ENTERTAINMENT

Take Reality and Wrestling, Add Soap And You Get Total Divas

Total Divas: Sundays at 10 p.m. Eastern on E!

One of the more intriguing stories in entertainment over the past decade has been WWE chairman Vince McMahon’s attempt to move from undisputed king of pro wrestling into other media outlets. While many of these moves have not ended particularly well for the company (with the XFL being the most notable failure) McMahon has not stopped trying to put some diversity into the E (for Entertainment) of his flagship company. Sunday night, he partnered with a different E! (the network) in a much smaller jump that could help build some credibility for his non-wrestling ventures.

Total Divas is a reality-style (it’s tied to pro wrestling, so I’m willing to take a wild guess and say the majority of it is likely scripted) show following the lives of it’s women’s division, also referred to as the Divas division. Headlining the show are the Bella Twins (Brie and Nikki), whose on-screen characters often have them being catty and manipulative. However, in real life they each date one half of this Summerslam’s main event in WWE poster child John Cena and former indy sensation Daniel Bryan. Also heavily featured are Natalya Neidhart (daughter of Jim “The Anvil” Neidhart) and tag team the Funkadelics (Ariane and Trinity, who also double as valets to male tag team “Tons of Funk”).

Our opening episode touches on a lot of areas. Our first main plot involves the run-up to Wrestlemania, where the Bellas and Funkadactyls are slated to face off in eight person tag action. However, we also focus on the relationship sub-thread, after Cena buys Nikki a Range Rover well before he buys her a ring, making Nikki insecure about the future of their relationship. A storyline plot line sets up Natalya with two new Divas, Eva Marie and JoJo Offerman, leading them around the town and mentoring them while dealing with the disappointment of not having a match at the big show.

On a positive front, the show is incredibly well produced, full of slick production work and well designed video packages. These packages are a key part of an exposition heavy full segment, as the show has to introduce two new divas to the audience, but also focusing on giving sufficient backstory to the Funkadactyls, whom do not typically see a ton of TV time (the Divas usually only see about one to one and a half segments of a 3 hour episode of RAW), while ensuring that Natty and the Bellas are properly introduced to an E! target audience that probably runs scared from sports entertainment. That being said, I was quite irked by the fact that they couldn’t be bothered to refer to Jim Neidhart as anything other than “Natalya’s Dad” when they introduce Natalya by bringing up the fact that she comes from a strong wrestling pedigree.

That being said, the show tends to have a little bit of an identity conflict. On one hand, it seems like half of the time the various Diva’s are acting in character, but then the other half of the time you peel back to see the person inside in a more human and fourth wall shattering manner than your average reality show. The end result is some degree of muddying of our characters, which seems disorienting for someone who follows WWE’s other products, and has to be even more confusing for someone who doesn’t follow the product. This is made even worse by the fact that they tend to flip pretty regularly between stage names and real identities of almost every character on the show (most notably Ariane and Trinity, whom for the longest time have gone by Cam’ron and Naomi on WWE TV respectively) with minimal rhyme or reason.

The show seems to shine most in those moments where it lets the Divas be more honest. As wildly entertaining as it is to see Brie and Nikki get stuck performing their arrogant, alpha female shtick in other settings, it seems like we truly get to know Nikki best when she’s being both optimistic but also a little preoccupied about her relationship with Cena. Similarly, the Funkadactyls arc (which gets wrapped up a little bit too abruptly) ends up becoming the strongest line in the episode due to how much less scripted it feels as the two close friends get into a heated discussion over a mishap backstage, both being equally justified over the situation.

The Final Verdict: Total Divas does not totally commit to any of the roads it could have taken. On one hand, the show could have easily been scripted to excess and played out the way the first quarter of the show did: as a weekly hour-long pro WWE puff piece. On the other hand they could have just as easily taken the opportunity to pull back the curtain and learn more about the people that inhabit the characters. Instead, we got a little of both, creating an uneven, if fairly unoffensive hour of reality-ish television with a little bit of soap opera thrown in for good measure. It’s actually pretty funny that the show possesses as many shades of gray as it does, because the WWE has been avoiding such dynamics in it’s actual wrestling programming. It’s the sort of show that I would wait-and-see on, since the ratio of over-packaged and rehearsed to natural really will affect how entertaining the show becomes.

Netflix’d: Orange is the New Black | Netflix Show Episodes

by Peter Foy

Creator: Jenji Kohan
Format: Hour-long Drama
Episodes: 13
Genre: Prison Drama, Comedy/Drama, Semi-autobiographical
Cast: Taylor Schilling, Laura Prepon, Michael J. Harney, Michelle Hurst, Kate Mulgrew, Jason Biggs
Similar Too: Weeds, United States of Tara, The Big C
Not Similar Too: Oz, Women in Cages, soft-core porn on cine-max

There are a few sub-genres for television dramas that I feel have become played out beyond the point of redemption. Cop shows have become so regurgitated at this point it’s a wonder that audience members don’t just stick to watching (and rewatching) The Wire, and medical dramas are perhaps even more so. That said, the one television genre that I lastly expected to have a fresh take done on it anytime soon was the prison drama. While you could make a case that there haven’t been very many prison dramas on television, I felt that two good ones were enough for one tv viewing lifetime. Oz explored the problems of the American penal system while also serving up plenty of delicious brutality, while Prison Break used the setting to pull off a rather clever action/adventure serial. Still, it’s hard not to acknowledge that setting a TV show primarily in a correctional facility severely limits story potential, which is probably the reason why those two aforementioned series eventually jumped the shark. Then I found out that Netflix was premiering a series set in a female prison. It made me think this: “…by golly, that could work!?

Orange is the New Black is based off the memoir of Piper Kerman, who served 13 months of a 15th-month sentence at FCI Danbury during 2004-2005. The show is a highly fictionalized interpretation of the actual events, but the base plot points have remained unaltered from reality. The show’s protagonist, Piper Chapman (Taylor Schilling), is a women in her early 30s, living in NYC with her fiance Larry (Jason Biggs), but her promising life is put on hold when her past finally catches up to her. It turns out that Piper had a romance with a female drug smuggler ten years ago, and now the authorities have finally fingered her out as an accomplice. She’s sent to a women’s prison in Litchfeld, NY, full of a whole array of colorful inmates and guards, including Alex Vause (Laura Prepon), her former girlfriend and the whole reason she’s in this mess in the first place.

You’re probably now wondering whether the show has a dark or light tone to it, but I can certainly attest that ONB is about as fun as a show about female prisoners can be, which turns out to remarkably be a lot. As the prison’s manager Sam Healey (Michael J. Harney) explains to Piper in the first episode, “this isn’t Oz.” Developed by Jenji Kohan, the creator of Weeds, ONB does indeed have a similar style and tone to that series. Like Weeds, ONB focuses on a strong female character (in this case several, actually), prides itself on using pop/retro music (compare the opening credits for both shows), and most blatantly it’s also a show that will stretch the definition of “realistic”. While certainly grounded in reality, the show often ventures into high-concept television situations, with heightened scenarios and plot developments that would only exist on American television, but this isn’t a bad thing. At a time when a show like Girls is getting major critical points for how real it seems regarding it’s female issues, it’s nice to see another show come around that focuses on women that’s just as raw, but isn’t necessarily trying to be as palpable.

Where ONB does differ from Kohan’s previous show, however, is in it’s format, and the show actually borrows a storytelling device from Lost: Heavy integration of flashbacks. As Piper gets to know her fellow inmates, we as viewers get to know them a bit more, as the show’s narrative will break from the present and look at the lives of it’s characters from before they were behind bars. The revelations we discover are often surprising, and even make us take a full 180 regarding our views on characters we previously thought we had figured out. At it’s best, the effect can be heartbreaking, as we discover that Jenji Kohan does find at least some humanity in all of her characters, no matter how terrible their acts may be. One episode that explicates on a character’s history as a child laborer comes off as particularly meaty.

It’s a fairly complex show, and right from the very first episode it’s clear that Jenji Kohan wants people to take home some social awareness from it. The show’s opening sequence placates image’s of the cast’s faces, in a not so vague attempt to address the show’s concerns about race and identity. Piper is certainly the odd woman out at this prison as she comes from an educated and well-off background. Still, her history as a homosexual gains plenty of attention from the other inmates, with the topic of lesbian sex consistantly brought up to her, and at least one of the show’s character’s refers to her as “wife”. While always provocative, the show is rarely if ever disturbing. The show isn’t afraid to deal with prison sex in a humorous regard, and yes sometimes that does mean rape jokes, but this black comedy is integral to the show’s success. It allows us to perceive the characters both as sympathetic and likable, and then when the show actually does show us onscreen violence (which is not very often at all), we get a much more lasting impact from it.

Besides social commentary, the show also functions brilliantly as a character study for Piper Chapman, who is actually much different from Weeds protagonist Nancy Botwin. While right from the start, Weeds showed that Nancy was fully integrated into her role as a drug-dealing suburbanite, Piper is ripe for growth as while she is fearful and unhappy with her incarceration, we also see her strive to make things better for herself and her inmates. Taylor Schilling does a mighty fine job of showing the character as both insecure yet optimistic, which makes us fully understand her relationship choices throughout the series. Speaking of which, I just can’t end this review without bringing up Jason Biggs performance. As most of us know, Jason Biggs was once a very recognizable leading comedy man in Hollywood due to the success of the American Pie movies, who has since had a much more quiet career in recent years. Here though, his ability for playing underachievers really takes off, and he really does seem like a perfect fit for Larry, the struggling quasi-Jewish writer. As Larry and Piper’s relationship comes more and more entangled, Biggs really shows that he can be a drama heavy weight when called for. The 11th episode features a really all-encompassing scene that involves his character speaking on NPR, and it profoundly addresses the shows themes on stereotypes and misperceived notions.

For my review of the Netflix original series House of Cards, I had said that I was really excited for the next slew of television shows that the site would premiere throughout the year. Unfortunately, I was only met with disappointment as April’s Hemlock Grove proved to be lackluster, and the much-hyped 4th season of Arrested Development was rather unfocused to say the least. ONB, however,is even better than House of Cards, and it’s perhaps the first show to premiere on Netflix that really makes the most of the site’s advantages. With all the episodes lasting between 50-60 minutes, the show really gives the necessary character development needed for its large ensemble cast. Also, besides being super addictive, I feel the fact that the whole season was released at once really works for it’s benefit. Viewers can return to episodes through a simple mouse click, and refresh themselves on certain moments that have a huge impact on the show in latter episodes. It’s a tactic Mitchell Hurwitz said he wanted to incorporate into the fourth season of Arrested Development, but it works far better for the page-turning nature of ONB. A very likely contender for best new show of 2013.

Album Review: Fuck Buttons – Slow Focus

by Rio Toro

Fuck Buttons: Slow Focus

Similar Artists: Black Dice, Battles, Carter Tutti Void, Blanck Mass

Genre: Noise Rock, Post Rock, Noise Techno, Shoegaze

Label: ATP Recordings

When Fuck Buttons debuted in 2008 with the polarizing, John Cummings’ produced Street Horrrsing, the group actually received a resounding amount of backlash from noise purists — who said the duo provided an overwrought and overly accessible version of noise-rock; catering to people who were more inclined towards mainstream indie rock rather than the “hardcore”. Then, next year, around the time “Surf Solar” was released from the lauded Tarot Sport, the haters really started to shut up. It certainly wasn’t because Tarot Sport was any less accessible than its predecessor though, because gone were the filthy, distorted vocals and modular incoherencies — instead, Tarot Sport offered a more streamlined, HD version of noise-rock that perfectly encapsulated the epic crescendos of post-rock. The fact that they created this edgy, piercingly beautiful sound without the use of guitars made it all the more impressive; it even made us wonder what — if any — was the use for actual electric guitars in this day and age.

During the short amount of time between the group’s first two full lengths, their artistic approach grew tenfold. These were massive, pulsating statements that didn’t just change the mood of the environment they were being played in — they actually managed to grab hold of its neck and pummel it to the ground with resounding force. However, It has now been 4 years since their last effort, and despite the lengthy incubation period, their first self produced album, Slow Focus, offers much less in the way of stylistic change from its predecessor. Thankfully, this doesn’t prevent it from being a strange and often confounding listen.

More so than any of their previous albums, the seven tracks on Slow Focus are prone to overload your senses. It’s the kind of music that doesn’t seem overly loud while you’re playing it — but just wait until you take your headphones off and realize you’ve given yourself a case of Tinnitus. I believe the unbeknownst harshness has to do with the fact that the duo’s sound is somehow (possibly over any other adjective) accessible — even immediately so on tracks such as the frenetic, drum crazy “Brainfreeze” and the arpeggiator heavy “Prince’s Prize”. Despite how there are nearly always high pitched frequencies to be heard, there is also so much else that sends positive, even calming messages to our brain waves. Because of this “overload”, It’s tempting to say that the duo buries the noise within their compositions, but as everything seems to be so evenly distributed in the mix, that wouldn’t be correct either. It is more that we are distracted by the more luminescent aspects of the music, and our mind tunes out the harsher, more disorienting aspects of the music. It is because our minds ignore the noise that we fail to brace ourselves from it.

Nevertheless, this is music that is worth damaging your ears for. Fuck Buttons’ approach has expanded in the sense that the textures are deeper and more layered than ever before — which is saying a lot, especially because this happens to be the first time the duo are taking the lead roles as producers/engineers. It’s a wonder why they didn’t do production work on Yeezus, because here they obtain a mood that is similarly riddled with anxiety and paranoia, and the productions are so gargantuan and extremist that they could seemingly topple over on themselves at any moment. However, where Yeezus defied expectations, Slow Focus flows very naturally and even predictably during the lengthiest tracks. The last two tracks “Stalker” and “Hidden Xs” — which also happen to be the longest — are so floaty and indebted to shoegaze that one could even fall asleep to them.

It’s hard to figure out when music started to sound this luxuriously massive, because I certainly can’t remember hearing anything like this a few years back. These are productions that seem to transcend the aspect of slow vs. fast, noisy vs. ambient, and raw vs. precise. Since we have basically heard no new music from the group during their lengthy 4 year absence, it really is astonishing that no one was able to forgot about them — “Surf Solar” has even become somewhat of a classic, and might be the best introduction to the now prevalent genre of noise-techno. Whether you enjoy Fuck Buttons or not, this is music that leaves a mark on you due to its relentless immediacy; and yes, this “mark” I’m talking about is more than just the permanent hearing loss that will result from the experience.

Track Listing:

1.) Brainfreeze*

2.) Year Of The Dog

3.) The Red Wing*

4.) Sentients*

5.) Prince’s Prize

6.) Stalker

7.) Hidden Xs*

Album Highlight – *

Fox’s New Block Will Rock Your Socks Off

by Michael Tyminski

Axe Cop/High School USA – 11:00pm and 11:15pm Eastern Saturday Nights on FOX

It’s been a couple of years since Saturday Night Live has had any credible competition in the Saturday late-night time slot. The network that feels the most comfortable filling that void, oddly enough has been Fox, a network that runs less prime time than other networks and with the exception of sports programming avoids all other hours at all costs. While Fox’s last attempt at this slot fought fire with fire in the long running and painfully unfunny sketch comedy MadTV, it’s newest late-night strategy instead seems lifted from the Adult Swim playbook, putting two 15-minute animated shows into one half hour.

The first show in this block, Axe Cop, is derived from a web-comic of the same name written by Ethan Nicolle. The series follows the adventures of the titular Axe Cop (voiced by Nick Offerman) and his partner in crime-fighting Flute Cop (voiced by The State alum Ken Marino), as they deal with otherworldly issues that fall outside of the line of standard issue police work.

The second, High School USA!, is the latest creation from Morel Orel creator and Community writer, Dino Stamatopoulos. It follows a group of cheery young Millenials through the standard high school experience, if your high school was full of the hypersensitive types that say “Totally!” a lot.

Seeing how these shows are half-length in nature, I’m going to do away with a plot synopsis and do something similar to what I did with The Following and aim for quick thoughts on both new shows.

Axe Cop: This show is hilarious, in large part because of it’s juxtapositions. This is both because it routinely mixes mundane with AWESOME! (A key plot point of our first episode involves the costs of renting a dinosaur horn and Axe Cop trying to avoid late fees). This conflation is possible because it mixes the storytelling of a five year old (Nicolle’s grade school aged brother writes the major arcs) with references no five year old should ever get and some comically hypocritical humor. Additionally, the voice cast does an excellent job selling the fact that a five year old is telling a story without going into intentional bad acting mode.

High School USA! This show exhibits a lot of traits with it’s predecessor, though while Morel Orel ripped apart fundamentalism, High School USA sends up the modern day high school experience. It does so using the same broken Aesops and hypocritical authority figures (the best line in the show comes when the teacher who kicked out a student for bullying mentions that he can “compromise his values for a little music”). While it’s weird to see the Archie meets Happy Days vibe hit a contemporary target, watching Marsh whip up a twisted version of what constitutes bullying through sheer good intentions brings you back into familiar territory for Stamatopoulos.

The Final Verdict: Fox has a winner on its’ hands with it’s new animation block. While not as creatively adventurous, it’s a breath of fresh air to see the manic nature of Adult Swim played out on broadcast TV. Axe Cop in particular espouses this energy, as every time you turn around the show throws another twist at you that is equal parts ridiculous and awesome, but conveys the wonderment of the eight year old who lays out the story arcs. High School USA also exhibits that same energy by fearlessly committing to it’s subversion and satire of surface level morality (which mirror a more real moral about acceptance). Check both out when you have time, whether its from being stuck in on a Saturday night or online at Fox’s new Animation Domination High Def site.

Album Review: Lustmord – The Word As Power

by Rio Toro

Lustmord: The Word As Power

Similar Artists: Locrian & Mamiffer, Ben Frost, Robert Rich, Steve Roach

Genre: Dark Ambient, Drone, Religious Music

Label: Blackest Ever Black

There’s a whole lot of talented (as well as highly prolific) artists who seem to be devoting their lives to making dark ambient/drone music, and despite the time and patience that goes into making this so called “drone”, a whole lot of this niche feels disposable, and honestly, far from original. As great as Sunn O))) are, we don’t need dozens of artists to prove that to us by making what is essentially a “cover” version of the blackened ambient void that was so clearly perfected by the seattle duo a decade ago. I don’t mean to sound disrespectful, for I’m in fact a huge fan of a lot of the music I seemed to have just dissed, but recently many of these releases have acted more like mood experiments to be played in your sleeping chamber rather than an album to return to time and time again.

However, if there’s one label whose interests seem to lie in broadening the horizons of this genre, it’s Blackest Ever Black, whose 2010 debut marked the release of the first Raime EP. By linking disparate strands of electronic music (industrial, techno, noise) with the accustomed droning ambience, groups such as Raime have proved that drone is a genre that is far from sterile.

Brian Williams, who has recorded as Lustmord since the 1980’s, is rightly credited as a progenitor of the dark ambient genre, so it seems appropriate that he makes his newest artistic leap on Blackest Ever Black. Still, with an overwhelming catalogue of music from the past three decades, it’s hard to really get excited about a new Lustmord release — especially when that release happens to be a two disk, 70 minute long statement based upon theological constructs.

With The Word As Power — Lustmord’s most ambitious and high profile release in years — we are treated to 7 ritualistic monstrosities that blur the line between holiness and wickedness, serenity and fearfulness. The pieces are largely led by a host of ethereal vocalists, such as Aina Olsen, Soriah, and Jarboe of Swans fame, whose voices are all largely untouched production wise — save for some slight reverb and the occasional echo. This is the first album in the artist’s 30 year career to focus so closely on vocals, so it really is astonishing that they are all executed with such dynamic precision. The second half of the album even features throat singing from a completely unrecognizable Maynard James Keenan. Due to the mostly ethereal voices, these tracks play out like ancient hymns being sung as a gift to the heavens — hence the title The Word As Power. This power is best represented during the 17 minute centerpiece “Chorazin”, in which the vocalist wavers around the same vocal line while reciting the word “holy” over and over again, such as it would be in a buddhist chant in order to obtain a higher state of being. Still, despite the presence of religion, people are going to find this music unnerving over anything else, like they are being taken through a state of divine retribution.

Even with the cast of vibrant vocalists, the album happens to be its most heart stopping when the instrumentation is at its full force. The tracks range from 5 minutes to 17, and it is during the longest pieces where the environment becomes the most frighteningly intense. Aside from quiet ambience, the instrumental landscape is made up of minimal organ chords, swirling black metal guitars tuned to abnormally low frequencies, threatening bass drops, slight percussion, and deformed ghostly howls which claw at us ominously from the distance.

It may sound like it isn’t all that different from your average dark ambient album, and although it isn’t quite groundbreaking, it does manages to stand out from the horde of followers due to the way it maintains a solid mood, while still changing up the dynamic with each track to keep things interesting. Furthermore, while it may not propel the genre into unchartered territory like other releases from the label have, it does exist as a singular statement within both the dark ambient and drone genres — which isn’t a thing that can be said very often. The Word As Power is a monolithic, expansive, and downright harrowing release from an artist working at the peak of his creativity.

Track Listing:

1.) Babel*

2.) Goetia

3.) Chorazin*

4.) Grigori*

5.) Andras Sodom

6.) Abaddon

7.) Y Gair

Album Highlight – *

The Vineyard manages to strangle all drama out of it’s “reality”

by Michael Tyminski

The Vineyard: Tuesdays at 10 p.m. Eastern on ABC Family

It’s been two decades since The Real World, what many would consider to be the first reality show, debuted with it’s premiere season in New York. Since then, the notion of sticking large number of college-age kids in crammed spaces for reasonably long lengths of time has become one of the most enduring angles of the reality genre. The various evolutions of this basic formula have included: making the house a road trip (Road Rules), turning it into a competition (Big Brother), using faded D-listers (The Surreal Life), and of course finding eight crude people and placing them in their natural habitat (Jersey Shore). While MTV has typically been the traditional home of this sub-genre, ABC family is taking its’ first crack at reality with its’ newest show The Vineyard.

The Vineyard, much like Jersey Shore, follows a large group of early 20-somethings as they hit a place that people flock to for vacation, in this case, New England summer spot Martha’s Vineyard. The eleven cast members live and work together in local hot spot The Black Dog while dealing with the summer heat and each other.

This is the sort of show that typically makes me doubt the “reality” aspect of the show. Even in the most contrived reality TV, there’s a sense that at least the reactions are what make the show real, even if predictable. Unfortunately, all of the reactions here are painfully muted, making for incredibly boring television full of wooden dialogue with no real sense of proportion. This is a problem, as things are precisely as big a deal as you are willing to make an audience believe they are (more on that point Friday when I take a look at Fox’s new late-night block), so a the non-reactions create the vibe that nothing is important.

These aspects are made even worse by the shows insistence of telling in lieu of showing (they allude to a bonfire the night before during a mid-morning conversation– do these camera crews only work from 9 to 5?). This is made all the more frustrating by the fact that the camera work is cinematic in scope and feels a cut above your standard cinema fare, so one would hope that the ability to show the action would take precedence over the numerous stock shots with long musical interludes that clutter the show.

However, if the show was scripted, could they have come up with more inane and boring dialogue? Many of the conversations don’t really evolve beyond small talk, and the ones that do over-rely on exposition, only for major plot developments (Kate’s decision to go for Lou) ending up being underplayed to the point where the only way to tell when a statement advances the story is to wait for the music to cut in after someone finishes their sentence.

The Final Verdict: The Vineyard starts with an appealing concept (Preppy kids spending a summer on Martha’s Vineyard getting in trouble? Count me in!) and then immediately does everything in its’ power to undermine it’s appeal. The drama is lacking, the show seems to have an issue with showing the action (the closest we get to drama while it’s happening is a fight between Luis and Johnny that immediately heads into darkness where we can’t see it), and the excessively rehearsed dialogue is mundane (this may be me, but isn’t the point of making a reality show less real is to punch up the proceedings and ensure controversy?). Skip this one at all costs, if you’re looking for some teen drama watch reruns of Dawson’s Creek, or for summer reality fun, check out The Real World, as either instance is a better investment of an hour.

Top 10 Showtunes for Shunning the Sun

by Ryan Leeds

Top 10 Show Tunes For Shunning the Sun

While the relentless heatwave may have passed, summer is still alive and well. What better way to cool off than with an enjoyable Broadway ditty. While “Summer Nights” from Grease is the perfect pick for karaoke with your gal pal after a pitcher full of margaritas and “Summertime” from Porgy and Bess remains one of the most beautiful melodies ever penned by the Gershwins, I have avoided the obvious. If you have suggestions or comments about YOUR favorite songs, I’d love to hear from you. Crank the AC and relax!

1.“The Heat Is On In Saigon” from Miss Saigon

The heat may be on in Saigon, but in this insufferable heat, it isn’t lacking in NYC either. This bouncy tune informs us that two things are rampant in Vietnam: Horny Men and Hookers. Wow! Just like NYC! In the middle of the song, A wide eyed, gentle, barmaid Kim innocently tells us:

“I’m 17 and I’m new here today/the village I come from seems so far away/All of the girls know much more what to say/but I know I have a heart like the sea/A million dreams are in me”

Sometimes I sing this line with personal conviction while I’m getting ready in the morning—until I catch my own reflection in the bathroom mirror and notice the graying temples and receding hairline—then I change my tune to “Why God Why”. This upbeat, raucous song from Alain Boubill & Claude-Michel Schönberg also provides an excellent opportunity for raging theater queens to sing along and feign romantic interest in the ladies. Not since South Pacific’s “There’s Nothing Like a Dame” has a show tune been so “ butch!”

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=do-j6ZnpCEE

Photo courtesty of http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_MvMR2HD-NDg/TA-tcf0AaMI/AAAAAAAAAhs/OnGqYZMofFM/s1600/Miss_Saigon+Poster.jpg — Photo courtesy of Wikipedia

2.“Sit Down, John” from 1776

Talk about troubles! Founding Father John Adams not only had a resistant congress who wouldn’t even debate colonization much less vote on it, but he also lacked a Friederich’s air conditioner to cool his weary, sweat laden brow! This delegate from Massachusetts teaches us all a very important lesson: If you can’t stand the heat or get people to work with you, simply open up a window, stomp your feet like an insolent child, get up and yell, “Vote Yes! Vote Yes! For Independences’ Sake”. Don’t worry that people will think you’re crazy. You are in New York City after all. Music and Lyrics by Sherman Edwards.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5XDKpk2qEOU

3.“Under the Sea” from The Little Mermaid

Ariel longs to be “where the people are” on land, but wise Sebastian the crab reminds her that “Life under the Sea is better than anything they got up there!” This now classic, Oscar award winning Calypso song is lyrical brilliance from Howard Ashman and a sea-sized musical entrée for the ear from composer Alan Menken. Put it on your playlist, be-bop down the sidewalk, and try not to sing along. I dare you!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2DUXVAg7oWg

Image from http://pamelaalfaro.files.wordpress.com/2007/04/412px-movie_poster_the_little_mermaid.jpg

4.“Somewhere That’s Green” from Little Shop of Horrors

Speaking of lyrical and musical brilliance, this beautiful ballad dates back to Howard Ashman and Alan Menken’s first musical collaboration from this cult classic favorite. Haven’t we all wished to escape the confines of a sadistic dentist who gives us a black eye and a broken arm-just so we can dream of living in a quiet suburban development with a nerdy guy who is raising a man eating plant?

This earnestly sweet lullaby makes us long for a simpler life filled with fresh air, Tupperware parties and “I Love Lucy”. Whatever you are doing right now—just stop. Take a break. Mix your favorite drink, sit down in a cool room, and daydream with Audrey.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ouLiQ7KhmYU

Image courtesy of http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/File:Little_shop_of_horrors.jpg

5.“We Need a Little Christmas” from Mame

Nothing says, “Screw You, Heat Wave!” quite like a Jerry Herman number. Sure…it is technically a Christmas song, but it makes us think of cooler December weather and raises our mood higher than James Franco hosting an awards show.

Just listen and enjoy this perky show-stopper. There’s no real reason to actually “haul out the holly” or “put up the tree before your spirit falls again”, unless like most New Yorkers, you have no storage for Christmas decorations and display them year round– In which case, “slice up that fruitcake” and slap on the sunscreen until you wait for Santa to slide down the chimney.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Lb9OVjlEZho

Image courtesy of www.moviepostershop.com

6.“A Lovely Day to Be Out of Jail” from The Life

I’ve often told myself that, if I’m ever incarcerated, I will bust out into a show tune once I’m released. Fortunately, Cy Coleman and Ira Gasman created the perfect sing along song. From the 1997 Tony Award winning musical, this mellow jazz selection (sung by characters Sonja and Queen) reminds us that whether it’s 9 degrees or 99 degrees, “every day is spring when you’re sprung from the slam”. It’s like the advice my mom used to give me as a child: “Honey, a day spent out of jail is a day well spent.”

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=msK5duruMrY

7.“Everybody Rejoice/Brand New Day” from The Wiz

“Can’t you Feel a Brand New Day? Can’t You Feel a Brand New Day? Can’t you Feel a Brand New Day” And if you didn’t understand it the first three times, don’t worry! They’ll sing the same line over and over! Lyrically, the song is about as complex as a Justin Bieber Newsletter, but musically you’ll want to leap out of bed and skip down the street like a happy hooker just released from prison (see #6). In my opinion, the movie version of this song from Charlie Smalls is better than the original Broadway cast recording, but either one will leave you smiling.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zy8dUJEOqos

Image courtesty of http://gaydistrict.org/wp-content/uploads/2013/04/Diana-Ross-The-Wiz-Brand-New-Day.jpg

8.“Where You Are” from Kiss of the Spider Woman

“When you feel you’ve gone to hell in a handbasket/And the world in which you dwell is no paradise…You’ve Got to Learn how not to be where you are”–Excellent advice from the minds of legendary John Kander and Fred Ebb. This memorable mambo is sure to mentally pour you from the pounding sun into cooler climates. And seriously…what on earth is cooler than the indefatigable Chita Rivera singing and dancing in a white tux with tails? Be sure to listen for the high octane tap break. Sometimes I like to dance along to it in my apartment—until my downstairs neighbors pound on the ceiling and ask the herd of elephants to quiet themselves.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CXL2Wq0v4-Q

Image courtesty of http://www.theatrepeople.com.au/sites/default/files/images/Where%20You%20Are.jpg

9. “If Ever I Would Leave You” from Camelot

Excuse me for a moment while I express myself like an eighty year old bitter queen whose had one too many vodka tonics around the piano at the Monster Bar, but they don’t write ‘em like this anymore. This lush Lerner and Lowe melody is smoother than the finest aged bottle of cabernet. Sung by the dashingly handsome Lancelot to his fair maiden Guinevere, He reassures her that neither spring, summer, winter, Nor Fall would be a good time to leave. Ok Romeo, but if this relationship starts going south, you’d better pray for a 5^th season called “Divorce”.

Colm Wilkinson sings a version of this on an album called, “Stage Heroes” which is among my favorites, but the Robert Goulet version (featured in the youtube link below) is chock full of creamy croon.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VwfYHVJHMOA

Image courtesy of http://www.thecobrasnose.com/images6/camelot.jpg

10. “Shine Like The Sun” from 9 to 5

Country music legend Dolly Parton strikes gold with this musical gem from the short-lived stage version of “9 to 5”. I’m convinced that Parton could take the ingredients listed on a box of cheerios and turn them into an anthem of hope and inspiration. Her empowering song reassures us that “There are no guarantees/Life is always a hit or a miss/But I truly believe I won’t always be feeling like this”. Tennessee’s Darling Diva also recorded a solo version on her equally winning album, “Better Day”.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=y6NAYO2SgYs

Image from http://24.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_mog1h15q581stej2oo1_1371315062_cover.jpg

Only God Forgives: Unforgivable?

by Peter Foy

Drive was a great film, but why exactly was that the case? The 2011 crime movie (intrinsically directed by Nicholas Winding Refn and starring Ryan Gosling), was a loose adaptation of a recent crime novel, with a script that was often conventional and predictable, and included plenty of showy violent scenes that could be considered pretentious and/or shlocky, yet the movie went on to be a critical favorite and gather an instant cult follow. The key to the film’s artistic success was that it realized it was pulp fiction, but Refn injected more European arthouse sensibilities to it that actually did accentuate the film’s language. Also, he happened to pull together a dream team of actors for the film, as well as received a soundtrack to the film that was both modern and subversively retro, and what’s more, beneath all it’s violence and viscera, Drive was a thinking man’s love story. All these elements pulled together to make the film a brilliant piece of pop-art, and fans certainly became intrigued when Gosling and Refn announced that they would be re-teaming on another project: Only God Forgives. Two years later, that very film premiered at Cannes Film Festival, the same festival that had awarded Refn the best director accolade for Drive…and it was booed and met with harsh reviews. It’s easy to see why, as Only God Forgives is not to the same level of Drive, nor is it really a good movie for that matter. Still, the most maddening aspect about the film is that it had all the elements present for it to truly have been something special: the best film that Refn or Gosling have done to date.

Set and filmed in Bangkok, the movie centers around Julian (Ryan Gosling), an American gangster who runs a boxing club/drug operation in the city’s underbelly. Despite his role as the protagonist, however, very little of the movie’s story is driven by Julian’s actions. The movie’s conflict is actually sparked by Julian’s brother Billy (Tom Burke), who rapes and kills a young teenage girl for unknown reasons, who is in turn executed by Lt. Chang (Vithaya Pansringarm), a police officer with a particularly strange code of justice, and appears to run a sect of the city’s police force that is outside of lawful jurisdiction. The death of Billy brings Julian’s mother (Kristen Scott Thomas) to Thailand. who hopes to invoke revenge on her favorite son…which of course leads to more violence, torture and what have you.

Only God Forgives is unmistakeably the product of a cine-phile, as it has numerous allusions to films from varying genres within it. Many critics have likened the film to the work of David Lynch, due to it’s heavy surrealism, haunting use of lighting, stilted acting and bizarre visual cues (there’s a reoccurring karaoke motif in the film that seems like a nod to Blue Velvet). The film also bears a strong surface resemblance to Asian films such as Audition and Oldboy, due to it’s setting, fight choreography, and grisly scenes of violence. Most ostensibly though, Only God Forgives appears to be Refn’s attempt at channeling films that really seek to shatter the boundaries of genre and mood. During the credits it’s said that the film is dedicated to film makers Gaspar Noe, and Alejandro Jodorowsky, which definitely makes sense, especially in regards to the former. Like the work of that controversial French director (Irreversible, Enter the Void), the film is an artfully rendered spectacle of decadence, with little interest in making clear-cut themes or telling a conventional storyline. Also, like a Gaspar Noe film, the film is inherently flawed and unappealing, despite the hard work that went into the voluptuous craft.

First the good though. It’s a brilliantly shot film with an engaging soundtrack and visual scape, but the most remarkable (or damning?) thing about Only God Forgives is it’s tone. The film has a really other-worldly feel to it that is best described as hellish, and it works best within the film’s first 20 minutes. The film opens up to Julian walking out of a shadowed hallway and into a bright red gymnasium that’s holding a Thai boxing match. The scene has some rather beautiful camera work from cinematographer Larry Smith, who helped shoot Stanley Kubrick’s Eyes Wide Shut as well, including an overhead shot of the match that seems to suggest that we’re about to witness some really brutal shit. That we certainly do, but the film actually works best as a mood piece as opposed to the film’s more violent sequences. Perhaps the most focused scene in the whole movie comes in an early scene where Julian watches a prostitute masturbate, and it’s about as ethereal as a scene like that could possibly be. Refn had stated that this movie was envisioned as a “nightmare” version of Drive, which is absolutely commendable, but the movie is trying to do more than just be a mood piece and there-in lies the Achilles heel.

Only God Forgives has some of the most experimental use of storytelling and subtext that I’ve seen in a recent film, and it doesn’t pay-off. Scenes will often go on for a very long time with very little happening, and the actions his characters take are often inexplicable. I’m sure many people were wondering where Refn would go in terms of violence for this film, but while viscerally the film is bloody, viewers may feel that they’re watching something painless overall. The characters are all rendered as being stoic or even soulless, and there are numerous scenes where the victims will accept their fates almost willingly. With so little substantial characterization in the film, Only God Forgives leaves us scratching our heads in determining why these characters are motivated as such, or why we should care about their gruesome deaths. Why would you call such a movie Only God Forgives, then? Drive was a film that mystified us with complex character relations through it’s familiar yet dream-like neo-noir aesthetic, and then made us gasp at it’s graphic scenes of violence. Only God Forgives is a film that can only really elicit us to say, “huh?”

Also, one has to ask why Refn hired a cast of such talented actors to star in a film where the characters are little more than inhuman tools. Ryan Gosling shows virtually no emotion throughout the film, speaks less than a dozen sentences, and doesn’t do a whole lot besides get the shit kicked out of him. You can pretty much blame Drive for transforming Ryan Gosling from the guy from The Notebook into a heralded leading-man actor (and an internet meme obsession), but he feels miscast in this movie as he’s playing a character who is essentially a weakling. Vithaya Pansringarm is more well suited for his role, as he performs his own fighting and singing in the movie, but when it comes to acting he also is mostly a blank. Kristen Scott Thomas gives the most memorable performance, but mainly as her character is so trashy. It appears like Only God Forgives is trying to say something about bad parenting, with Julian’s mother being portrayed as a foul-mouthed bitch, who domineers her son as much as she mercilessly ridicules him (I’m talking dick jabs, here), but this idea is not developed upon nearly as much as it should. The film’s end contains a scene that seems to symbolize Julian’s violence is connected to his birthright, but it comes off more as a cool image that was unearned.

One positive thing that can be said about Only God Forgives is that it’s not a film experience you will forget anytime soon. Days after I’ve seen it, I still have been returning my thoughts to it, and have been trying to assess what Refn could have been aiming for it. Alas, more often than not I find myself grasping on air, but it speaks to what a unique viewing experience Only God Forgives is: It’s a weak film that is both fascinating and fully memorable. I for one would love to see a film that uses a similar tone as this one, but doesn’t forsake it for characters, plot or meaning. With Nicholas Winding Refn expressing that he has interest in doing a horror film (with an all female cast no less), I’m hoping that next time he’ll craft us a more perfect nightmare.

Album Review: Various Artists – After Dark 2

by Rio Toro

Various Artists: After Dark 2

Similar Artists: The ones featured here

Genre: Italo-Disco, Synth-Pop

Label: Italians Do It Better

Choose any of the 15 tracks on After Dark 2, and chances are by the song’s end you will already have been sucked into the ultra stylish and noir-esque world of Italians Do It Better. If you’re familiar with previous releases from the label, then you know what you’re getting into here, but the fact that this isn’t a departure certainly doesn’t make the material any less mesmerizing. There’s a clear vision being expressed wholeheartedly by the artists’ here, and it’s arguable that their vision has never been implemented as precisely and seductively as it is here. There’s no denying that compiling the material for this album was a painstakingly tiring process — being plagued by delays since 2008, it even seemed doubtful that there would be an After Dark 2 at all — so the fact that it’s a near perfect representation of the label’s history is somewhat of a miracle.

Maybe it was because everyone was going crazy about darkly sensual “nighttime” electronic music in 2012 due to the popularity of Nicolas Winding Refn’s surrealist, late-night noir masterpiece “Drive”, but something about the two big releases from Italians Do It Better from last year — both Symmetry’s Themes for an Imaginary Film, and Chromatic’s Kill for Love — felt otherworldly and essential. Kill For Love in particular seemed to open a dimensional rift that led us into a 1980’s set in an alternate universe.

However, if you thought those two albums indebted too much to film scores — and consequently had too many drawn out ambient pieces — After Dark 2 is for you. As on After Dark (1), once again, label head Johnny Jewel (whose name still never falters to make me sprout with joy) produces and/or performs as a band member in the majority of these tracks — and once again again, the disk is led my the labels two most prominent acts, Chromatics and Glass Candy, who together make up 1/2 of the over hour and 15 minute running time. There are also a host of radiant “newcomers”, such as Appaloosa, Mirage, and Farah, who do in fact happen to steal the spotlight every once in a while — Appaloosa’s “Intimate” being my personal favorite.

It all feels remarkably well put together for a compilation, as there are instrumental excursions, four on the floor bangers — as well as minimal atmospheric pieces compared to more heady, maximalist ones. Even so, all the tracks contain a similarly fueled icy design, so there are no huge surprises or non-sequitors (except for perhaps the quite satanic sounding “Into Eternity”). This is possibly the best part about After Dark 2: when you put in on, you are immediately taken away, and you’ll know where you are until you choose to turn it off. Although this music at its heart may be most intended for night driving, it has the ability to change the form of any environment you might be in (subways, walks in the park, your living room…).

The coolness that is inherent to the album’s design gives it a lot of soul, but as on previous releases the music is somewhat devoid of emotion. Even when the vocalists are pouring their hearts out and reciting their vows, they still seem inhuman and robotic when we think of them as actual people. Although this may sound like a negative to some, the lack of humanity plays along with how remarkably stylish and mysterious the music is.

When I listen to this compilation I’m reminded of the essentials to dance music — like how a simple well placed bass drum can bring tremendous light to a melody, or how the seemingly endless repetition of a synth pattern can become our best friend when the atmosphere is just right. Even with the vintage synths and ancient machinery at work here, as a piece, After Dark 2 feels eternal. It’s almost too corny to say, but these Italians still, still, do it better.

Track Listing:

1.) Warm In The Winter*

2.) Tears From Heaven

3.) Let’s Kiss*

4.) Fill the Blanks

5.) Looking For Love*

6.) Heart of Darkness

7.) Camera

8.) Half Lives

9.) The Possessed*

10.) Cherry*

11.) Beautiful Object

12.) Into Eternity

13.) Intimate*

14.) The Magician

15.) Redheads Feel More Pain

Album Highlight – *

2013 MTV Video Music Award Noms- The List is out…

by Ryan Shea

The Video Music Awards are the one award show I look forward to every year because beyond anything it tends to be pretty freaking awesome. It ranks as one of the most social events of the year and has birthed and revamped many careers over the past three decades. Now in it’s 30th year (crazy), the VMA’s are set to take place back where it all started- New York. It will be broadcasted live on August 25 at the brand new Barclay Center right in the heart of Brooklyn. Heck, even the classic Moonman got a great redesign for only this year. Truth be told, this will be another one for the record books. How can I tell? All the great people are nominated this year. Let’s break down each category.

Video of the Year-

The ultimate, the biggest award of the night has got to be “Video of the Year”. In recent years, R&B Divas like Beyonce (Single Ladies) and Rihanna (Umbrella, We Found Love) have taken the trophies yet over it’s 30 year history has seen this award go to a bevy of legends such as Madonna (Ray of Light) and Eminem (Without Me) just to name a few. This year three R&B crooners, a hip-hop legend in the making and one of the biggest female stars on the planet all under one category. Robin Thicke has his first set of nominations this year with his number one chart topping “Blurred Lines” featuring Pharrell Williams and T.I. That song has been voted by several publications as the song of the summer, and boy has it been good to him. Justin Timberlake returns to the VMA pool with the second single off his album The 20/20 Experience with “Mirrors”. He has been in this category twice before for “What Goes Around… Comes Around” and “Cry Me A River”. Country-turned-Pop diva Taylor Swift has her first Video of the Year nod with the second single off her album “Red” called “I Knew You Were Trouble”. Rounding out this category is R&B hit maker Bruno Mars “Locked Outta Heaven” and who I think will and should be the winner, Macklemore &Ryan Lewis’ “Thrift Shop” which currently sits as the biggest selling song of 2013. It’s also a rad video. Yup.

Best Hip-Hop Video-

This category has been around since 1999 (it changed from Best Rap Video) and has been won by quite the bevy of artists such as Beastie Boys, Jennifer Lopez and Missy Elliott. The nominees this year scream out for the fresh new faces that are taking over the industry and keeping it hot and hopeful for the years to come. Macklemore & Ryan Lewis, who are up for 6 this year, come in again in this category with “Thrift Shop” but they have some truly stiff competition in place. Newbies in the game from Kendrick Lamar (Swimming Pools), A$AP Rocky (F***ing Problems) have their first shots at winning a moonman, and perennial favorites such as Drake (Started From The Bottom) and J. Cole (Power Trip) are looking to make their mark in this category. “Thrift Shop” will most likely win in this category as well, but there is a crowded room for anyone to come out on top.

Best Collaboration-

This award, only given out in 2007, 2010 and 2011 has been won by all the big divas in recent years such as Katy Perry (E.T. with Kanye West), Lady Gaga (Telephone with Beyonce) and Beyonce and Shakira (Beautiful Liar). The divaness in this one is not on the mainstage, as the five nominees couldn’t be different from each other. Robin Thicke shows up again in this category with the saucy “Blurred Lines”. Hot dance tracks such as Pitbull & Christina Aguilera’s “Feel This Moment” and Calvin Harris & Ellie Goulding’s “I Need Your Love” populate the crowd as well. The two that I see truly going neck to neck on this is Justin Timberlake & Jay-Z’s “Suit & Tie” and chart-topping “Just Give Me A Reason” by Pink and Nate Truess.

Check out the full list on MTV.com. Who is your pick to win? Be sure to watch the MTV Video Music Awards live on August 25th and see if your favorite wins!

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