Michael Tyminski

NBC decides to return Sing-Off to airwaves

In what has to be a stunning reversal of events, NBC’s other singing show The Sing-Off is finding its’ way back on to the airwaves in the fall of 2013.

The show’s return was announced via a casting call from show judge Ben Folds, who posted it via his Facebook earlier today. A new production team is supposed to be involved, as Entertainment Weekly notes that Mark Burnett Productions (who also does the Voice and has been a juggernaut in the reality genre for the past decade) is working to revamp season 4.

The show, which ran for three seasons between 2009 and 2011, was cancelled when NBC opted to double down on its’ hit competition franchise, The Voice for the 2012 season. It’s most notable winner was YouTube sensation Pentatonix, known for putting a futuristic spin on the a capella genre.

This is a stunning surprise in a year where networks are suddenly looking to bring back old favorites such as CW returning Whose Line is it Anyway? (without Drew Carey, but with many of the show’s original favorites).

I for one, enjoyed the original series, which encouraged creativity in arrangement and overall musical talent versus the never-ending audition process that plagues shows such as American Idol and The Voice. It should be interesting to see if they bring back the full panel (i’m going to go out on a limb and say that Folds is involved seeing how he publicized the casting call).

Family Trade is a Bad Bargain

by Michael Tyminski

Family Trade: Tuesdays 8 pm, GSN

Am I the only one who remembers when GSN only showed game shows? Probably, but in the last half decade or so they’ve expanded their reach, whether it’s trying to capitalize on the poker boom in the mid-00’s (High Stakes Poker, and World Series of Blackjack), competition shows (reruns of Dancing with the Stars), and whatever you would call Kenny vs. Spenny.

Their biggest stretch from the original format of the network has been their new found obsession of grafting “reality” programming into their scheduling. Tonight marks the debut of GSN’s newest offering to the genre: Family Trade. Family Trade depicts the life of a family whom owns an automobile dealership in Vermont. The key twist, however, is family patriarch Gardner Stone’s guarantee that he will accept anything in trade that he thinks he can sell in exchange for a BRAND NEW CAR! (Sorry, I just couldn’t resist the urge there.) His children, Todd and Darcy, question this strategy at every turn while having the difficult task of moving the objects that their father just bartered away a car for.

So how does this mash-up of Let’s Make a Deal and Pawn Stars fare? Well for starters, the stakes don’t seem that high. In both instances, the barters only covered a portion of the down payment, which takes all of the stakes out of the game (one barter for Maple Syrup involved $2,500 in Maple Syrup, however the cost of the truck in question was over $50,000). Furthermore, there seems to be an absolute minimum of substantial conflict as Gardner always wins these disputes (one employee flat out states it).

The show was also advertised as having a focus on family drama, yet Family Trade comes out lacking there as well. In the first two episodes, there was a dearth of conflict or even raised voices. This becomes particularly glaring as the show relies on filler shots, a tension chord, and straddling deals over commercial breaks to create a seemingly false sense of tension.

This lack of drama would suffice if there were other reasons to emotionally invest in the Stone family. Unfortunately, Family Trade limits each of it’s primary characters to a cardboard cut out. We only learn about Gardner that’s he bull headed and he’ll trade for and with anything as long as he comes out ahead. Similarly we learn that Todd is skeptical of the barter business and that he thinks Gardner is nuts for taking the deals he has but that’s it. Darcy and Travis, the two other employees of G-Stone motors who get remotely regular screen time tend to come off as faceless entities.

When the focus changes to Todd and Darcy dealing with the ramifications of Gardner’s decisions, the show gets considerably more interesting. This is particularly notable when Gardner and Darcy can’t bring themselves to sell the pigs they bought from a customer looking for a trailer at a farmer’s auction. Darcy’s imploring Gardner to find a more humane end for the pigs while Todd is bewildered at why they took the trade to begin with. Similarly, when Gardner sells maple syrup in barter to win a selling contest for the leftover maple syrup with Todd, the two squabble because Gardner made a “profit” in credit from the restaurants while Todd took a loss but picked up actual cash.

The Final Verdict: Family Trade is incredibly bland. Whereas many shows in the reality genre focus on hair-pulling or seemingly life and death choices, Trade is hyped to be a big deal but ultimately focuses on life’s little problems and a quirky dealership. The show probably would have worked better if they spent less time trying to punch it up in the drama department and instead focused on taking a more slice of life perspective and divulging a little more on its’ key stars than the two dimensional caricatures we get. Skip it, Tuesday’s one of the stronger nights on the dial and once you’ve seen one episode you’ll feel like you’ve seen all of them.

This Reviewer Could Use Some Therapy after Watching L.A. Shrinks.

by Michael Tyminski

L.A. Shrinks: 9 p.m. Mondays, Bravo

I don’t often review reality shows for a number of reasons: namely the lack of “writing” and “acting” gives me very little objective thread to justify my opinion, and outside of the premise there isn’t very much to objectively judge on when it comes to the genre. However, with March providing a fairly thin slate of new shows, and the bulk of those new shows being reality, I guess I’ll take what I can get, with tonight’s show likely being the low point in terms of premieres this month.

My original impressions of this show and the implications thereof make me cringe. In particular, the idea of having a fly on the wall camera in a psychologists office bothers me, as people are now releasing their innermost fears, issues, and traumas in front of a camera (and let’s be real, being watched has never changed human behavior, right?). These visits are then wrapped around while the show deals with the real traumas of it’s star psychologists, which seems to imply that the show is going to trivialize the issues of people with real mental health issues for the significantly less problematic issues of the doctors themselves.

So…did my worst fears come true? Within five minutes it seems like Dr. V. (Venus Nicolino) is mining her patients for comedy, taking a catty tack to not only her patients in general, but seemingly making light of her Michael and Georgie (her two patients’) sex issues in confessional scenes. The implications are made worse when she snap-accepts Michael’s proposal of them recording their sex for the next episode without checking in with Georgie. Dr. V’s segment of the show seems the most outlandish, due her bouncing all over the emotional Richter scale (from catty to shattered) and in every scene that she’s not giving therapy she’s barely clothed (bikini or underwear) to not clothed in a bathtub and giving vampy looks to her husband when he gives her wine.

The other two therapists seem more down to earth, even if they both can gravitate into peevish about the field (Gregory seems to gripe about both his clients anger, and the fact that he can’t pass gas in the office, while Eris gets annoyed at a client whom can’t get enough sex, stating that three to four times a week is an insanely high amount of sex for a married couple, before dropping a statistic that the average couple has sex twice a week). Needless to say, while their patients do not make matters easier, their peevishness towards these clients whom are on their first session comes off as a little cold and petty.

Furthermore, one gets the vibe that many of the therapy scenes are shot in a studio. Dr. Cason’s office in particular seems to feel like it was shot in a multi-camera layout. Similarly, it seems weird that these handpicked clients happen to hit the exact nerves that the doctors layout in the beginning of the show (Most notably Gregory’s issues with the preparation for his commitment ceremony to Kevin, and Eris’ need to have more sex with her husband).

Finally, all ethical issues aside, this show takes all of the classic manipulative editing one expects from the reality genre and takes them to ludicrous extremes (to the point where certain shots look flat out redone). Similarly, Eris trying to resolve her sex life through a full-blown aphrodisiac dinner so that she can have a child feels completely absurd when you discover that she’s been taking birth control. I get that reality shows are about as “real” as professional wrestling, but would it kill you not to blatantly lie to me? Taking the least simple route makes sense on reality shows with a Deus Ex Machina element like say Survivor, The Amazing Race and (probably the king of making this trope work) The Mole, but less so when you have a show that is about day-to-day life.

The Final Verdict: This show is the Real Housewives of therapy. Our therapists problems seem incredibly manufactured and blown up to give a false equivalency to the problems of their clients’ (whose neuroses admittedly also seem fairly minor and only related to the amount of sex they are having). When the show moves away from the office, the show really objectifies its’ women (Venus seems to be in undress for large segments of the show, and they even sneak in a long shot of Eris wearing nothing but underwear). If you’re into particularly trashy reality television, you’ll probably love this, but if you have any standards whatsoever you’ll probably be as repulsed by this series as I am.

Red Widow Spends Too Much Time Building Webs, But Could Be a Sleeper Hit When It Finally Strikes.

by Michael Tyminski

Red Widow: Sundays at 10p.m. Eastern on ABC

After Zero Hour ended up becoming a dud, ABC went back to the drama well serving up a new show in Red Widow to fill out its’ Sunday night block with an hour of bluffs, semi-bluffs, and flat out lies (but surprisingly little action) in its’ new mob show.

Red Widow follows one woman’s life as she becomes tangled with a life of organized crime. When Marta Walraven (Radha Mitchell) finds her husband dead, she also learns of the exact degree of his illicit dealings and is forced to carry on the work of a local drug kingpin to keep her family safe while she pays off the debt that her dead husband carried (after her brother got caught stealing large amounts of drugs from a rival gang) in order to keep her family safe and secure.

Normally I take issues with particularly contrived plots, but here the conceit is so ridiculous (soccer mom whose aiming for normalcy becomes drug runner for the most vicious drug lord in San Francisco while keeping her three kids afloat) that it requires a large number of fail safes to keep the plot from taking its’ logical course. In fact, the pilot is entirely about taking “the logical course”, only for impediments stopping all of the logical answers of (in order): Evan trying to rectify Irwin’s terrible decision, Marta going to the FBI, Marta trying to return the stolen drugs, and going to her mob boss father to try and use gangster diplomacy to solve the problem.

Unfortunately, all of this legwork seems fairly tedious, especially in a crammed pilot that also tries to weave in a subplot about Boris taking a gun into school, an overzealous FBI agent, James Ramos (Clifton Collins Jr.), Natalie questioning the nature of the families business (her and Boris are assumed not to know at the start of the pilot) and a full-blown murder mystery revolving around Evan’s death. This is a particular shame as once the show stops focusing so heavily on exposition and gets to actually moving its wheels, it’s become instantly more enjoyable, as shown in scenes where Marta has to try to bribe Bob, a port supervisor after their original mark had decided to double his price before getting beaten down by Marta.

The acting in this series is generally pretty solid, with Radha Mitchell playing a pretty respectable gravely serious soccer mom, and I found Goran Visjnic’s Nicolae Schiller to be a simultaneously affable and terrifying villain (who doubles as a great evaluator of talent, apparently). Lee Tergesen (best known for being Tobias Beecher on Oz) draws the hardest straw, playing Mike, Evan’s semi-competent best friend who has the misfortune of being portrayed as a not only a bumbling fool but also as Marta’s teacher in the in’s and outs of “the business”.

The characters are particularly well drawn, including the surprisingly likable Evan (an affable guy who subverts just about every Mafia trope known to man). Similarly, you get the impression that Ramos will lie, cheat, steal, and possibly kill to get his conviction on both the Petrov family and Schiller’s syndicate. Unfortunately, Marta’s kids feel like they exist solely to be plot motivation and border on annoying during the screen time they receive (I don’t know that I would have shoehorned Boris’ and Natalie’s subplots this early in order to allow more time to the main plot line).

The Final Verdict: In a lot of ways, I felt like reviewing Red Widow now is almost counterproductive, as the first couple of episodes seem to have a much heavier focus on exposition than on driving a plot forward. Unfortunately, this creates a glacial pace that borders on tedious during the course of it’s first few episodes. It’s the sort of show that if it ever picks up a little bit of speed could be extremely fun to watch, as Marta’s interactions with Schiller and Agent Ramos create an interesting tension as she tries to bounce off of both of them to help save her family. If Red Widow can live up to its’ name, it will be the perfect addition to ABC’s Sunday night block.

Golden Boy Falls Short of Gold Standard

by Michael Tyminski

Golden Boy, Tuesdays, 10p.m Eastern Time, CBS

Last night, CBS, the network that brought you 3 CSI’s, 2 NCIS’s, Hawaii Five O, Blue Bloods, and numerous other cop shows over the past decade unveiled the newest in their never ending assembly line of shows about people investigating murders and drug dealers in Golden Boy.

Golden Boy tells the story of Walter William Clark Jr. (Theo James), as he makes his meteoric rise from beat cop to the the youngest Police Commissioner of New York City. After a short three years on the job, his on the job heroics led him to a promotion to the homicide squad. While there he’s paired up with a Don Owen, whom is a veteran detective closing in on retirement (Chi McBride). While solving murders, he’s dealing with equally ambitious and underhanded rival cop Christian Arroyo (Kevin Alejandro).

Plot wise, the show seems to be pretty contrived, but the fact that the entire show is told from the perspective of Clark makes this perfectly acceptable, since I would expect that a character of that ilk would try to present himself in the best possible light to a newspaper reporter (Richard Kind). It seems pretty solidly written, giving a show a little more pop than your standard issue crime procedural, even if it tends to over-rely on jargon during the shows numerous action scenes.

There’s one glaring problem with Clark is that even as commissioner, he comes obnoxious and entirely unlikeable, even when he’s trying to console a victims family. This brusqueness is even more apparent when Clark plays his younger self, as he slaughters the fourth amendment and performs a sick revenge fantasy all within the span of our premiere 60 minutes. In a semi related quibble, this may be the New Yorker in me, but why does every cop in Golden Boy‘s NYPD sound like they’re from Boston?

Chi McBride on the other hand, is excellent as grizzled veteran Owen. He plays the grizzled veteran actually trying to teach the young upstart Clark. Owen seems to be the moral center of a show that seems to angle itself long-term into the story of a rivalry between Clark and Arroyo. Kevin Alejandro plays an excellent smug snake as Arroyo, though it’s difficult to differentiate him from Clark at times because of how smugly Theo James plays Walter Clark.

The cinematography is interesting, and generally strong with its heavy use of time lapse photography. They also take advantage of some unique shots, like a spring to life shot in the opening scene to create a sense of urgency unlike any other I’ve seen in a TV show to this point. One minor quibble in this area, is that every window has this weird glow to it that makes it seem like the characters are staring at TV’s every time they look out the window.

Final Verdict: Golden Boy is serviceable as both a political drama and a cop show, even if it tends to be a little pedestrian at times. I think that the pilot should have at least made Clark as commissioner a little more likable, as quite frankly, I struggle to see why I would recommend a story about the rise of such an unsympathetic protagonist. This might be worth checking into later to see if James can hit the soft notes as Clark, but unless you happen to be watching the NCIS smorgasbord lead-in, I can’t see going out of your way to catch this.

85th Annual Academy Awards Live Coverage

by Michael Tyminski

The Oscars: Tonight starting at 7 p.m. On ABC

6:30 pm: Good Evening Ladies and Gentlemen! I’m Mike Tyminski, and I’m back to live blog this years Oscars. The Oscars always tend to be the apex of awards season, and there are a number of intriguing questions that go along with this years ceremony.

First and foremost on many viewers minds: Who is going to pick up the Oscar for Best Picture? We have a diverse group of films here, ranging from musical classics (Les Miserables) to historical period pieces (Lincoln) to contemporary action dramas (Zero Dark Thirty) to foreign artsy flicks (Amour). The real question here though is, can this award season’s juggernaut Argo, be stopped (it did seem to be the most snubbed of the Best Picture contenders)? Will early favorite Lincoln recapture its’ luster in the eyes of voters? Will Quentin Tarentino finally get some respect for Django Unchained? Or will it go to a dark horse like Life of Pi, Silver Linings Playbook, or Beasts of the Southern Wild?

The most hotly contested category this year, however, is for Best Supporting Actor. With five former Oscar winners in Alan Arkin (Argo), Robert DeNiro (Silver Linings Playbook), Tommy Lee Jones (Lincoln), Philip Seymour Hoffman (The Master), and Christoph Waltz (Django Unchained), each of whom turned in stellar performances in their respective films. While I’m personally pulling for Waltz, I could get behind any of the candidates winning.

As with the Grammys, my primary focus will again be on the presentation. We have a controversial host choice this year in Seth McFarlane. The question is, which Seth McFarlane will we get? Will we get the man who has a clear reverence for the golden ages of film and TV to the extent that he made six homages to the “Road To…” series in his hit series Family Guy, or will we the get the man whose also responsible for some of the most line-obliterating jokes on broadcast TV? It should be interesting to see the mix, and whether he will go in the pantheon of great hosts like Billy Crystal in the mid 90’s, or the pantheon of awful hosts like David Letterman. I’m personally cautiously optimistic here, and I can’t wait to see how the show itself turns out.

Jessica Chastain on the Red Carpet -- Source: Yahoo! — Jessica Chastain on the Red Carpet — Source: Yahoo!

6:55 pm: Some news and opinions from the red carpet.

We will see a number of medleys tonight, including one from Les Miserables and another involving past Oscar winners singing hits from their respective films (including Catherine Zeta-Jones singing a number from Chicago and Jennifer Hudson singing a song from Dreamgirls).

The red carpet seemed to move at a considerably slower pace than the Grammys with only a handful of stars arriving as of 6:40 pm. Most of the early arrivals have been fashion successes with no real fashion nightmares along the lines of Adele’s from two weeks ago.

On the red carpet front, Jessica Chastain is looking amazing in an elegant coral dress that works despite all of the potential pitfalls that could have came with that dress. In terms of more edgy outfits, Samantha Barks succeeded with a cute black dress with a plunging neckline.

I’m a little torn on Zoe Saldana’s dress, which has a feathered top leading to a sleek, multi-shaded bottom the split up the leg that Angelina Jolie, popularized last year. While I’m not a huge fan of feathering or overly busy top, as your eye moves towards the legs, the dress picks up in elegance.

My highlight of the Red Carpet so far?: Jennifer Lawrence lamenting the lack of food before the show mentioning that the show is “way too long”.

It’s 7pm, time to switch over to the ABC feed.

I've spent an hour of my life determining whether or not this dress is a winner...final verdict? It is. (source: Yahoo!) — I’ve spent an hour of my life determining whether or not this dress is a winner…final verdict? It is. (source: Yahoo!)

7:30 pm: Some more news from the red carpet…

In terms of fashion, I’m slowly finding that most of the looks that are not clicking with me seem to be isolated to ABC’s red carpet coverage team. Neither Kristin Chenowith nor Kelly Rowland’s looks are particularly resonating with me, with Kelly’s looking awkward due to the way the wrap up top feels around her bodice. Anne Hathaway’s dress is failing with me similarly, as the cut feels very awkward and more like an apron than a classy dress on what has to be the classiest fashion night of the year.

On the star front, the stars are trickling in at a faster rate, Catherine Zeta-Jones is looking fabulous in an ornate gold dress. Naomi Watts has a modern Silver Sparkled number that looks classy even with an open shoulder and a clawlike cut.

In an update, having gotten to see a wider shot, Zoe Saldana’s dress has officially won me over.

8:00 PM: With only one network showing live Red Carpet coverage from here on out (ABC), I’m going to take a minute to pop out some quick pre show predictions:

Best Picture: Lincoln (I think Argo doing as well as it did everywhere else was as much a response to the Academy keeping Ben Affleck out of the race for best director).

Best Actor: Daniel Day-Lewis (Less a prediction, more an inevitability)

Best Actress in a supporting role: Anne Hathaway (See Above)

Best Director: Michael Haneke (This could really be anyone BUT Ang Lee, my inner geek demands payback for the 2003 Hulk movie, I feel like Amour needs a nod in a major category somewhere and here seems to be the best place).

Best Supporting Actor: Robert DeNiro (Silver Linings Playbook needs a little love somewhere along the way).

In red carpet news, Charlize Theron looks magnificent in a very modern (almost futuristic) looking white Dior dress. I’m also pretty fond of the Black and Gold sparkly dress that Nicole Kidman is rocking tonight. Lots of black, white, and gold tonight on the red carpet, but I feel that’s standard issue for the Oscars.

In what has to be a redemption for her from two weeks ago, Adele is wearing a black dress that seems miles better from the flower print disaster she wore two weeks ago.

This may be me, but I feel like there’s a small trend of people bringing their mothers to the show, as both Bradley Cooper and Chris Evans have brought their mothers to the show tonight.

Charlize Theron's futuristic dress from tonight's Oscars (source: Yahoo!) — Charlize Theron’s futuristic dress from tonight’s Oscars (source: Yahoo!)

8:25 PM: One last batch of updates before we go inside for the show:

The quote of the Red Carpet so far: “Win or lose, I’ll be drinking” – George Clooney

It was teased tonight that we should be getting some kind of Bond tribute in an interview between Robin Roberts and Halle Berry. Speaking of Ms. Berry…those shoulder pads are killing me and really need to be left in the 1980’s where they belong.

Jennifer Aniston is rocking a dress that feels like a tale of two dresses: From the waist up it’s a dress that looks classy, elegant and timeless, that train however, doesn’t seem to flow naturally from the material itself, and as a result gives off an unflattering vibe.

One final spoiler, Kristin Chenowith is somehow involved with the finale of the show.

On that note…the show’s about to start, be back with more after the first commercial break and keep checking in throughout the night for more opinions and news!

8:55 PM: We open to Seth McFarlane walking out to the usual fanfare and a brief introduction. McFarlane opens with “the quest to make Tommy Lee Jones laugh begins now”. McFarlane’s speech so far seems to be tacking closer to reverence for the classics than the irreverent side that people dreaded we would see from him. Seth announces this year has a theme for the first time in “Music in Film”.

We get a cameo from William Shatner trying to stop Seth McFarlane from singing a number titled “We Saw Your Boobs” (backed up by the Gay Men’s Chorus of Los Angeles). This leads into Seth McFarlane singing “Just the Way you Look Tonight” backed up by Charlize Theron and Channing Tatum. Shatner also tries to prevent McFarlane from re-enacting the film flight with sock puppets. This leads to another song and dance number with Daniel Radcliffe and Joseph Gordon-Levitt. William Shatner only then finally upgrades it to mediocre, only for Seth to find out he offends and takes home Sally Field after he fawns over her role in the flying nun. He amends that by singing “Be Our Guest”

This leads to Seth McFarlane bringing out Octavia Spencer for our slugfest of the night: Best Supporting Actor.

Our nominees are: Alan Arkin (Argo), Robert DeNiro (Silver Linings Playbook), Philip Seymour Hoffman (The Master), Tommy Lee Jones (Lincoln), Christoph Waltz (Django Unchained).

AND THE WINNER IS: Christoph Waltz! He’s 2 for 2 (his prior win for Inglorious Basterds).

Waltz has a very grateful tone, thanking Quentin Tarantino and his fellow costars.

Overall I thought this opening was stellar. McFarlane was funny except for one misplaced jab at Mel Gibson, the musical numbers were on point, and opening on the biggest bloodbath of the night has already given this night a sense of importance. We seem to be getting more of class Seth than crass Seth and if that’s the case this should be a very enjoyable three hours.

9:12 PM: Seth calls out Paul Rudd and Melissa McCarthy to present the award for Best Animated Short Film

The Nominees Are: Paper Man, Maggie’s Longest Day Care, Adam and Dog, Fresh Guacamole, and Head Over Heels.

The Winner is: Paper Man, John Kahrs.

They also present the best Animated Film:

The Nominees are: Brave, The Pirates, Frankenweenie, Paranorman and Wreck It Ralph.

The Winner is: Brave

Mark Andrews walks up rocking a kilt. He gives a quick set of thank yous.

Reese Witherspoon is out to highlight three of our Best Picture nominees: Les Miserables, Beasts of the Southern Wild, and The Life of Pi. Clips of all three of those movies are played.

We then get a quick cut back to Seth McFarlane, who gives credit to Quezevahne Wallisfor scoring a Best Actress nod at the tender young age of nine.

Robert Downey Jr., Chris Evans, Samuel L. Jackson, Mark Ruffalo, and Jeremy Renner are out to present the award for Best Cinematography.

The Nominees are: Anna Karenina, Life of Pi, Django Unchained, Lincoln, and Skyfall

The Winner is: Claudio Miranda of Life of Pi.

Robert Downey Jr. and Sam Jackson then get into a mock argument after Sam skips most of the introduction for Best Visual Effects (and then fails to get the envelope open).

The Hobbit, The Life of Pi, The Avengers, Prometheus, Snow White and the Huntsman.

The Winner is: The Life of Pi. (and thankfully NOT Snow White and the Huntsman).

The Jaws theme cuts off the Visual Effects speech, proving that the guys in the back don’t really get that much respect.

That segment moved at a fever pitch, going through four awards in about 12 minutes, hopefully the show gives it’s segments a little more time to breathe from here on out.

9:27 pm: We return to Seth McFarlane, who introduces Channing Tatum and Jennifer Aniston, who come out to announce the awards for Achievement in Costume Design:

The Nominees Are: Anna Karenina, Les Miserable, Lincoln, Mirror Mirror, Snow White and the Huntsman

The Winner is: Jacqueline Durran (Anna Karenina).

They then announce the Nominees for Achievement in Makeup and Hair Stiling

The Nominees Are: Hitchcock, The Hobbit, Les Miserables.

The Winner is: Les Miserables.

Seth McFarlane then introduces Halle Berry, whom then introduces a tribute to the fiftieth anniversary of James Bond in film. Halle Berry stumbles a little on the teleprompter, before a montage with the Bond Theme, Live and Let Die. The montage then seamlessly integrates into a live performance of “Goldfinger” by Dame Shirley Bassey. It seemed like a solid tribute if you’re sort of person whose into the 007 films (which admittedly, I am not).

9:46 pm: Jamie Foxx and Kerry Washington come out to announce the award for best short film.

The Nominees are: Curfew, Death of A Shadow, Assad, Bukhazhi Boys, and Henry.

The winner is: Curfew

They also present the award for best short documentary film.

The nominees are: Kings Point, Open Heart, Inocente, Monday’s At Racine, Redemption

The award goes to: Inocente.

The documentary’s producers, Sean and Andrea Nix Fine then take the opportunity to request for increased funding for the arts, noting the change for the subject in their documentary from homeless to artist in one short year.

Sean then introduces Liam Neeson, whom introduces three more best picture nominees: Argo, Lincoln, and Zero Dark Thirty. It seems particularly interesting that the three most America-centric movies are grouped together.

Seth gives a little bit of an Oscar tidbit mentioning that Daniel Day-Lewis was the second actor to be nominated for playing Lincoln (Raymond Massey was the first), before pitching it to Ben Affleck (after making sure to bring up Gigli, of course).

Ben Affleck is out to present the award for Best Documentary Feature, getting a jab back at McFarlane stating “I thought this show was going well, but there’s still time for you to turn it around”.

The nominees are: The Gatekeepers, How to survive a plague, The Invisible War, Searching for Sugar Man, and Five Broken Cameras.

The winner is: Searching for Sugar Man.

This may be me, but using the Jaws music as the “Speed up, your speech is too long” music feels pretty tasteless.

10:05 PM: Seth brings out Jennifer Garner and Jessica Chastain, whom are both here to present the award for Best Foriegn Language Film.

The Nominees Are: Amour, Kontiki, No, A Royal Affair, War Witch.

The winner is: Amour (did you really expect anything else? It is nominated for best picture).

Seth then introduces John Travolta who then introduces a medley of the finest tracks from Les Miserables, Chicago, and Dreamgirls. It opens with Catherine Zeta-Jones performing “All That Jazz” before segueing into Jennifer Hudson performing “I’m telling you, I’m not going”. This then merged into a track from Les Miserables, with a large segment of the cast performing “One Day More”.

Something seemed off with Zeta-Jones’s performance (there were parts where it seemed like either her sound cut off or she was off lipsync), but I thought Jennifer Hudson did an excellent job on her song, bringing the power that a song like “I’m telling you” needs. On the Les Miserables portion, both Hugh Jackman and Samantha Barks stood out the most, as they seemed to be strongest singers in the ensemble.

10:25 pm: We return to Chris Pine and Zoe Saldana, whom are out to present the awards for the scientific and technical awards.

After the quick montage, we return to Seth McFarlane, who busts out a little self-deprecation about Ted before introducing both Mark Wahlberg and the Titular bear of his movie, Ted. They present the award for best sound mixing:

The nominees are: Argo, Les Miserables, Lincoln, Skyfall, and The Life of Pi.

The winner is: Les Miserables.

They also are presenting the award for Best Sound Editing. We finally get some of McFarlane’s line crossing humor, as Ted is trying to explain to Mark that you have to be Jewish to work in Hollywood.

The Nominees Are: Argo, Django Unchained, The Life of Pi, Skyfall and Zero Dark Thirty.

The Winners Are: (a tie) Zero Dark Thirty and Skyfall.

Seth then introduces the next presenter, who were the Von Trapp family singers (with a joke where where a Nazi storms in and screams, “They’re gone!”), before turning it over to Christopher Plummer, whom presents the award for Best Actress in a Supporting Role.

The Nominees are: Amy Adams (The Master), Sally Field (Lincoln), Anne Hathaway (Les Miserables), Helen Hunt (The Sessions), Jacki Weaver (Silver Linings Playbook).

And the winner is: Anne Hathaway (shocker, I know). She gives a seemingly interminable speech but doesn’t get the Jaws music (also a shocker, I know).

10:40 PM: Hawk Koch, president of the Academy of Film Arts and Sciences, announces the Academy Museum of Motion Pictures, it will show how movies are made and announces the winners of a program where a number of young filmmakers whom won the right to hand the Oscars to the presenters tonight.

Seth then kicks it to Sandra Bullock, whom presents the award for Best Film Editing.

The Nominees are Argo, Zero Dark Thirty, Life of Pi, Lincoln and Silver Linings Playbook.

And the winner is: Argo.

Jennifer Lawrence is out to introduce the theme from Skyfall as performed by Adele. The performance is everything you’d expect from Adele with tons of movements from a single arm, and her killer pipes doing most of the work. If you saw her Grammy performance last year, it basically is the same but with a different song, but i’m perfectly fine with that, as it’s become an Adele trademark at this point.

10:53 PM: Nicole Kidman is out to present the last three nominees for best picture: Silver Linings Playbook, Django Unchained, and Amour. We see trailers of all three.

Seth then kicks it to Daniel Radcliffe and Kristen Stewart, whom are out to present the award for Achievement in Production Design. Kristen sounds either high, sick, awkward, or disinterested…I can’t tell which but it seemed like she was ill at ease up on stage.

Anna Karenina, The Hobbit, Les Miserables, Life of Pi, or Lincoln.

And the winner is: Lincoln.

Seth then introduces Selma Hayek discusses Governor’s and Humanitarian awards. D.A. Pennebaker, George Stevens Jr., and Hal Needham. Jeffrey Katzenberg won the Jean Hersholt Humanitarian Award.

11:05 PM: George Clooney is out to introduce the “In Memoriam” segment of the Oscars. Amongst those that passed in the movie industry in calendar year 2012 are: Ernest Borgnine, Eiko Ishioka, Ralph McQuarrie, Jack Klugman, Celeste Holm, Adam Yauch, Michael Clarke Duncan, Charles Durning, Carlo Rambaldi, Erland Josephson, Richard Robbins, Stephen Frankfurt, Harris Savides, Tonino Guerra, Ulu Grosbard, Herbort Lom, Bruce Surtees, Andrew Sarris, George A. Bowers, Tony Scott, Theodore Soderberg, Lois Smith, Geoffrey Ammer, Neal Travis, Mike Hopkins, John Lowry, Hal Davis, Nora Ephron, Charles Rosen, Jake Eberts, Mike Kohut, Frank Pierson, Chris Marker, Charles Washburn, Ray Bradbury, Richard Rodney Nennett, Roger Sherman, Richard Zanuck, Matthew Yuricich, and Marvin Hamlisch.

The in memoriam then led to a Musical number by none other than Barbara Streisand, who sang “The Way We Were” in tribute to Marvin Hamlisch.

11:18 PM: Seth introduces the stars of Chicago, Richard Gere, Catherine Zeta-Jones, Renee Zellweger, and Queen Latifah to introduce the award for Best Movie Score:

And the nominees are: Anna Karenina, Argo, Life of Pi, Skyfall, and Lincoln.

And the winner is: Life of Pi! (real shocker!, but that’s because as anyone whose ever taken a music of film course in college, it’s instinctive to assume that John Williams wins any score award in the history of everything ever, so seeing John Williams (Lincoln) not win is a mild upset by default).

They also presented the awards for Best Original Song:

“Suddenly” (Les Miserables), “Skyfall”(Skyfall), “Before My Time” (Chasing Ice), “Pi’s Lullaby” (The Life of Pi), “Everyone Needs a Best Friend” (Ted).

And the award goes to: “Skyfall” (Skyfall). Adele gives a short tear laden speech before passing it over to Paul Epworth, whom gives the short generic “Thank You” speech we’ve seen 100 times already tonight.

11:29 PM: After a very brief introduction, Charlize Theron and Dustin Hoffman appear to announce the awards for Best Screenplay (Adapted). Charlize and Dustin get in a great dig, with Charlize saying “A great screenplay comes from an inner light, or an inner darkness”, with Dustin finishing the sentence saying “or a writer who needs work.”

And the nominees for Best Adapted Screenplay: Argo, Beasts of the Southern Wild, The Life of Pi, Lincoln, Silver Linings Playbook.

And the winner is: Argo. Suddenly it seems like Argo has a real shot at taking home the big prize tonight.

They also present the award for Best Original Screenplay.

Original: Amour, Django Unchained, Flight, Moonrise Kingdom, and Zero Dark Thirty.

And the Winner is: Django Unchained. Quentin looks disheveled, but thanks his cast, cuts off the music, and then fawns over the competition in the writing category saying “This will be the writers year”.

And on that note if my count is right, we’re down to the two big acting awards, the award for Best Director and the Award for best film.

11:37 pm: Seth introduces Jane Fonda and Michael Doglas, who walk out through a background of glass flower like objects to present the award for Best Director.

And the Nominees Are: “Michael Haneke (Amour), Benh Zaitlan (Beasts of the Southern Wild), Ang Lee (Life of Pi), Steven Spielberg (Lincoln), David O. Russell (Silver Linings).

And the winner is: Ang Lee (for the Life of Pi and ruining the Hulk so badly they had to make a remake three years later…no i’m not still bitter he took my nine dollars and two hours of my life).

12:04 pm: Seth introduces last years best actor winner, Jean Dujardin, to present the award for Best Actress.

The Nominees Are: Jessica Chastain (Zero Dark Thirty), Jennifer Lawrence (Silver Linings Playbook), Emanuelle Riva (Amour), Qevenzhane Wallis (Beasts of the Southern Wild), and Naomi Watts (The Impossible).

And the winner is: Jennifer Lawrence (Silver Linings Playbook).

Jennifer nearly trips on her dress on the way to the stage, she gives what feels particularly like a heartfelt speech that leaves Jennifer on the verge of tears. Oddly enough ABC cuts to a shot of Robert Deniro falling asleep on his shoulder.

Seth then gives no introduction to Meryl Streep (his exact words, “our next presenter needs no introduction), whom is out to present the award for Best Actor.

The Nominees are: Bradley Cooper (Silver Linings Playbook), Daniel Day-Lewis (Lincoln), Hugh Jackman (Les Miserables), Jaoquin Pheonix (The Master), and Denzel Washington (Flight).

And the winner is: Daniel Day-Lewis (Lincoln). Daniel Day-Lewis is the first actor to win three Oscars in the best actor category.

Daniel Day Lewis gets in a quick joke about being committed to play Margaret Thatcher, while Meryl Streep was Spielberg’s first choice for Lincoln. He gives a humble, endearing, and funny speech in which he thanks his wife for putting up for his method acting.

Finally, Seth introduces Jack Nicholson to announce the award for Best Picture. His copresenter is First Lady, Michelle Obama.

And the nominees are: Argo, Zero Dark Thirty, Django Unchained, Beasts of the Southern Wild, Amour, Lincoln, Silver Linings Playbook, The Life of Pi, and Les Miserables.

And the winner is: Argo!

Ben Affleck is up to accept the award for Best Picture for Argo. In a touch of class, the producer who isn’t Ben Affleck or George Clooney gets the first crack at the speech, and immediately thanks…George Clooney. Affleck acknowledges the other 8 great films in a very rapid fire speech, eventually thanking everyone ever even remotely affiliated on this movie including his wife (Jennifer Garner) whom “he dosen’t associate with Iran”.

Finally, everything moves back to Seth, whom moves to the plugs segment, where all the major fee plugs of the show were given. Seth then brings out Kristin Chenowith, whom then perform a musical number dedicated to the losers, including Lincoln and Amour.

I will be back in a few minutes with a wrap-up and final verdict.

The Final Verdict: While I’m steamed about Ang Lee winning, by award shows standards this show worked. The gimmick of making McFarlane as McFarlane being mostly classy with some affectionate parody to old hollywood while hiding McFarlane’s more brusque jokes in a Teddy Bear or behind the whims of William Shatner seemed to strike the perfect compromise between the two aspects of McFarlane’s humor, and he totally deserves a second go (though like all of us, we wouldn’t mind getting a year of Fey and Poehler also). Seth was also particularly strong once the show hit hurry up mode (and his introductions were reduced to 15 words or less) around 11ish.

The presentation generally worked with the few performances involved generally hitting (Catherine Zeta-Jones was the only one who felt particularly off). For a show that was supposed to be all about “Music in Film” though, there seemed to be very little music within the show itself, with only three or four notable performances.

If I will dig at ABC for one thing, it’s the fairly misleading advertising. They advertised a 7 pm start time online, only for those who tuned in to find out that they were instead giving you a 90 minute (of strictly worse than E!’s) Red Carpet Show.

For those looking for more Oscar coverage, stay tuned to Manhattan Digest as our movie experts break down the show. Additionally, my other gig (The Mike Staub Pod Show, find us on Facebook) will be putting out an Oscar themed show later in the week where some of our actor friends put in their two cents on the show.

Seems So Wrong But Feels So Right: Jeselnik’s Offensive is Dark and Hilarious

by Michael Tyminski

The Jeselnik Offensive: Tuesdays at 10:30 on Comedy Central.

As a TV critic, I normally feel like it’s my job to favor quality, intelligent television over the supposed crass dregs that “drag down” the legitimacy of the medium.

That being said, I laughed at The Jeselnik Offensive way too much to hate it.

The Jeselnik Offensive, starring comedian Anthony Jeselnik, is a subversion of the late night talk show format and built around the concept of trying to offend yours (and everyone else’s sensibilities) as much as possible. It opens with a monologue where Jeselnik shoots off a number of one-liners riffing on the news stories of the day, follows up with a couple of short comedy segments before hitting the real meat of the show, his panel.

The panel is a pretty novel concept, as instead of following the traditional late night format of interviewing one guest usually a celebrity at a time, Jeselnik instead brings on both celebrities (which will usually be name comedians, this week he had on Amy Schumer and Aziz Ansari) simultaneously in order to get their opinions while also trying to get under their skin.

The show shines most when Jeselnik has people to play off of, whether it’s telling jokes about cancer patients to cancer patients, riffing on an oncologist retorting “You’ve got cancer!” after asking her to soberly tells him he has cancer or working with his panel (which usually composes the last two segments of the show).

If there’s an area where the show seems a little weak, it’s in Jeselnik’s delivery, which often feels monotone and a touch robotic, often intruding upon the timing of some of the jokes. This however is a fairly minor quibble as the jokes themselves were often hilarious and sidesplitting (one in which he compared a Tibetan monk in self-immolation favorably to the dress of Food Network star Guy Fieri made me almost spit my drink at the computer).

The Final Verdict: Comedy Central has found the ideal show to pair with Tosh.0 in a frat-boy oriented comedy block. The jokes already are hitting their mark in a way that makes me believe the show has legs beyond the shock jock style humor that the show is sold on. It’s the short of show that I know as a critic I should probably loathe, but I can’t help but loving it, and if dark comedy is your sort of thing (which admittedly, as anyone whose ever dealt with me can attest, is most definitely mine), you could do a lot worse than giving this show a shot.

Next Time: I’m doing a liveblog for the Oscars similar to the one I did for the Grammys this Sunday night. The show airs on ABC this Sunday night starting at 7pm Eastern/6pm Central, so my first post will likely hit around 6:30 Eastern Time.

Cult Creates A Self-Averting Prophecy

by Michael Tyminski

Cult: Tuesdays 9pm Eastern on the CW

It only makes sense that in a television season in which we have an over-the-top new show about a cult (The Following) and an over-the-top new show about a conspiracy (Zero Hour) that the CW would attempt to create a show that is about both a cult and a conspiracy and ignore the part about being over-the-top.

Cult follows disgraced journalist Jeff Dean Sefton (Matthew Davis) and over-inquisitive production assistant Skye Yarrow (Jessica Lucas) as they try to chase down Jeff’s brother Nate whom have been kidnapped by a group of overzealous fans of the CW (don’t worry they won’t let you forget the conceit that a CW show is popular no matter how far fetched that may seem) show Cult whom are committing copycat crimes for those that they’ve seen on the show.

The show within a show (for the purposes of avoiding confusion from here on out will be referred to as Cult’) is a supernatural thriller that involves police detective Kelly Collins (Alona Tal) chasing down the Manson-esque cult figure Billy Grimm (Prison Break’s Robert Knepper), whose followers are responsible for the kidnapping of Kelly’s sister Meadow and her family.

Cult’s main conceit comes from the way these two worlds interact, especially when viewed through the lens of it’s reclusive creator Stephen Rae. When a lecherous network executive (whose only two notes as a character are trying to force the show to have mass appeal and staring at Skye’s butt) tries to contact Mr. Rae, it has seemingly dire consequences. Meanwhile, much of the show’s symbolism crosses between the shows two universes whether its the older Orange sedan used for kidnappings, the two color 3-D glasses that Nate hands Jeff, the cult symbols that populate characters in both universes, or the rampant cosplay that exists in the Cult’ community.
While all of this intricate groundwork has room to spark potential interest, the show fails because it fails to resonate emotionally on any level. It’s hard to buy Cult’ inspiring any killers because it gives off the vibe of a show that’s not too far removed from former WB mainstays Buffy the Vampire Slayer or Charmed. Similarly the show’s twists seem more confusing than shocking (including two key twists at the end that I will not divulge in order to prevent spoiling the show should you wish to watch it). Finally, there is nothing less emotionally inspiring for Cult‘s mystery solving mantra of “watch TV, save the world.”

Similarly, in those rare moments where the show does try to give off some emotional resonance, it’s plagued by wooden acting, particularly on the part of Matthew Davis, whose sole expression throughout the entire 44 minutes is one of puzzlement devoid of any real empathy (even when he sees what he thinks is a pool of his brother’s blood). Knepper does a solid job as big bad Grimm, but Grimm is not written to be as compelling as Joe Carroll nor seems as threatening as White Vincent, the two villains of the two other shows that tackle similar subject matter.

The Final Verdict: It’s never a good sign when a fake show pulls someone in better than the real show surrounding it. Cult’ is a wacky goofy supernatural mystery that looks like the sort of thing that would fit perfectly on SyFy. Unfortunately, the show surrounding it, Cult, is devoid of real tension, a coherent story line or even a reason to care (with one protagonist who is pretty unlikable and another who isn’t well developed). As a result, we never really have to worry about fans going crazy and performing copycat crimes with this show, because I can’t really see people putting the mental investment required to figure out a show that doesn’t look to payoff the emotional investment required to watch it. Save yourself the hour and watch The Following or a rerun of The X-Files if you’re looking for a supernatural thrill, because there’s none to be found here.

Zero Hour Is So Bad It’s Almost Good

by Michael Tyminski

Zero Hour: 8 P.M. Thursdays, ABC

Normally when I’m reviewing a new show, if I find that the show is uneven, or even if I’m displeased with it, I can find a reason that a show could grow into a solid sustainable B-tier show. This is one of those rare occasions where I wonder how exactly this pilot made it to television (especially since the show that it replaced, Last Resort seemed pretty decent).

Zero Hour follows a magazine editor named Hank Galliston (as played by Anthony Edwards of ER Fame) whose wife is kidnapped by international terrorist “White Vincent”. Laila was kidnapped because she bought a clock with an ancient treasure map hidden inside, but inexplicably when she’s kidnapped she has already left the clock in a different location. Everything changes when an FBI agent who lost a close family member due to the actions of White Vincent shows up and starts pestering Hank, leading Hank to believe that he is wrapped up in something way beyond the kidnapping of his wife.

The show is full of confusing incongruities. The introductory sequence sets us in 1938, and sets us up by not exposing anything about either the treasure or any of the characters in the story, only that clocks exist, they’re the closest thing to god, the Nazis created a devil baby, that there’s something buried in Germany that could bring about the apocalypse. 40 minutes later, we finally learn that the 12 new men were meant to be the apostles and stop the end of the world after two young journalists inexplicably acquire the funds to go to Germany to talk to the maker of these clocks.

The acting as a whole is hammy and overdone. Whether it’s the priest whose advocating baiting out a terrorist by giving him what he wants, Anthony Edwards desperately trying to convince you that his wife is not young enough to be his daughter, or the FBI agents’ rush talking, almost everything in the show seems well past the point of belief. They use heavy accents in monologues but a scene in Germany is full of characters who speak in perfect American and British accents. Even star Anthony Edwards is not immune to this, as he plays Hank as hyper-rational, even in the face of the events that have just occurred.

The writing seems excessively convoluted and contrived. Hank is written to be as smart as if not smarter than the FBI. The terrorist “White Vincent” is written to be omniscient since we are meant to believe that a sole actor can divert Hank across Brooklyn, while tracking down a diamond smaller than an earring hidden covertly in an Altoids Case while remaining two steps ahead of the federal government who is crawling all over Brooklyn looking for him. Similarly, we are led to believe that Laila is kidnapped from a clock shop, when she dropped the clock off at her house? Why follow Laila to a second spot when he could have just broken into the house and taken the clock after she left?

Zero Hour seems to want to take a lot from the The Da Vinci Code, but unlike the movie, at no point do you feel like the dots are connected as you lead to a big reveal. Instead Zero Hour expects to take wild leaps of faith in order to appreciate it’s mythos of clocks, crazy terrorists, devil babies, young journalists with never ending pocketbooks (spoiler: the day I can get $5,000 out of the Manhattan Digest budget to fly to Germany to chase down someone who seems old enough to be dead and browbeat him for information, I totally will), FBI agents who don’t look 40 taking 40 year old incidents personally, and omniscient terrorists who can do more to avoid triangulation with Skype than most hackers, and the possibility that Hank is a reincarnated version of himself from Nazi-era Germany.

The Final Verdict: Any show like this requires some degree of suspension of disbelief, and when a show manages to shake my ability to suspend disbelief not even 90 seconds into a show, that’s a bad sign. What then occurs over the next 40 minutes involves the most ridiculous and ludicrous set of plot twists that one can find. It might be worth a watch if you want to see how a B-movie conspiracy film makes it to TV, but otherwise you’re probably better off watching Community or Parks and Recreation in that 8 p.m. Thursday time slot. I can’t see this one going much longer than 13 episodes, if only because nothing here makes sense and it doesn’t bottom out enough to make it watchable if only for the train wreck factor.

55th Annual Grammy Awards Live Coverage!

by Michael Tyminski

8pm Eastern Time tonight, CBS

CBS standards and practices is desperately trying to avoid a repeat of this (Photo Source: Wikipedia)

7:30 pm Eastern: Good Evening! Welcome to what will be the first of many Manhattan Digest awards ceremony liveblogs! LL Cool J hosts the ceremony, which starts at 8 pm Eastern time on CBS. This should be an interesting evening tonight, with the Album of the Year award showing a surprisingly rock heavy slate with Mumford and Sons’ Babel, Fun.’s Some Nights, The Black Keys’ El Camino, and Jack White’s Blunderbuss, with Frank Ocean’s Channel Orange being the sole R&B outlier. Personally, I think that Babel and Channel Orange are the clear favorites, with Channel Orange being my pick to win the whole thing.

That being said, I’m here mostly to look at the show in terms of its’ presentation than to heavily critique the award choices themselves. The Grammy’s are known mostly for being the safest show on the February awards season, often only garnering attention for a killer performance (such as Elton John and Eminem’s killer performance of “Stan” in 2001), or some truly horrendous fashion calls (see Jennifer Lopez’s infamous green dress from the 2000 show). The latter is under intense scrutiny this year, as earlier this week CBS standards and practices sent out a letter vilifying the use of thongs or costumes that allow for exposed “breasts and buttocks”, singling out that earth-shattering corrupter of morals: the thong. Needless to say, my gut instinct is telling me that someone is going to find a way to defy this (odds on favorite here? Rihanna).

I would love for tonight to be a dialogue as we all react to the show together (and get different opinions at the same time), so feel free to use the comments section below and get involved in the conversation! Stay tuned to Manhattan Digest for more updates as the ceremony unfolds!

Taylor Swift at the Grammy Red Carpet (Source Grammys.com)

7:45 p.m.: Some early updates from the red carpet. Generally speaking it looks like the artists are complying with the S+P guidelines, with only a handful of particularly deep plunging necklines (including Miranda Lambert and Ashanti). Similarly the men seem pretty buttoned up, with a surprisingly large number of skinny ties. I think Taylor Swift’s dress was pretty impressive from a fashion standpoint. Conversely, Adele’s floral print design leaves a lot to be desired.

For me though, the highlight of the red carpet was Jennifer Lopez’s angry shrieks of protest after Ryan Seacrest noted that her dress was skirting the lines of what CBS was allowing screaming “I’m just showing a little leg and a little shoulder!”.

7:57 p.m.: Three minutes to the curtain and a large number of the awards have been given off camera already. Notable award winners included Gotye (who won two awards including Best Alternative Music Album, and Best Duo/Group Pop Performance – the latter with Kimbra for “Somebody that I Used to Know”), Skrillex (who also wont two awards for Best Dance Album and Best Dance Recording both for Bangarang), Rihanna (for her video for “We Found Love”), and Taylor Swift (for Best Song Written for Visual Media ).

Additionally it was announced on the red carpet that Ms. Swift will be the opening performance tonight, so expect to see her on your TV screens sometime in the next few minutes.

8:15 PM: And on cue we open with a weird man on a bike with a torch to introduce Taylor Swift who opens the show with “We are Never (Getting Back Together)” in a very sideshow circus vibe that involved a boyfriend strapped to a carnival wheel, trapeze artists, fire spinners and a large amount of pyrotechnics. The performance itself was pretty mediocre in spite of the spectacle, but it seemed like a fine way to amp up the crowd for tonight’s show.

Afterwords, we see our first appearance of show host, LL Cool J. He devotes his somewhat meandering opening monologue discussing music as a vehicle for bringing people together before pitching it to Eddie Sheeran and Elton John to perform Sheeran’s song “A Team”. I love Elton John as much as anyone, but it seemed like he was off for most of the song and it adversely affected the vocal harmonies. I did enjoy the off in the crowd staging aspect that they used, as it seemed to highlight the “lighter song” vibe that one gets when listening to “A-team”.

Fun. Performing Carry On (Source Grammys.com)

8:27 PM: LL Cool J asks us to use #Grammys when talking about tonight’s show before kicking it to J-Lo and Pitbull (with a split screen to the infamous green dress from 2000) with Pitbull fawning over J Lo before announcing the nominees for best solo pop performance:

The nominees are:
“Stronger” (Kelly Clarkson), “Set Fire to the Rain” (Adele), “Wide Awake” (Katy Perry), “Call Me Maybe” (Carly Rae Jespen) and “Where Have You Been?” (Rihanna)

AND THE WINNER: Set Fire to the Rain by Adele.

Adele gives a very brief speech (in which she called back to last year’s six wins) before Neil Patrick Harris enters to introduce Fun. (whom have six nominations this evening). Fun. then took the opportunity to play “Carry On.”, which started a little slow but picked up once the instruments kicked in. Once it built, we got a performance with a very strong cinematic vibe, including the obligatory downpour towards the end. One thing did bother me about the performance however, and that is why frontman Nate Ruess wore those Capris?

8:48 PM: Bonnie Raitt and John Mayer appear to introduce Miranda Lambert and Dierks Bentley. The duo play a couple of country tracks in “Over You” and “Home”. Their performance was perfectly fine and fairly low key compared to the immediately preceding performance before cutting to LL Cool J on American Bandstand in an awkward transition. LL then takes the opportunity to pay tribute to Dick Clark.

LL Cool J then makes an another abrupt transition, introducing Miguel and Wiz Khalifa, whom perform “Adorn” . The performance was sizzling, with Miguel showing off his pipes and performing the standard issue R and B theatrics. From there, our performer then announced the nominees for…wait for it…best country solo performance (because that made sense to me too right?)

The nominees for best country solo performance:
“Home” (Dierks Bentley), “Springsteen” (Eric Church), “Cost of Living” (Ronnie Dunn), “Wanted (Hunter Hayes), “Over (Blake Shelton), and “Blown Away” (Carrie Underwood)

AND THE WINNER IS: “Blown Away” by Carrie Underwood.

8:58 PM: LL Plugs social media again before telling everyone in the Northeast to stay warm and kicking it to Tim McGraw and Faith Hill, whom are presenting song of the year.

The nominees are: “Adorn” (Miguel), “The A-Team” (Ed Sheeran), “Call Me Maybe” (Carly Rae Jespen), “We are Young” (Fun. Feat Janelle Monae), and “Stronger” (Kelly Clarkson).

AND YOUR WINNER: “We Are Young” by (the now completely dry) Fun.

Nate Ruess gives a speech that has the first real crack of the night in “I don’t know what we’re thinking writing this chorus, now that we’re in HD and you can see our faces, we are clearly not young.”. They then thank Jay-Z (who mouths a “You’re Welcome” from the crowd) and Chick Corea before the orchestra kicks in to introduce Johnny Depp. I want them to win more awards now because they are clearly the only people so far who have not taken this awards show too seriously tonight.

Depp is there to introduce Mumford and Sons in 20 words or less. They play their hit “I will wait” in front of a large display of lights and had an excellent performance aside from some sound issues that seemed to keep the backing vocals from coming through, though the remainder of the sound was very impressive.

Justin Timberlake performs at the 2013 Grammy Awards (source: Grammys.com)

9:15 PM: We return to Ellen Degeneres and Beyonce (in a pantsuit tonight) whom do a shticky introuction for Justin Timberlake, whom is here to perform “Suit and Tie”. The screen goes black and white, which is probably not a right call because it makes Justin Timberlake look disturbingly like Rick Astley. Jay-Z then climbs on stage to perform his verse. The screen then goes color befor Justin does a new song with a full orchestra and band (Update: The song is titled “Pusher Love Girl”). All internet memes aside, the performance is excellent and realizing the irony in saying this about someone whose only a few years older than myself, he still clearly has it.

Following that performance, we next see presenters Kelly Rowland and Nas, whom announce the nominees for a new category: Best Urban Contemporary Album

Fortune (Chris Brown), Kaliedoscope Dream (Miguel), Channel Orange (Frank Ocean)

AND THE WINNER: Channel Orange by Frank Ocean

9:30 PM:

During the commercial, we saw a hard release date for Justin Timberlake’s new album, which will drop on March 19^th.

Dave Grohl and Pauley Perette (Abby from NCIS) whom are here to announce that Dan Auerbach won producer of the year earlier in the day, before presenting the award for best Rock Performance

“Hold On” (Alabama Shakes), “Lonely Boy” (The Black Keys), “Charlie Brown” (Coldplay), “I Will Wait”, (Mumford and Sons) and

“We take care of our own” (Bruce Springsteen).

AND THE WINNER: “Lonely Boy” by the Black Keys

Following that, Maroon 5 and Alicia Keys perform “Room on Fire” and “Daylight”. While Maroon 5’s performance of Daylight was fine, “Girl on Fire” felt a little flat at points. This was a bit troubling as if there are two vocal artists who not only can, but are expected to let their vocals soar, it’s Adam Levine and Alicia Keys.

Kaley Cuoco and Keith Urban next came out to introduce the award for “Best Pop Vocal Album”. The nominees were:

Stronger (Kelly Clarkson), Ceremonials (Florence and the Machine), Some Nights (Fun.). Overexposed (Maroon 5), and The Truth About Love (Pink).

AND THE WINNER: Stronger by Kelly Clarkson

Kelly comes up and wings an acceptance speech, where she mentions being “stuck to Miranda Lambert” and expressed interest in working with Miguel. It was truly spontaneous and very welcome in this very overstuffed and seemingly overscripted show.

9:55 PM: After a performance from Rihanna that had shades of Adele’s performance of “Someone Like You” from last year, Carly Rae Jespen and Ne-Yo come out to present the award for best Rap/Sung collaboration

“Wild Ones” (Flo-Rida f. Sia), “Tonight” (John Legend f. Ludacris), “Cherry Wine ‘ (Nas f. Amy Winehouse), “Talk that Talk” (Rihanna f. Jay Z), and “No Church in the Wild” (Jay-Z/Kanye West feat. Frank Ocean and the Dream)

AND THE WINNER: No Church in the Wild by Jay-Z and Kanye West featuring Frank Ocean and the Dream.

In a classy move, Jay-Z gave most of the speech to Frank Ocean and the Dream, whom both give quick shout outs. Jay-Z on the other hand, simply thanks “The swap meet, because that’s where he (The Dream) got that hat.”

10:02 PM: The Lifetime Achievement award was announced with The Temptations, Carole King, Ravi Shankar, Patty Page, Glenn Gould, Charlie Haden, and Lightning Hopkins amongst the recipients.

After the break, Kat Dennings comes out to introduce the Black Keys, Dr. John, and the New Orleans Preservation Hall Band. All parties involved come out rocking, performing the Black Keys’ hit “Lonely Boy”. While I am typically not a fan of brass instruments in Rock Music. Adding to the proceedings was Dr. John, whom was dressed about as outlandishly as one could possibly be on a grammy stage, in full Hoodoo gear. It was a great performance, I do with it would have highlighted Dr. John a little more.
This was then followed up by Kelly Clarkson performing a medley including “Tennessee Waltz”, “Natural Woman”, in order to honor Patti Page and Carole King. This then segued into the nominations for best country album.

The nominees are: Uncaged (Zac Brown Band), Hunter Hayes (Hunter Hayes), Living for a Song: A Tribute to Hank Cochran (Jamey Johnson), For the Record (Miranda Lambert), The Time Jumpers (The Time Jumpers)

AND THE WINNER: The Zac Brown Band’s Uncaged.

Bruno Mars and Rihanna during the Bob Marley Tribute (Source Grammys.com)

10:13 PM: We now get the Grammy’s tribute to Bob Marley with Bruno Mars, Sting, Damian and Ziggy Marley. The tribute started with Bruno Mars, who performed his hit single “Locked out of Heaven”. After the first chorus Sting came out in a fun moment as “Locked out of Heaven” is really Bruno Mars’ attempt at writing a police song. This then segued into The Police’s “Walking on the Moon”. This performance has been the best of the show so far, as Bruno hung out there with Sting and didn’t look out of place, though it looked like Sting initially hindered by the fact that “Locked out” was sped up.

Midway through the performance, Rihanna, Damian and Ziggy Marley came out and performed “Could You be Loved”. This actually created a largeness to the performance that made it feel more worthy of the Grammy stage, eclipsing even Rihanna’s prior appearance 15 minutes earlier.

10:30 PM: LL introduces The Lumineers, whom perform their hit single “Ho Hey”. The performance seemed perfectly servicable, and it seems like they have fixed the microphone problems from earlier. This then swept into Jack White’s performance of “Love Interruption”. After the completion of “Love Interruption.” Jack then exploded into “Freedom at 21”, giving the perfect loud kick after two quieter songs.

Katy Perry is now out to present the Best New Artist award. She marvels at the dedication it takes to get to that point before offering a little solace for those who didn’t win, saying: “I didn’t even get nominated for best new artist, but now I have my own eyelash line!”

The nominees are: Alabama Shakes, Fun., Hunter Hayes, The Lumineers, Frank Ocean

AND THE WINNER: Fun. (Fun has taken two Grammys tonight, I think they are now very much in the discussion for Album of the Year).

I think this one is a little bit of a shocker, I was pretty sure Frank Ocean was going to be a mortal lock for this one.

Hour three right now seems to have been a lot kinder to this show than the first two hours.

Carrie Underwood and her projection screen dress (Source: Grammys.com)

10:45 PM: And apparently I jinxed everyone (sorry!).

Hunter Hayes is out to sing (I wasn’t impressed, but I’m not a country guy) before introducing Carrie Underwood, who then sung two of her songs. Carrie’s vocals did not feel particularly impressive, but the lighting for this was particularly impressive as they used Carrie’s dress as a proxy for a projection screen, allowing for a neat visual that worked out superbly.

After this, Prince made a rare appearance to present Record of the Year, looking like a hybrid of Michael Jackson, Stevie Wonder, and Puff Daddy.

The Nominees are:
“Lonely Boy” (The Black Keys), “Stronger” (Kelly Clarkson), “We are Young” (Fun.),“Somebody That I Used to Know” (Gotye f. Kimbra), “Thinking About You” (Frank Ocean), “We are never ever Getting Back Together” (Taylor Swift).

AND THE WINNER: “Somebody That I used to Know” by Gotye f. Kimbra.

11:04 PM: We come back to “Take Five” (no introduction, but it’s one of my favorite Jazz songs of all time, so uh, I know it…and now you do too.) for what I’m assuming is the tribute to Dave Brubeck as performed by Chick Corea, Stanley Clarke, and Kenny Garrett.

Neal Portnow and Ryan Seacrest (who’s now the honorary chairman of the Grammy Foundation) are out to introduce Justin Timberlake. Mr. Timberlake comes out to shill for the Grammy Foundation and the new “music educator” award.

We now get the in Memorian Montage, which includes Dave Brubeck, Donna Summer, Andy Williams, Chuck Brown, Robin Gibb, Patti Page, Davy Jones , Dick Clark, Fontella Bass, Hal David, Marvin Hamlish, Richard Adler, Andy Griffith, Ravi Shankar, Adam Yauch (Adrock of the Beastie Boys), Levon Helm and others. Looking back at that last sentence, it seems like every genre of music took a heavy loss in 2012.

This then leads to a tribute to Levon Helm fronted by Elton John, Zac Brown, Mumford and Sons, T-Bone Burnett, Mavis Staples, Brittany Howard of Alabama Shakes as they played “The Weight”. This performance had a looser jam band performance due to the larger nature of this collaboration. Elton seemed a lot stronger in this performance than his earlier performance with Eddie Sheeran. This performance is easily in the upper echelon of performances tonight.

11:18 PM: We return to Juanes paying tribute to Elton John singing “Your Song” in English and Spanish in a very intimate acoustic vibe before kicking it to Frank Ocean, who’s performing his single “Forrest Gump”. They start with a cool visual effect where Frank is running on a video screen before completing his run up a hill to his keyboard in person. Frank wrenched a ton of emotion into this one and it created an excellent and haunting performance

We’re down to one last award, Album of the Year, and Adele is here to award it after making a quick crack about she got knocked up after winning Album of the Year last year.

The Nominees are:

El Camino (The Black Keys), Channel ORANGE (Frank Ocean), Blunderbuss (Jack White), Some Nights (Fun.),Babel (Mumford and Sons)

AND YOUR WINNER: Babel by Mumford and Sons.

A pretty deserving winner and one of my favorites from earlier. They managed to spread the love around somewhat with only Jack White not making the winner’s podium during the course of the show tonight.

11:42 PM: We’re down to the grand finale, a performance by LL Cool J, Chuck D, Tom Morello, Travis Barker, and DJ Z-Trip, whom performed “Whaddup”, which was a fun way to end the show if only because Chuck D’s voice IS rap to me, and LL was game. It was a pretty solid performance and I would kill to see the single, though it would not have killed CBS not to stick fee plugs in the middle of the song.

My Final Thoughts: This year’s Grammy ceremony felt a little overstuffed with tons of abrupt transitions and sequences and with a little bit of breathing room we could have cut some of the weaker performances (notably the lacking Maroon 5/Alicia Keys collaboration and Hunter Hayes’ introduction of an introduction). Additionally, at times the show had a somber, joyless feel at points during a night that should be the biggest party for the music industry of the year. That being said, what you expected to deliver did deliver (the Marley and Levon Helms’ tributes, as well your Album of the Year candidates’ performances), so check out those seven performances.

Also some enjoyable moments I didn’t get to point out amid the I Love Lucy Conveyor Belt pace of the show:

Taylor Swift was rocking out to EVERYTHING. I’m not sure why, but this is really amusing to me.
The full extent of Kelly Clarkson’s gushing about R+B artist Miguel
Once the show hit hour three and it slowed down a little bit, it seemed like the show was able to gel a little more as the orchestra wasn’t cutting off awards speeches at the 30 second mark as it did for Fun.’s first speech

Final Verdict: If you haven’t seen the whole show, it’s probably not worth watching all three hours. You owe it to yourself to YouTube up the Marley tribute though, and I would probably check out Fun.’s , Jack White’s, and the Black Keys’ performances as well. LL Cool J was passable as a host, but the role of host honestly felt superfluous with the rapid pace that the show took.

Michael Tyminski

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