First up is Miss Fame, walking in like she’s the Shi’ar Empress (that’s a comic book reference for those of you who aren’t trying to pretend that you know something about comic books because of that hot dude with the Superman tattoo at your gym). Ginger Minj comes in with a long list of self-depreciating adjectives about herself. Jaidynn Fierce is immediately after her and the two girls go into a Highlander-esque “THERE CAN ONLY BE ONE FAT LOVEABLE BITCH!!” routine. No, combine your forces and eat the other girls, and then giggle about shit. And then get Logo to make that into a TV show. God knows, it’s better than Golden Girls reruns. Violet Chachki comes in in shoes that would kill most people. She talks to Miss Fame, and I have distinct flashbacks to Joslyn Fox vs Courtney Act, but only if Joslyn Fox had gone to Frenchy’s make-over camp and come back as You’re the One That I Want version of Sandy. Max is reminding us all of Milk, and I’m hoping this season isn’t going to be like that. Katya enters, speaking Russian (I’m assuming) and at first I was excited and then realized that the dude just knows Russian. I liked the fake out, though. Jasmine is all class and elegance, but says it in a way that reminds me of the Countess saying “el-i-gance!!” She’s infectious, though. Mrs. Kasha Davis follows, who’s kinda cute as a guy. Violet gives us some face and some shade. Trixie Mattel is next, with some REALLY bad contouring, but we find out that that’s on purpose. Everyone groans at the arrival of a comedy queen. Kandy Ho is the resident sexy naked Puerto Rican and that looks like all you need to know. Pearl is trying her best to be Conchita Wurst and not succeeding. Kennedy Davenport and Jasmine have a bonding moment. Sasha Belle looks like a friend of mine, and looks nothing like she did at the premier, so go her. Tempest DuJour comes in and drops a baby from under her dress. She mentions Phyllis Diller (that reference is going to go over people’s heads…) and Kandy is all “ew, she’s like OLD.”
Ru’s face is plastered on a baby photo and there’s something about how we’re all naked, underneath our clothes. She then screams out Balenciaga because that was on a show that one time. Everything on this show is about to change. Miss Fame is READY. We have two new full time judges, Gay Face and The Other Gay Face, and that Female Gay Dude is going to be our guest judge.
For the challenge part, the queens have to do a fashion show. One spring look and one summer look. Ginger’s spring is pink and sparkly and her fall look is leopard executive. Kandy has a manly walk and is in a yellow flowing dress. Her fall look is a safari looking fur thing. We see that Alaska has joined us, dressed as Anna Wintour. Jaidyn’s spring look is futuristic, and she’s compared to Apollonia (that reference is going to go over A LOT of people’s heads). Her fall look is Chaka Khan. Max is still quirky and her fall look is Tilda Swinton. Mrs. Kasha is a lady and her fall look is a drug lord lady. Katya is in yellow zigzags and then fur. I’m sure you watched the show, so you really don’t need me to describe the rest of these damn dresses. The pit crew then comes in naked, and we first notice that Sean Morales isn’t with them and then everyone realizes they have to do a naked reveal on the main stage.
Ru talks to some of the queens, and Tempest is a costume designer and lost a lot of weight. Kandy Ho likes to show off her body but doesn’t know how to sew. Jasmine is going to be doing a butterfly thing. Trixie and Miss Fame talk about dating and Trixie reveals that her boyfriend’s family hates his drag.
Now for the judging!! Gay Face, Other Gay Face, and The Female Gay Dude are totally ready. Everyone wore caftans. The highlight was when Kasha came out and Ru asked if people remembered when Jo Anne Worley did Playboy (that reference is going to go over a lot of people’s heads). Blah blah blah bodysuits and fake tits.
Ginger, Jaidynn, Pearl, Mrs. Kasha, Katya, Max, and Trixie are all safe. The judges didn’t like Sasha’s shellfish or black bra. Sasha also didn’t understand the homework assignment. Miss Fame is oh so pretty. Kennedy was giving us Oprah, but can’t adjust her cleavage. Tempest, again, has lost a lot of weight, but her body suit was wrinkly and that was not pretty. Jasmine should have taken off the fringe. Kandy has some bad contouring. Violet was giving us too much boy, but Kathy liked it. Ru immediately jumps into the Who’s the Worst drama. No one seems to like Sasha.
Violet wins, and Tempest and Kandy are up for elimination. The lip synch is to Geronimo (maybe Logo got tired of having to pay for the rights to songs?) by RuPual. Both are kind of boring, but in the end, Ru finds Tempest more boring and Kandy stays.
Join us next week when we get to do all this shit again with a new crop of queens!!!