sex

100% Sexy: When Pride Becomes a Fashion Statement

What do I love so much about 100%G?

Ever since I’d first heard about it, I had been trying to find the answer to that question. I met Peruvian photographer César Mansilla Sialer on a photo shoot for a swimwear campaign I was modeling for, and he was, as I like to say, the answer to all questions, so we stayed friends. It was César who first hipped me to 100%G (or OHP), a designer from his hometown of Lima.

Its design concept was straightforward. Skillfully cut, limited edition T-shirts made from soft, Peruvian cotton with simple words printed on the front.

Its online presence [NSFW] and marketing were equally straightforward. Witty and irreverent posts about boys, sex, and fun, pics of guys around the world sporting their gear, and campaigns that had a raw, DIY quality, like stealthy captures of those genuine, private moments, of modeling a new favorite outfit or dancing with total abandon in front of the mirror before a night out on the town (you know you do it too). Still, there was something more that drew me in.

It certainly helped that the face of its campaign was my old friend Tom Middleton, one of the former stars of Fuerza Bruta and current cast member of Hombre Vertiente. Tom’s devastatingly handsome looks, radiant smile, and tangible kindness made the shots effortlessly steamy.

The fact that the shirts framed the male form perfectly didn’t hurt either. And yet, there was more.

I still hadn’t figured it out, but I knew I had to be in on it, so I reached out to 100%G and ordered a couple of shirts from its latest campaign, “Party Animals.”

As I pulled my new shirts out of their packaging, reveling in the feel of the soft, smooth fabric against my fingers, my eye caught the writing on the inner printed tag: “One Hundred Percent Gay. One Hundred Percent Love.” G is for Gay? Apparently I had missed something key.

I took a look at its website: “Made 100% for the gay community. In Lima, we noticed an absence of trendy, fun, cool clothes made with the gay person in mind. That’s when the idea for 100%G began. We make our shirts using 100% Peruvian gay cotton, some of the best fabric in the world.”

First of all, clap clap clap and snap snap snap for the use of the term “gay cotton.”

But seriously, as I got a glimpse into the thinking behind the brand, everything began to come together for me, and I found my answer.

I love 100%G because it is deliciously sexy. If you know me well, you know that I love sex, not only as a physical act in which to partake (often…very often) but also as an idea. Sex or sexiness for me has to do with a lot more than just naked bodies and dim lighting or indeed marriage and heavy promises. It is a basic energy that courses through all of life, and 100%G taps into that fundamental energy in order to encourage a different kind of (gay) pride, more human, more inclusive, more complex, less complicated.

The irreverence. The unabashed, playful sensuality. The unapologetic attitude, free of rigid definitions and precarious binaries. And the beauty. Real beauty. The kind that comes not just from a pretty face and a hot body, but from an easy smile, a mischievous nature, a relaxed poise. Beauty that isn’t afraid to get messy, silly, or frisky. Beauty that doesn’t take itself too seriously because it knows that it’s here to stay.

100%G says that it is “STRAIGHT FRIENDLY.” Of course it is. Because the sexiness that it ascribes to is the kind that Idris Elba can wear just as easily. Or James Franco. Or Legolas Greenleaf (proud geek here). Or Lupita Nyong’o. Or you. It’s the guys and girls that turn you on, not just with their looks or what they say, but with the titillating ease with which they live in their own space. An uncomplicated confidence that is flexible, free, and universal.

At the base of the blog entries, the campaigns, the aesthetic, and the fashion design is this basic principle. I interviewed 100%G to get a bit more insight into their vision.

Tell me how 100%G began.

OHP was born out of a design project created by El Cartel Design Ghetto, out of a need not only to create a product that was commercially viable but also to communicate an idea. We strive to use skillful design to represent a lifestyle. We want to represent the gay lifestyle in a fun and light way.

Your campaigns and your branding seem to have a very specific intention. What inspires your choices in that regard?

We openly celebrate gay lifestyles and the idea of facing everything with a positive attitude. It has been an interesting task since we are based in Peru, which is a really conservative country. Even so, we’ve been noticing an incredible trend in the country, thousands of guys are coming out of the closet, and we obviously wanted to do what we could to make sure they were well represented.

What does it mean to be sexy?

Sexy is being exactly who you are. It’s being true to yourself in words and actions. It’s being part of a multifaceted, global community. Sexy is being proud of who you are.

Tell me about your current campaign.

Our current campaign is in dialogue with the issues that face our community today. We’re using it to support 100% Equality.

The Wolf of Wall Street – The Boy Who Called…Wall Street!

by Peter Foy

Call me a simple man, but I like my Scorsese films like I like my rap music: crime-related. As much as I appreciate how diverse career Martin Scorsese has been, and I really have enjoyed so much on his non-gangster fare (I feel that The King of Comedy is his most underrated masterpiece by a colossal margin), I still find myself wishing the director would focus more on his claim-to-fame, and I’m sure we’ve all been waiting for him to release another Goodfellas for over two decades now. Therefore, I became increasingly intrigued with following the progress of Scorsese’s latest film, The Wolf of Wall Street, when it was announced last year, as it certainly sounded like a return to the director’s comfort zone. While not a traditional gangster film in the least, the film, adapted from Jordan Belfort’s memoir, would be an epic story of crime, greed and corruption, all while set in New York, Scorsese’s beloved hometown. Now, a week after seeing the film, I have to say that The Wolf of Wall Street is a very curious entry in this year’s Oscar race. In my opinion, it’s not one of the best films of the year, but it’s definitely one of the most interesting, and it’s flaws actually add to that attraction.

Fictionalizing the real story of Jordan Belfort, a Wall Street stock broker who committed numerous counts of fraud during the 90s. Beginning in 1986, when Belfort (Leonardo DiCaprio) was just starting out as a stock broker, only to find the job market in disarray after Black Monday. He goes on to work at a boiler room on Long Island that deals in penny stocks, where he comes across a very lucrative prospect: his talents allow him to persuade millionaires to invest money in worthless companies. Before long, he’s set up his own billion dollar company called Stratton Oakmont, and he’s handling drugs, women and insanity at a rate that would make Stephen Tyler gasp.

The best way I can describe the Wolf of Wall Street is this: It’s a three-hour sex-and-drug roller coaster that happens to have one helluva conductor. At first glance, I have to admit it can be jarring for someone to determine why Scorsese, now 71, would have agreed to direct this film. It’s a hyper-stylized film, that’s ultra-modern and ultra-slick in it’s story telling, plus the world of stock brokers is (allegedly) a much different world from the impoverished mean streets that supplied the fodder for Scorsese’s most recognizable work. Written by Boardwalk Empire’s creator Terrence Winter, one may even assume that Scorsese agreed to film The Wolf of Wall Street simply due to the working relationship the two men have from working on that show. Thing is, upon seeing the film does have plenty of Scorsese’s hall-marks, from vivid camera work, scintillating dialogue scenes, and that sense of attitude that could only come from a New Yorker.

One can see that Scorsese has mined a lot of his experience from his past films to shoot some of The Wolf of Wall Street’s best scenes. Raging Bull, Mean Streets, and Goodfellas all come to mind, particularly when Scorsese is giving Belfort a good lashing. A man raised on scripture and belief, it’s been clear throughout Scorsese’s career that he has no tolerance for sinners, and when he spreads his punishment on Belfort he makes the man look like both a fool, and a total disgrace. Simply put, this film might have the funniest, and nerve-ending drug scene that I’ve seen in a film since Trainspotting, and you can tell that Scorsese must have revered every moment of his shooting it. It truly is something to behold.

The thing is though, is that the script doesn’t seem entirely certain on whether this is a film about Belfort’s survival, or if it’s about his downfall. Winter’s decision to have the story iterated through Jordan Belfort’s eyes as he breaks the fourth wall could have come off as gimmicky, but instead it fits with the film’s playful sense, but perhaps a bit too much. It would have been beneficial for the film’s message about excess and corruption had it shown us the victims of Belfort’s crimes. The even graver sin comes from the film’s ending, which sure, it is accurate to reality, but I feel that Winter and Scorsese are talented enough that they could have concocted an ending that would have proven more provocative, and giving us more a sense that Belfort’s lifestyle is not something to emulate.

That said, this is a Scorsese film, which means that it doesn’t have good acting in it, it has great acting! It was certainly no surprise to see Scorsese cast Leonardo DiCaprio (AKA his latter day Robert DeNiro) in the lead again for this film, but we can be thankful that the collaboration between these two men continues to be so riveting. DiCaprio is slimy and surprising as Belfort, and it certainly enlightens one as to why DiCaprio was originally considered for Christian Bale’s role in American Psycho (they rejected him ultimately because they felt he was still a teen idol). Plenty of great work from the secondary characters too, as Kyle Chandler is in fine form with his type-cast, this time playing a straight-laced FBI agent trying to convict bad-guys the legal way, as well as a brief but all too memorable role played by the electrifying Matthew McConaughey, who acts as Belfast’s justification for why drugs and prostitutes should be part of his normal schedule. That said, the script’s material actually lends itself to some semi-disappointing performances from the other characters. Jonah Hill will also likely be getting a lot of attention for his latest dramatic role here, playing Belfort’s scuzzy buisness partner Donnie Azoff, but while the regularly-comedic actor does display the same fervor here that’s made him a scene stealer in films like Superbad, there’s also the fact that his character is plain unlikable, thanks to his vile behavior and uncouth demeanor. Also, when it comes to women in the film, it appears that Terrence Winter has made them shallow and indistinct for the same reason Aaron Sorkin did in The Social Network: Females are seen as prizes more than people for these characters.

Any movie that runs three-hours long runs the risk of coming off as exhausting and pretentious, but I feel The Wolf of Wall Street justifies it’s length, and actually for the very exact reasons. It’s a lopsided spectacle of decadence and repugnancy, that’s entertaining and hilarious despite it’s very visible flaws. Calling this film this generation’s Goodfellas is so inaccurate, that the we can only be explained as the by product of wishful thinking. Actually, a far more realistic comparison is referring to this film as this generations Wall Street, another film’s that’s ambitions were undone by a messy story, and a misplaced sense of morality. Flaws and all, Wolf of Wall Street is a must-see film for this holiday season. It’s not so bad it’s good…it’s too good to be bad!

PORN STAR – Bareback or condoms? (my thoughts and an announcement)

by Charlie Harding

In the past couple weeks, the controversy over bareback porn reared its head again. The announcement by Lucas Entertainment that they were starting a bareback line of films (after many years of intense criticism of performers who bareback and studios who filmed it) seemed to be the spark that reignited that controversial fire. The announcement that Porn Superstar Trenton Ducati had been signed as their first bareback exclusive star added to the chatter… both positive and negative.

My first point is about bareback versus condom porn in general. I find it interesting that we only find condom-less porn as being taboo in the gay porn culture. The majority of straight porn has been bareback for years, and with much less talk and scorn for its stars. Bareback straight porn is the norm, and no one seems to question that. In the gay world, after our ranks were decimated by HIV/AIDS in the past decades, we developed an extreme sensitivity to illness exposure and for some reason it was deemed that porn should be forced to carry the burden of being the role model for gay sex. While I understand that porn has an opportunity to teach a lesson, we need to remember that’s not the main reason it exists. PORN IS CREATED TO ENTERTAIN AND PROVIDE A FANTASY, not necessarily as a tool for social activism.

The next point on which I pondered after Trenton’s recent move to bareback porn, has to do with public disclosure of a porn star’s HIV status. Trenton talked about making responsible, informed decisions as to who he will or won’t film with, and caught a lot of negative comments with his first bareback flip-flop scene partner choice of Blue Bailey. As I read through the public comments section of one of the porn blogs that talked about the scene, the commenters spouted mostly gossip, rumor and shock. Many of the folks were making huge assumptions and leaps calling Trenton HIV positive simply because he shot bareback porn, or because of who he chose to shoot with. My point? Unless you are actually having sex with him, his status whether negative or positive, does not directly concern you. Each of us in the industry make informed decisions as to what risks we are willing to take, and act accordingly. A performer’s HIV status is no one’s business except their own and their sex partners both in front of and behind the camera. Again, PORN IS A FANTASY created to entertain, so as long as you enjoy seeing the activities on-screen, then it is serving its purpose.

My third point is this. If bareback porn offends you, DON’T WATCH IT. Here’s another example… While country music isn’t something I enjoy, I don’t rally against it and try to force others not to listen to it. I just choose to change the station to a different type of music. As a consumer, that’s what we can do. Watch what you enjoy, and ignore the rest. But it is not your right to force me to only watch what YOU think is appropriate. I’m not going to limit your choices, so don’t try to limit mine.

My final announcement and point is that I am now also filming both condom and bareback porn. As this article is being published, I am actually on set filming a bareback scene with my special buddy Mike Dozer (@mikedozerxxx). He and I have an amazing chemistry, enjoy each other immensely on and off the set and wanted to take our connection and put it on film. Does me shooting bareback mean that my HIV status will be questioned? YES, unfortunately it will. I can say that I just tested again 7 days ago for a shoot I have in a week with a condom using studio, and I am still HIV negative, not that its anyone’s business but mine and my sex partners. Am I being irresponsible by choosing to film bareback? No, I am choosing based on my own research and the information I have, to do something that I WANT TO DO with scene partners that I WANT TO DO. I am continuing as I always have to take whatever level of risk (or lack thereof) I am comfortable with, and producing FANTASY material for the public to enjoy. I am not attempting to convince everyone to have bareback sex, and I am not saying anyone else should stop using condoms. Will I have people angry and upset that I am choosing to film bareback as well as condom porn now? OF COURSE I WILL. And I tell those folks this: Watch what you want to watch, just like I will film what I want to film. There’s enough porn out there for everyone!

Lights, Camera, and a Golden Chariot to the Bronx

by Walter Reed

The boogie down Bronx got the party started well after dark. Perhaps it was the proximity of apartment buildings that line the Grand Concourse, a street name that suffered from delusions of grandeur. However, my Grindr application kept me distracted while Tiny entertained his guests behind a closed door.

We arrived by taxi to an eclectic neighborhood. Tiny was formidable, at 7ft tall in heels. He was brought down to earth when he pulled his dress up and started peeing in the middle of the street. The inevitable pit stop concluded after a long night of binge drinking at Secrets, where I told Miss America to not let those hoes hate on her. How classy and delightful! She laughed and I bought another cocktail.

I accompanied Tiny to the Bronx, because the trek to Brooklyn was endless. So, there we were walking, until we ran into his husband, who was heading out to start his shift at some fast food institution. However, I had no idea that was license for Tiny to start his shift as well. Who had time to do hair when you can suck and go for ten minutes per session? You don’t even have to go to college to learn that. It’s a trade he picked up at night school on the corner of Teen Pregnancy and Abortion.

Four guys and four hours later, his blond mane and smeared make-up made him look exhausted. His night time drag was show time for his sex sessions. Drag is the thing when dealing with sex zombies in the neighborhood. He handled the men one at a time like a self-checkout line—CVS style. No CVS card required. One more guy probably would have gotten us free burgers and fries.

Instead he charged $20 for each joyride, whether the client got off or not. Apparently, they had 15 minutes to reach their euphoric destination. You can tell, which ones did based upon their facial expressions when they left the room.

“You going to do me like that,” he said. “I’m a good customer.”

Tiny dismissed him and brought the next one in. Survey says out of the four candidates, two smiles, a frown, and a blank expression equipped with a limp were recorded. The findings were inclusive.

As the sun soared, I began to reflect on the events that transpired, until Tiny appeared at the entrance of his doorway, naked with two hands covering his Yankee doodle. Was the gateway to $20 happy meals opening up for me? Some portals should remain closed, and luckily for me it did.

“At $20 a pop, does that make me a prostitute?” Tiny asked. “Well, I don’t care. I made my cab money back.”

I shrugged my shoulders and took another sip of wine. I couldn’t handle hard news before noon.

22 Minutes to Oz

by Walter Reed

After a string of dates we had sex. It was inevitable. Unfortunately, it occurred between my laundry and his laundry list. We made plans to go all the way after a candlelit dinner, instead we settled for a candle and air conditioning–our version of a candle in the wind. He arrived at my place 30 minutes late in his father’s truck. He wore black shorts and a uniform top. After three minutes he attempted to get me in bed.

Bobbie: “You want me to pull it out.”
Me: “Sure, if you want to.”

My friend Sean told me about a guy he dated for a month. They captured their first sexual experience in the AM. “It was so horrible and uncomfortable,” he said. “I think I’m going to have to break up with him.” I was neither surprised nor did I need to supervise to see the results. Sex during rush hour is like the morning commute: exhausting, awkward and to be avoided at all costs.

Morning sex should be reserved for the married, or couples who have been dating for a while. To ensure you both get off quickly, to shower, have breakfast and leave for work on time–you need a choreograph routine. However, it doesn’t always garner the best sexual experience but with practice and precision it can be pleasurable.

Bobbie craved sex just after sunset. However, to be succinct we were not in sync. His performance only pleased himself. I had a glass of wine handy to enhance the experience. He channeled Adebisi from Oz through role-play. “I’m going to fuck you like Adebisi,” he said.

I’m sure Adebisi was as endowed as the Empire State Building. I would have loved to have soared to the cusp of the stratosphere. Yet with Bobbie, I liking it to humping on him in the deep hallows of a city dump. Neither wine nor Rush could wash away the waste that plague our status quo. Not even the wizard himself could lead us to Oz. He escaped as soon as he released himself.

Bobbie: “I have to go and give my dad back his car. Next time it will be better.”
Me: “Good night.”

As he left, I realized he was a fraud just like the wizard himself: an embodiment of broken promises and unfulfilled dreams. He lied to get what he wanted from me. I closed the door and locked it tight. I haven’t seen him since.

Is Casual too Casual?

by Walter Reed

All around me, people are having sex: It can be great and not so great. Sex with an ex or Rex, a complete stranger, can be good and plenty. If “sexaholics” are the new “shopaholics,” then casual sex is the new black. Is casual sex something to try on or should it be left hanging in the sale section?

Some people cannot live without sex. Some need to take their potential trysts from point A to the park bench. However, who should suffer at the handcuffed hands of these shameless sex addicts? Which leads to my ultimate question: in the age of un-innocence, should we buy into things that we can’t return?

However, something should be said about the number of people hooking up at an alarming rate. With the age range being from grade school to the retirement home. It effects us more than you think. The guy I dated told me about a past sexual encounter, starring the surprising tight grandma. I gagged–literally.

“She was recently divorced, and my friend’s grandma was always nice to me,” he said. “So, I said fuck it lets do it. Shit, it was the best ass i ever had.”

I can’t. Could you imagine? That sounds like a gift that repeats. I wonder why he is now dating men. I guess I have to compete with grandma for the best ass in the city.

However, the lure of a casual encounter can be so enticing that all logic is thrown out of your bedroom window. Within a snap I could be on app. Usually that time would have been best spent taking a nap. A warm body next to mine is preferred after midnight. Why the sudden craving? It’s certainly better than Warm Bodies, that tragic movie about a Vampire and a human falling in love. Don’t get me started. The premise alone makes me want to grab an apple martini and run for the hills.

Casual sex is like a cheap champagne. A mixture of manufactured emotions and bottled up urges popped and released after shaking it too much. The next morning you wonder who’s in your bed and more importantly when are they leaving. So, you quickly tell them that you have to go to work and that he needs to go; or in the words of Sweet Brown, he needs to run for his life without no shoes on or nothing Jesus.

Thoughts turn to a situation I had when I asked a guy to leave; he had the nerve to ask me for money for his metro card. Oh no he didn’t. I knew I should have invested my time in a better bottle of champagne. In therapy, they would have called this a break-through.

When the time arrives, have a couple try-on sessions, get a second opinion, and make sure they have a generous return policy. No one wants buyer’s remorse.

SEX ED: Increasing Volume of Ejaculation with Orgasm….Is It Possible???

by Edward S. Goldberg, MD

Dear Sex Ed, I am a 34 year old, heterosexual male in a relationship with my girlfriend for 2 1/2 years. I’ve noticed lately that when I cum, hardly anything comes out anymore. Is there anything i can do about this?

Thanks, Drying Up in NYC.

Dear Drying Up,

Volume of ejaculate can be affected by various circumstances related to you or to the situation. Situational variables include how turned on you are by your partner, the “newness” of the encounter, or how much time is spent being aroused before orgasm. Volume and “vigor” of ejaculation can be affected by poor prostate health such as prostatitis, an inflammation of the gland which can be either very painful or asymptomatic. Testosterone levels have a big effect on the nature and sensation of orgasm in men and can be treated with prescription testosterone supplementation. Frequency of orgasms can also have an effect; the ideal interval between ejaculations to maximize sperm production is 3-5 days but waiting longer doesn’t necessarily mean more production and there can even be diminishing returns by waiting too long. Ejaculation can be significantly affected by drugs (prescription and recreational) and alcohol. Prescription medications that are associated with a negative effect on sex function include (but are not limited to) SSRIs (like Prozac, Zoloft, Lexapro, and others), opiate pain medications (Vicodin or Percocet), anti-histamines and decongestants (Benadryl, Sudafed), and Propecia. Recreational use of marijuana, alcohol, cocaine, or pretty much anything else can often have an effect in a bad way on both erections and orgasms. Sometimes medications like Cialis or Viagra can be of use by allowing a longer period of foreplay without fear of losing an erection.

If there is any concern about prostate health, negative effect of prescription medications, or to pursue the use of prescription medications, a visit with an internist or a urologist would be advised. Men often learn about sex through pornography and it is important to remember that actors in adult entertainment are not typically “average” when it comes to sexual function, so it’s a good idea not to compare yourself to what you see in the movies. The bottom line is that in order to maximize your semen volume you need to take your time during foreplay, consider changing things up with your partner to “spice it up” a bit, and take a break for a day or three between orgasms.

QUESTIONS ABOUT RELATIONSHIPS, SEX, OR JUST ABOUT ANYTHING ELSE CAN BE SUBMITTED TO SEX ED BELOW, OR VIA EMAIL TO [email protected]

Open relationships- for some, never for me

by Ryan Shea

I can already tell I am going to get a lot of shit for writing this story, but really it is a very controversial topic in todays society, and I am not even talking about in the gay world either. The growing trend of an open relationship seems to be getting bigger and bigger as the years go by, and my thought in all of this is have we lost the art of the traditional relationship? What do I mean by that? I mean by one where each partner is faithful, that they are happy being in an emotionally and physically monogamous relationship without having to succumb to the outside pressures of sex and cheating.

I personally have several friends who happen to be in open relationships, and to which I say if it works for them, then that’s great. I am not them, so who am I to judge? This article really is not one on judging or feeling like I am better than them because of my viewpoint. I have been in three relationships my entire life. All of them I have been faithful, and as far as I am concerned so has my partner at that point. When we both made the decision to be a couple, not once did it cross my mind to think of cheating on him in the duration of when I was with him. When i say “I Love You”, it means that I am not going to go astray and find another guy to fulfill my needs emotionally or sexually. THAT’S JUST ME.

I have been approached, both in person and online, by several men who are in “open relationships”. A couple of weeks ago I was at a party where the majority of the men there were in fact coupled. There was one guy in particular who took a liking to me, as I did him. We talked for a while and started making out, but for some reason I felt an eye on us the whole time. When I opened my eyes it was this random dude staring what I thought to be daggers at me. I stopped, asked the guy who he was, and he said “oh yeah, that’s my boyfriend”. I didn’t know how to feel at that point. My whole thought process was that the guy liked me and was into me, and then I am viewed as the evil troll or something. Really its quite frustrating.

For me, I want someone to myself, and not to feel like I have to share them or something. As funny as it sounds, I don’t feel like being someone’s “guest star” in their relationship. I want to be the series regular that gets renewed every fall season. Corny, yes. Honest, yes. My whole thought process if I was in an open relationship is that if I know he’s out there finding something else, what I am doing wrong that is making it OK for that in fact to happen? As stated before, everyone has their own way of going through love and what they do, and I am not here to judge that. I am just stating these things based on my experience so far.

Comments are gladly accepted, and I would love to know your viewpoints. However, don’t condemn me for what I wrote. We all have our opinions.

Pressure

by Ryan Shea

Pressure to stand out, to be respected, to be yourself and be proud, to make money and establish a good career…the list goes on and on as to the pressures that we put on ourselves and the pressures that we feel from society. One of the biggest pressures many people face is to have a career that is “respectable” in the eyes of others; the concept that somehow our worth as a person is valued by what we do for money or work.

One of the most highly criticized professions and one that typically does not fit the mold is exchanging sex for money. It is common that people are disrespected, demoralized and demeaned for choosing sex work as a job. One could say this is due to aspects of religion infiltrating the way people think of sex, and convincing them that it is wrong, unless procreating. Otherwise, you should be cast aside for using sex as a way to make money. However, it is not uncommon to hear the same kind of bashing from non-religious folks.

Due to rampant bashing and disrespect, it is not surprising how some people who work in the sex industry struggle with seeing value in their work. Yes, one could argue, “Well we shouldn’t allow what others think to affect how we feel about ourselves,” however, we all know that in some way with enough time, all those judgments do end up having an adverse effect in some way or another. It takes a lot of courage to put one’s sexuality out in the open and to be proud of it. It takes strength to not be broken down by negative comments about how you could look better or how your sexual composure is a turn off to some.

In the past year there have been several porn stars that have passed for different reasons. More recently, Arpad Miklos’ death has again raised the question in many as to what may be contributing to the amount of deaths amongst gay porn stars. Nobody will ever really know the reason or reasons why somebody chooses to take their life, whether it is done passively or actively. We can, however, respectfully speculate on some possible reasons that may have influenced this decision.

Men who have sex with men and choose to become porn actors in the sex industry deal with a large amount of scrutiny from the LGBT community and society at large. Some place them as role models or sexual ideals, while others demonize them for spreading the stereotype that gay men are only about sex, and for choosing sex work as a career. Lately, the economy has greatly affected porn actors’ pay rates and their ability to make a living, thereby increasing their financial stress and instability. The stigma of working in the sex industry, along with managing general mental health issues and job transitions due to lack of work within porn, can bring on circumstantial depression for some folks who were once stars. Here again comes the pressure…the pressure to somehow make it work despite all barriers that are present. Perhaps these could all be contributing factors leading someone to feel alone and with limited options.

We live in a society that values your worth by what you do for work. So if you don’t fit the mold of what is respectable, then you’re not allowed to feel worthy of yourself. Changing how the mass majority views sex work is a tall order, but changing the availability for health benefits is more achievable in the short term. What would it be like if sex work was respected and not demonized? What if sex workers who provide escort services were able to work through a company that provides physical safety, health care and mental health support? What if a porn company could provide its models with career transition assistance along with physical and mental health care?

People who work in the sex industry deserve the same amount of deference as any one else. The amount of people that watch pornography seems to be skyrocketing, so there is an obvious increasing demand for it. Yet, once your orgasm is over from watching a porn clip, then suddenly the people that provided you with the opportunity to be visually stimulated and have a moment of stress relief, are no longer valued as important enough to be respected?

sex

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