’s in some vaulted ceiling stone place and Jill says it’s like Dungeons and Dragons. I never would have taken her for even knowing what that is. Anyway, while everyone’s getting ready, Jill brings up that Asia was backstage crying last competition. Asia looks shocked and Abby is appalled. We get a quick Miss USA fashion show of the costumes. There are more props and it seems like Abby will never learn her lesson on that.

The group number performs, and like always, I would have had no idea what this was about if I hadn’t been told. The flag, somehow, ends up upside down. We get a shot of the male judge looking upset. Abby says that she told Paige how to hold the flag, but Asia DID hang the flag in a message up way.

Since things are political, the girls get to vote on Maddie vs. Chloe. I have no idea why. Asia talks to Maddie and Chloe about how they used to be more head to head.

Asia’s number is stereotypically “urban.” Where did she learn to do a lot of this hoochie shit? Abby hands out the ballots. Chloe’s in a very pretty flow-y dress but looks a little lost. Maddie dances, and is supposed to be pained, but is doing her typical smiling thing, which I hate, but the judges love.

Christi would love to see McKenzie and Asia go head to head, but thinks it will never happen. Abby brings in a ballot box.

We move on to the awards ceremony and what’s with the announcer’s damn chapeau? Anyway, the group gets second, just to piss off Abby. Asia wins first in her division. Chloe gets second to Maddie’s first. Abby thinks both of them really want it, and counts the ballots. Maddie wins. Abby’s shocked more people didn’t vote for Chloe, and tells Chloe to use that emotion. Christi bitches and Asia yawns.

Join us next week for more Moms Who Yell!