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There is nothing better than the holidays in New York City. Thanks for a great first year everyone. I would be nothing without each and everyone of you. Peace and blessings to all of you. Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays to you New York!
PUBLIC LIVES, PRIVATE THOUGHTS: my recent mistake of sharing too much.
So earlier today, I posted something on Facebook, to test the waters and just see what public perception would be about the rather “outside the box” idea I had. You see, my partner and I want a child. Without going into details of the why’s and how’s, we have talked about it being mine genetically and that we would want to go through a surrogacy, artificial insemination and egg donor scenario. The catch??? THE PRICETAG! In the United States, the start to finish (birth) process can cost upwards of $100,000! Unfortunately that is cost prohibitive for us, so I started to think about other ways to fund it, and given my public life ways we could do something beneficial for others as we went through the process.
So I took my genius idea and posed it as question on Facebook to my 5,000 “friends” to see if I was cray-cray or on to something that could be miraculous. Here’s basically what I posted:
“Would it be odd to do a fundraising campaign (IE crowd funding or what not) to raise money so that we could afford to produce a child through science with surrogacy, AI and egg donation and as an added benefit produce a documentary of what a gay couple goes through during the process?”
Never have I lost faith in people as quickly as I did when I started reading some of the responses. Many of the folks took the chance to jump on their own bandwagon or agenda rather than answering the question posed. A bunch said it was irresponsible to spend that much money for a baby. Many said more insulting and hurtful comments. You see, I had broken RULE #1 of living a public life!
RULE #1 NEVER SHARE THINGS IN WHICH YOU ARE EMOTIONALLY INVESTED.
I put something very personal out there. Something that I have been wanting for a long time, and ASSUMED that folks would take it at face value, get the seriousness of the question and respond appropriately. OOPS. I blew that one. As I read the comments and “opinions” expressed, some were very positive, some neutral, some thought it was weird and a significant HAD NOTHING TO DO WITH THE ORIGINAL QUESTION, but railed on me for not thinking the same way the responders did. Here is a list of the “clarifications” I did in a follow up post, in response to most of the off topic, offensive or just bitter comments:
The question had nothing to do with the pros and cons of adoption.
The question had nothing to do with my motivations for wanting my own genetic child.
The question had nothing to do with whether a child needs a male and female influence to grow up properly.
The question did not say we were going to put a baby on camera 24/7.
The question did not say anything about promoting a brand.
The question did not have anything to do with a reality show pitch.
It was at this moment, in tears, I realized that even with all the positive lessons and messages of hope and love I have tried to express (in addition to my usual jokes and sexual innuendo and nude pics), the majority of folks out there didn’t really give a shit past hearing their own thoughts. I had posed a basic question of “is it odd or not” and “would a documentary be beneficial?” and I got a ton of soap box vomit in return.
So I took a moment to relax… Calmed down a bit… Talked to my partner about it… and responded to the comments I felt had the most impact or the most ignorance and hate attached:
To those of you who bastardized my question to make angry comments about self-promotion I say this… YOU OBVIOUSLY HAVE NO IDEA WHO I AM, and haven’t taken a bit of time to find out before responding. The folks on here that followed me for any length of time know that inside, I aspire to be a role model, a positive influence on the universe and a catalyst for good. To bitterly attempt to claim I’m asking about a child for selfish, self-promoting reasons, a reality show or fame is both asinine and ignorant.
To those of you promoting adoption I say this… YES! Adoption is a wonderful thing, and we need more folks who are willing to take children in to their homes. I challenge each of you to go out and follow through on your own suggestion when it’s appropriate in your life. I have investigated and am still exploring the options of adoption, but given my career history, I am NOT considered a good candidate (how many adoption agencies do you know that would consider adult film star as a viable career for a parent?). I appreciate your passion for adoption, but due to societal perceptions, I’m not allowed.
To those who said wanting my own genetic child is all about my ego or selfish… My motivations are none of your business. Would you turn to every straight couple that has had a child and call them selfish for wanting to bring life into the world? I would hope not. Don’t do it to me either.
To those who shared personal information about their child rearing experiences, life as an adopted child or surrogacy process… Thank you for sharing. While it wasn’t the original intent of the question to get into that vein of conversation, I appreciated reading them. Please continue to share your stories with all who will listen, as it gives others something to compare to, look up to or at least not feel isolated about when they know others go through the same things.
To those who suggested I find a lesbian or woman willing to carry a baby for me… I searched off and on for someone for 10 years. If you know where this large group of women just aching to have children and give them to gay men to raise are, let me know.
Needless to say I lost a few Facebook “friends” and blocked a bunch too. I realized that I was basing my expectations for the general population on my observations of my close circle of friends and family, adjusting it a bit to be more “realistic” but still had on a pair of very rose colored glasses when it came to how folks were going to react to a private revelation from a public character. Live and learn.
So in the last article I started telling everyone about how I got my start as an adult film star. This article I’m going to tell you about my first time on set, and a little about the behind the scenes process we go through to shoot a scene… Here we go…
As I mentioned in the last article, my first two scenes were with Raging Stallion / Falcon. I have to say I was nervous when I showed up, but was in awe of how professional and impressive their studio was. Walking in, it was a beautiful industrial loft style office with cubicles and conference tables… not at all the expected “hyper-sexual” environment most folks would expect. We did all our paperwork and contract signing, I met with Tony DiMarco the director and the crew for the shoot, and was taken upstairs to the studio. It was a really neat space, broken out into a couple different rooms with multiple stage set ups for upcoming scene shoots.
I met my scene partner, Johnny Ryder and was a little intimidated by his amazing abs! We walked through the set together, talked a little about ourselves. He’d filmed a couple scenes before but hadn’t done anything in the past couple years, so I felt a little less nervous knowing he was also relatively new to it all. Now here’s the part many folks don’t realize about porn. Every position, activity and interaction that shows up on film is blocked just like in a mainstream movie or stage production. So our next step was to do just that with Tony. We talked about sexual positions that would work (as Johnny was a little taller than me) with the white bench we were using as a prop, costuming and wardrobe and the story line that went along with the scene. All of this made it tremendously easier to relax as I now knew exactly what all was to be expected. So then we were ready to go.
We started out with kissing and groping, which was a lot of fun, as Johnny is a great kisser! We then moved on into the hot and heavy sex, filming oral, rimming and then the actual penetration. The scene was really hot, and I can say my best memory from it was me rimming Johnny while he squatted down on my face off the edge of the bench (a photo of me with my tongue buried in his butt is on the back cover of the DVD). Funny side note, that bench was NOT the sturdiest of structures and we had a hard time almost knocking it over a couple times with our overzealous humping! And so about four and a half hours of filming we finished up with orgasms, and BAM! I had shot my first adult film scene. To be honest the process was a lot of fun, and pretty much what I expected. The entire team involved made the process really easy and I came away feeling excited about my new career choice.
I know some folks come away with horror stories of being taken advantage of, or being made to do things they didn’t want to, but I didn’t have any of that occur. Firstly, because Falcon and Raging Stallion studios are extremely professional in their processes, and secondly because I asked a ton of questions up front when we were discussing contracts so EVERYTHING had been disclosed or negotiated and pre-arranged to make everyone more comfortable.
So I walked away with a nice check for that day, and a good first experience. That was the first of two scenes I was shooting that trip, so I had a day off in between to explore San Francisco and then was back at it again, this time with super hottie Dylan Roberts! (Stay tuned for Part 3!)
PORN STAR.
That’s a phrase that is claimed by many that don’t warrant it and is over used by many people. Adult film actor is more appropriate for most in the industry. So, what does it take to garner the PORN STAR moniker? What kind of journey does one take to produce the level of celebrity necessary to “earn” the title? Well, over the next few articles I’m going to share my story, my journey… on the way to becoming a PORN STAR.
It all started with a break up. Literally. I ended a long term relationship that had turned ugly. I needed to boost my self esteem and feel attractive, so I started working out like crazy, got my “single and ready to mingle” body back (I had grown a little comfortable and soft while in the relationship) and started doing some art and fitness modeling. The pictures were turning out great, and it was suggested that they be sent to an adult film director- Steve Cruz.
So that’s where it started. Photos sent to someone big in the industry, and his desire to shoot me. I’ve always been a very business minded and opportunity driven character, so of course I was curious to see what the offer would be, what I could make money wise and what I might be able to create entrepreneurallly from the situation. Needless to say, I liked what I heard, and Charlie Harding was born!
Steve booked me for a scene to be filmed in March 2012, and then fate struck. Tony Demarco needed a replacement model for two scenes for February, and Steve suggested me for the job. So here I was, about two weeks after deciding to take the plunge, on a plane to San Fransisco about to become an adult film actor. Tony was great to work with, professional, caring, enthusiastic and willing to answer any questions I had, being that this was my first time ever on set. I had a blast, learning all I could about what looked good on camera, angles to show of the body more and basically had a crash course in “porn 101.”
As I finished up the two scenes and still photography I was asked to meet with the Big Guy at Falcon/Raging Stallion, Chris Ward and I was offered an exclusive contract! I was in the big leagues three weeks into my new “career!” We negotiated money, contract length, expectations and such and I went home with a contract to review. Needless to say it looked good, I signed it and was super excited. Over the next six months, I filmed about ten scenes, did a bunch of promotional work and appearances and really started to be recognized as a good performer. I started a twitter and Facebook page so I could connect with fans, signed a bunch of autographs and had fun with it all.
But I’m getting ahead of myself. There’s much more to share about my journey during that time, so let me back up to the first time I was recognized in public. It was May, 2012 and I can remember being in the airport about the fly from Atlanta to California and needing to take a piss. So, as I went in to the restroom I sorta smiled at a guy that was looking at me while standing there with his wife. Next thing I knew, I’m pissing away, and the guy is beside me at the next urinal. He looks around, leans over and whispers, “I really like your movies.” He then zips up and heads back out to his wife and child. I was floored! It was the first real time I was recognized in public for my work and I was super proud.
So that’s the first couple months in the industry for me. I hope you find it an interesting background for where I came from and how I started. Stay tuned for the next article in which I’ll open up about some of my on-set experiences!
contact me on twitter @chardingxxx