I can already tell I am going to get a lot of shit for writing this story, but really it is a very controversial topic in todays society, and I am not even talking about in the gay world either. The growing trend of an open relationship seems to be getting bigger and bigger as the years go by, and my thought in all of this is have we lost the art of the traditional relationship? What do I mean by that? I mean by one where each partner is faithful, that they are happy being in an emotionally and physically monogamous relationship without having to succumb to the outside pressures of sex and cheating.
I personally have several friends who happen to be in open relationships, and to which I say if it works for them, then that’s great. I am not them, so who am I to judge? This article really is not one on judging or feeling like I am better than them because of my viewpoint. I have been in three relationships my entire life. All of them I have been faithful, and as far as I am concerned so has my partner at that point. When we both made the decision to be a couple, not once did it cross my mind to think of cheating on him in the duration of when I was with him. When i say “I Love You”, it means that I am not going to go astray and find another guy to fulfill my needs emotionally or sexually. THAT’S JUST ME.
I have been approached, both in person and online, by several men who are in “open relationships”. A couple of weeks ago I was at a party where the majority of the men there were in fact coupled. There was one guy in particular who took a liking to me, as I did him. We talked for a while and started making out, but for some reason I felt an eye on us the whole time. When I opened my eyes it was this random dude staring what I thought to be daggers at me. I stopped, asked the guy who he was, and he said “oh yeah, that’s my boyfriend”. I didn’t know how to feel at that point. My whole thought process was that the guy liked me and was into me, and then I am viewed as the evil troll or something. Really its quite frustrating.
For me, I want someone to myself, and not to feel like I have to share them or something. As funny as it sounds, I don’t feel like being someone’s “guest star” in their relationship. I want to be the series regular that gets renewed every fall season. Corny, yes. Honest, yes. My whole thought process if I was in an open relationship is that if I know he’s out there finding something else, what I am doing wrong that is making it OK for that in fact to happen? As stated before, everyone has their own way of going through love and what they do, and I am not here to judge that. I am just stating these things based on my experience so far.
Comments are gladly accepted, and I would love to know your viewpoints. However, don’t condemn me for what I wrote. We all have our opinions.
Love is a very abused word. I had relationships which I somehow knew from the beginning were not going to last, relationships that I hoped would last but failed and the one in which I am on now, which I hope will last. Then of course, I had stories and occasional sex but I limited that to those periods in which I was not involved for I believe that to fully enjoy even a one night stand you have to have your mind and heart free to act. True: I didn’t always manage to do so, people were hurt, scars and a general sour taste were left. I believe everybody has a different level or grade of involvement, so much they are willing/able to compromise. I know now I simply can’t be really involved/compromised with more than one at a time and I expect that person to be the same. Said this I don’t judge people who can’t/aren’t willing at all. I don’t believe there is just one standard and how happy/unhappy they are in their relationships is up to them.
THANK YOU so much for speaking the counter-point to the growing trend of open relationships as an expected norm in our community. I don’t judge and I know plenty of people who are in open relationships and some make it work, some sadly don’t. But they don’t work for me (I’ve tried), either emotionally or logically. And it’s refreshing to hear someone speak in favor of traditional monogamy.