This is an article that I could write a whole novel on, heck turn in into a series like “Twilight” or something. I could also write from an extremely pessimistic and somewhat “bitchy” point of view, yet I want my point to get across without sounding like that. So I will do my best to stay focused and not go off the narrow end of anger and frustration towards the gay community.
As the title of this article states, bullying really does exist in the gay world. Whether people want to admit it or not, it is there, and it’s rampant. I find this to be more true in big cities like New York and Atlanta and not so much in towns and smaller, lesser known communities. For five years I lived in Providence, Rhode Island for school. There is where I truly was able to be myself and out, and actually found a really great group of guys who weren’t judgemental and had me apart of their circle without judgement or negativity.
I, foolishly, thought the same when I moved back to New York in 2009 and attempted to do the same here in terms of making friends. The result was completely the opposite. I learned that in big cities like this, you have to draw a very fine line in order to get respect and a good group of friends along with that. If you come across as too friendly and nice, you are viewed as a huge slut. If you come across as reserved and quiet, you are seen as a wallflower or a dickhead. Either way, it’s not easy. I learned that the hard way when I started becoming friends with a certain group of guys who within a month turned on me, and I saw first hand just how truly vile people can really be.
I never was bullied in high school or growing up, in fact I was pretty well liked by the majority of my school because I was outgoing and just plain nice to people. This experience made me think of the people, both men and women, who actually were teased and bullied growing up, relate to them after the experience I dealt with. Especially with cyber bullying. I got a glimpse from a friend about a never ending update someone made about me, and I couldn’t even read the whole thing. Words thrown around like “Desperate”, “Fat F**k”, “Slut” and many others were used so freely mainly from people who I don’t know or barely even met. I sat there, thinking “what did I do wrong”?
Then it made me think further. The gay community for the most part, is high school 2.0. Especially the bears. It is designed for many men who were in fact teased growing up, to form a group of men and treat others how they were treated for their own satisfaction. There are ones that do it in a variety of arenas, elitist ones who feel because they go to the gym 5-6 hours a day that they are better than everyone else, and a ton others. Quite frankly, its pathetic. Will it ever end? No. Because the shallow end of the sea is where many men prefer to be. Many need to grow up and realize what they are doing to others is wrong. I am not the only one that has endured this, I know several personally that do it. It is a sick cycle that I wish would just stop.
I think Dan Savage and his whole “It Gets Better” movement really is a fantastic one, and I completely get it. Sadly, these kids who do realize it does get better and come out (which is already a hurdle in itself) have to face a whole other hurdle in coming into the gay community. My advice to everyone is stay strong, be yourself, and fuck what everyone else thinks. I learned that the hard way, but I am glad to have that mentality. If you go through life always knowing who you are and are secure in that aspect, you won’t let these douchebags get you down in the least. Be you.
Thanks for listening to my rant 🙂