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If your social media feed looks anything like mine, you’ve probably come across this article on the webpage “Jezebel.” Just from the title, alone, you know it’s going to be racy and salacious!
[Read more…] about A Response to Jezebel’s Dirty Secrets of Gay Men Article
When we are young our parents (if they are good of course) teach us to play well with others regardless of traits such as physical appearance and difference of interests. As time goes by, we get older and start the “Human Nature” process of either quiet or blatant judgement when it comes to anything from the popular girl that you hate but secretly want to be like or the nerdy kid with the bad acne who you want to laugh at but probably will realize how much richer and better off they will be than you in the future. We also consistently compare each other, both men and women, in terms of weight. Now that I have been in the gay community for a number of years, it seems to be a common thread that so many men talk about- weight. Gaining, losing, maintaining- I’ve heard it all. It has become an obsession in our culture in particular to be a certain size if you want to be desirable to a group or variety of groups who like your body type. Be it the muscle jock who fits in with the up and coming trendy Hell’s Kitchen scene, the muscle bear who you see chugging beers with his friends at Gymbar, or even the husky dude who loves the belly rubs from his friends and admirers at Rockbar, we all think about how we want to viewed in the physical sense. But at what point does weight become a dysmorphic lifestyle and when does it become something that you can take control of?
I have several personal friends, who are all in great shape, tell me in confidence that they still see themselves differently. They don’t see how great they look now, but instead tend to always focus on the past and not the present tense. This bodes so many issues that are included in dysmorphia- including confidence, insecurity, and above all not having overall positive outlook on yourself and your life. This can lead to clinical depression which is something that I have seen happen both inside and outside of the gay community. Why do we put ourselves through this?
I had a friend of mine who is well known in the adult industry. What makes this guy so damn attractive outside of the aesthetic that he has worked very hard at is that he is also a very smart and intelligent guy. However, he has told me several times that in the mirror, in his scenes and even when other guys want him, he still looks at himself as the dorky gay kid that got pushed into lockers by his peers. It’s mind blowing to me that this is their reality. One time we were headed to dinner with his boyfriend and his boyfriend and I suggested Outback and he opted for sushi simply stating- “I have a shoot next week and don’t want to look fat”. To which I replied- “I highly doubt the guy who is watching this movie is going to turn it off because he can see the pumpernickel bread with butter in your stomach mid thrust”. Granted I can joke about it, but he takes it very seriously. So why all of this in today’s modern world?
Many solutions are from within but its also the image that the gay community has kind of made itself to be. We are shown so many different images of male models who are in shape with rock solid bodies that we feel we need to live up to that type. Unless it is a bear related magazine, all of the other trendy gay magazines have the same type of model on the front just a different name and hairstyle or unique tattoo placement. We also are in the world of the Smart Phone, where each app comes with its own sort of judgement. If your profile blatantly states “In Shape” it then shuns away a good amount of guys who automatically feel that this one dbag won’t even talk to them because they don’t have a 6 or 8 pack.
I’ve heard from several different people the lengths they will go to have said bodies, one being the ever so popular “juicing” or taking steroids which can lead to a ton of physical and mental problems. I think the extremities that men will go to to achieve this type of quote unquote “physical perfection” is very alarming and is something that needs to be more of an open conversation and ultimately a way to find inner happiness that doesn’t revolve around the amount of guys who turn around when you walk into a gay bar.
What is your opinion on this? If you want to learn more on Body Dysmorphic Disorder, click here.
Two days ago my Facebook News Feed was flooded with red and more red and more red. The constant change of several gay and straight friend’s profile pictures was a significant eye opening experience as the DOMA (Defense Of Marriage Act) and the ban on California’s Prop 8 have come into severe play on the Supreme Court. What made it so amazing to me is how many of my personal friends and thousands of others are for the ban and challenge of both acts and propositions and really how the support for gays in this country has increased exponentially in the past ten to fifteen years.
The funniest part of this whole thing is the opposition. Now, I always do my best to come into things with a mature look on both angles regardless if I happen to be biased on one side. This time around, there is no defense for the conservative bible thumpers who ONLY have one defense in this whole thing- the bible itself. Really people, you take one line in an entire book and turn it into something that is so beyond catastrophically stupid that we even have these ridiculous and time consuming debates, court cases and millions of people feeling like second class citizens.
I will only speak from my experience here. I always get the sense that these right-wing, old fashioned homophobic people view gay men in particular as only one way. They fear us for several reasons and blame a lot of what they think we are on their own huge insecurities. It wasn’t too long ago that interracial marriage was banned, now that is over. It wasn’t too long ago that white and black people drank from separate water fountains, now that is over. These things are all over because people stood up for what they believed was right (and actually was), spoke the fuck up and silenced the morons that were raised on their own bigotry because their parents and people around them taught to be hateful, simple minded jackasses.
This has even gotten to a point where the most right wing, conservative people like Bill O’Reilly and Karl Rove have stated somewhat in jest but really saying that gay marriage should happen. Yes, Bill O’Reilly and Karl Rove. Several other conservatives have stepped forward, in particular ones that thanks to Andrew Cuomo were a big part in legalizing gay marriage here in New York. I am fortunate, because I live in one of the states that when I do get married (gotta find the guy first, hit me up I’m cute) I can do it in a legal fashion and not have to tip-toe around a civil union or drive thousands of miles to another state to make it real. If this issue has become that drastic where the most conservative of conservatives are siding with gay and gay friendly people on this matter, then I don’t see why this whole process can be taken care of, prop 8 thrown away, DOMA taken down, and that EVERY MOTHER FUCKING STATE legalizes gay marriage. Everyone, and I mean EVERY PERSON deserves equal rights. This has become our civil rights movement, and we deserve what everyone else has.
As Miranda Priestly puts it so easily yet to the point, “That’s All”.
