Off the bat, there is going to be a variety of opinions regarding this matter yet I feel like this is a very taboo subject to talk about. It is an issue that just like some of the more mainstream issues that we face in America will never really have one agreement on it. The fact of the matter is for many people that I know of and a general consensus that I have seen, racism is a huge part of the bear community. For me, this racism comes in many different forms, some of which I have experienced and some others have as well. This can be broken down into several different ways people can view racism in this community, so feel free to share your opinion on what you think.
Bottom line, the bear community is designed for white dudes. Yes I have heard this expression before, and yes it is something that is still stated in 2013. There is a good amount of bears in this community that believe it is meant to be just for white guys. This I don’t understand personally as I have stated in a previous article that the bear community from my understanding is where any man of a certain size no matter what his color is was allowed into this because they were shunned from the norm. There is even a particular website that has denied several different people entrance if they aren’t a certain look and this goes beyond race. They don’t want chasers, twinks, Asians and so on and so forth. I have heard this from several people and years later this remains true (probably why this site is getting crushed by its competitors who welcome all shapes and colors with open arms). I find this act of racism to be a bit appalling, because I have friends of color who have gotten to a place in their lives where they feel completely jaded, and don’t even bother with trying to approach a group of bears who are white because of this fact. Will it change? I hope so, because this community can get pretty messed up with it’s thinking process from time to time.
The online lingo that pretty much reads as RACIST. I came across a profile on one of these sites that simply read the following- “Masc/Musc only. 18-25 a must. No fems, fatties, chocolate or rice.” WTF! Seriously. WHAT. THE FUCK. I think that has got to be one of the more offensive ones out there and this is saying a lot coming from someone who got asked to rub their wallet on their own ass so the other guy could smell it (I didn’t do it just an FYI, I am classy). That being said, outside of the realm of fems/fatties, which I could write an Lord of the Rings size book on, saying words like “chocolate” and “rice” just screams racism and is bottom line not nice. It will always come across that way when you are that blatant. I had a situation recently where a good friend of mine found my other friend attractive. After my friend went to go get a drink, I asked the other if he was interested. He simply replied “I don’t like black guys”. OK, I can understand that to a certain degree because if that’s not your preference then fine, but whatever happened to going outside what is your boundary lines and getting to know the person not the race? I have my own preferences for sure, we all do, but two guys that I have dated for a consistent period of time were ones that I normally wouldn’t scope out online or at the nearest bar. People really need to get that metaphoric stick out of their asses and open their eyes to what is out there.
I’ve heard lines like “I am only into black guys for one reason”, “I love me some rice queens”. Good god. This is where the word “fetish” comes in in that a lot of my friends who are of a certain ethnicity can feel that a guy is only into them based on that. Now this can equate to anything. Guys can be only into me because I am a cub and like that I have a belly. Sure. It can be completely offensive though if you are only hanging out with a black guy because you listen to the stereotypes that society creates into thinking that the BBC is on all of them (I am not spelling out those initials). I have a friend of mine who I dated briefly in 2012 and we realized we were better off as friends. He came to me about a couple of weeks ago in what seemed like a state of panic and asked me “Were you only into me because I was black?” I instantly was thrown and to be honest a bit turned off by what he asked and simply replied “Um, no. I liked you for you and we have similar interests especially in music”. He then went through somewhat of a breakdown where he had thought a lot of the guys he had dated were because they saw him as a fetish and not for the guy he was. Surely, I don’t know any of these other guys to make that assumption, but I assured him from my POV that there are guys that see you for you. I would find this very frustrating if I was in his shoes because you are consistently left with the worriment of what is the guy into you for.
Now granted, this can be translatable to any different community outside of the bear one. I am in this one predominately and this is really what I have compiled over the years. As I have stated before, it’s really about opening your own mind and seeing what is out there. To the ones that really believe that the bear community should be plain white, shame on you. Seriously, there are some of you out there. Would love to hear what people think about this, sound off!