Previously, the dolls had to make stupid parody videos and RuPaul got upset when they made fun of Drag U. Trixie Mattel went home and I’m currently writing this from jail, as I BURNED THIS MOTHERFUCKER TO THE GROUND!
Anyway, the queens are in shock, and Katya’s interviews seem to be there for the really stupid people in the audience. You know. The ones who can’t remember this is reality TV and what happened last week, so they need someone from the show to keep telling them that Shit Just Got Real, or that I Have To Step Up My Game. Pearl, on the other hand, is your delusional friend who’s always managed to coast by and now has to deal with real world crap, like working more than 10 hours a week. She’s over the judges because everyone back home LOVES her (THEN GO HOME!!), while everyone else in the workroom is rolling their eyes.
Today’s guest judge will be Isaac Mizrahi, which could either be boring, or amazing. You’ve Got Sh*mumble* and it’s all Oscar speech references and Golden Globe breast jokes. The mini-challenge is recreating famous Oscar dresses using paper. Mrs. Kasha Davis and Katya are the winners and, for a prize, they get to be the announcers at the awards show parody they are all doing. That’s the prize? Alaska was chastised for CHOOSING to go first at RuPaul’s roast. All the queens are nominees and Kathy Griffin is back to coach them.
Violet Chachki and Miss Fame are decidedly not funny. Katya obvi really wants to win. Jaidynn Diore Fierce and Kennedy Davenport are trying really hard, and it shows. Mrs. Kasha Davis and Katya are going for an Amy Poehler and Tina Fey thing, and I think we can do better. So does Mrs. Kasha Davis. Kandy Ho lets jokes come out of her when she’s drunk, which doesn’t mean a damned thing. Ginger Minj has hosted before. Pearl wants to be subtle, and RuPaul thinks that that’s not funny enough and that Pearl’s been way too low key. Pearl takes this as an insult, and sulks off. Max ends up writing all the jokes. Basically, we’re on line for it to be a shit show.
Kathy Griffin tells everyone that they are awful and being way too campy. Preach.
While the queens are all voting for each other, Pearl starts talking about her teen angst, and then, out of nowhere, Miss Fame starts talking about how she used to be chubbier and was obsessed with chickens. She would sing to them, and comb them, and show their butts at competitions, and the cluck at them. And then she clucks at the producers.
That’s it. This wins. Not Miss Fame, but her chicken story. Right now. Crown it.
RuPaul comes out on the main-stage and I’m ready to dive into her Veronica Lake (and no one makes that joke, and I’m very disappointed). The DESPY awards start, and it’s all shade, and SOME of the jokes are hilarious and SOME of them are horrible. When they are bad, it’s really fucking terrible. Max and Pearl end up winning, mainly because Pearl was either smart enough, or lucky enough, to make Max do all the work. Well, looks like we’ll be seeing more of Pearl in this fucking show.
At the end of the night, Kandy Ho and Mrs. Kasha Davis are up for elimination and lip sync to Teena Marie. Kandy stays, and I’m not sure how much more I can take of this. So far, the queens with personality have been leaving and the younger, prettier, boring queens have been staying and I really don’t know why or what this all fucking means. RuPaul better have a fucking strategy with this, or else it’s going to be a whole season of Tyra, and we know how THAT went.