relationships

22 Minutes to Oz

After a string of dates we had sex. It was inevitable. Unfortunately, it occurred between my laundry and his laundry list. We made plans to go all the way after a candlelit dinner, instead we settled for a candle and air conditioning–our version of a candle in the wind. He arrived at my place 30 minutes late in his father’s truck. He wore black shorts and a uniform top. After three minutes he attempted to get me in bed.

Bobbie: “You want me to pull it out.”
Me: “Sure, if you want to.”

My friend Sean told me about a guy he dated for a month. They captured their first sexual experience in the AM. “It was so horrible and uncomfortable,” he said. “I think I’m going to have to break up with him.” I was neither surprised nor did I need to supervise to see the results. Sex during rush hour is like the morning commute: exhausting, awkward and to be avoided at all costs.

Morning sex should be reserved for the married, or couples who have been dating for a while. To ensure you both get off quickly, to shower, have breakfast and leave for work on time–you need a choreograph routine. However, it doesn’t always garner the best sexual experience but with practice and precision it can be pleasurable.

Bobbie craved sex just after sunset. However, to be succinct we were not in sync. His performance only pleased himself. I had a glass of wine handy to enhance the experience. He channeled Adebisi from Oz through role-play. “I’m going to fuck you like Adebisi,” he said.

I’m sure Adebisi was as endowed as the Empire State Building. I would have loved to have soared to the cusp of the stratosphere. Yet with Bobbie, I liking it to humping on him in the deep hallows of a city dump. Neither wine nor Rush could wash away the waste that plague our status quo. Not even the wizard himself could lead us to Oz. He escaped as soon as he released himself.

Bobbie: “I have to go and give my dad back his car. Next time it will be better.”
Me: “Good night.”

As he left, I realized he was a fraud just like the wizard himself: an embodiment of broken promises and unfulfilled dreams. He lied to get what he wanted from me. I closed the door and locked it tight. I haven’t seen him since.

SEX ED: Increasing Volume of Ejaculation with Orgasm….Is It Possible???

by Edward S. Goldberg, MD

Dear Sex Ed, I am a 34 year old, heterosexual male in a relationship with my girlfriend for 2 1/2 years. I’ve noticed lately that when I cum, hardly anything comes out anymore. Is there anything i can do about this?

Thanks, Drying Up in NYC.

Dear Drying Up,

Volume of ejaculate can be affected by various circumstances related to you or to the situation. Situational variables include how turned on you are by your partner, the “newness” of the encounter, or how much time is spent being aroused before orgasm. Volume and “vigor” of ejaculation can be affected by poor prostate health such as prostatitis, an inflammation of the gland which can be either very painful or asymptomatic. Testosterone levels have a big effect on the nature and sensation of orgasm in men and can be treated with prescription testosterone supplementation. Frequency of orgasms can also have an effect; the ideal interval between ejaculations to maximize sperm production is 3-5 days but waiting longer doesn’t necessarily mean more production and there can even be diminishing returns by waiting too long. Ejaculation can be significantly affected by drugs (prescription and recreational) and alcohol. Prescription medications that are associated with a negative effect on sex function include (but are not limited to) SSRIs (like Prozac, Zoloft, Lexapro, and others), opiate pain medications (Vicodin or Percocet), anti-histamines and decongestants (Benadryl, Sudafed), and Propecia. Recreational use of marijuana, alcohol, cocaine, or pretty much anything else can often have an effect in a bad way on both erections and orgasms. Sometimes medications like Cialis or Viagra can be of use by allowing a longer period of foreplay without fear of losing an erection.

If there is any concern about prostate health, negative effect of prescription medications, or to pursue the use of prescription medications, a visit with an internist or a urologist would be advised. Men often learn about sex through pornography and it is important to remember that actors in adult entertainment are not typically “average” when it comes to sexual function, so it’s a good idea not to compare yourself to what you see in the movies. The bottom line is that in order to maximize your semen volume you need to take your time during foreplay, consider changing things up with your partner to “spice it up” a bit, and take a break for a day or three between orgasms.

QUESTIONS ABOUT RELATIONSHIPS, SEX, OR JUST ABOUT ANYTHING ELSE CAN BE SUBMITTED TO SEX ED BELOW, OR VIA EMAIL TO [email protected]

Totally Tyler and my totally awesome interview. Totally.

by Ryan Shea

I have known the wonderful author and blogger that goes by the name of “Totally Tyler” for quite a bit now. We have shared our funny tweets via Twitter about our love for bacon and chocolate (that can be left open to interpretation) and many other facets of our lives. Yesterday, I had the opportunity to sit down and meet him to discuss the launch of his second book “Boys, Booze and Booty Calls: The Continued Tales of Totally Tyler”. Even in my mimosa haze (don’t judge, they were freaking delicious), I got to know him on a much deeper level and truly experienced what a phenomenal author and man he truly is.

How did you go about writing this second book?

Well this second book is really a continuation of the first one, which was based off of blogs that I had written. When I was writing the blogs, it was just a thing. I had never really put too much thought into where it would go. One day I was approached by a publishing company that wanted to make a book out of my posts, but the way I wanted to do it was to write them from the beginning. So the first book is from 2005, then second one is from 2006, so technically speaking I already have seven books done just from the blog posts I have.

You write a lot in this second book about your insecurities in a gay relationship. Do you think a middle aged straight woman could pick up this book and relate to what you are going through?

Maybe not directly to each situation, but I think insecurities are prevalent in any relationship. Doubting yourself, doubting the faith you have in that other person- that’s part of a relationship. It’s taking the risk.

Do you think farting is good in a relationship (there is a chapter in this book. Freaking hilarious).

No! Kidding. I think it is a sign of comfortability and being who you are in front of your partner.

Most of this book is based from your experience in Georgia. You have lived both there and here in New York City, do you see there being stark differences between the two?

Definitely. Interacial dating is very difficult in the south, that is for one. Up here, if you are making out with a gay guy in a bar he always has one eye focused on you and one eye open to see if there is anything better he can have. Atlanta tends to be a lot more laid back whereas everything here in New York City is a lot more fast paced. Guys meet each other everywhere here from the bars to the gym, that isn’t really prevalent down there. I like both of course, but there are definitely differences in the two.

You write a lot about Madonna. Even one chapter is riddled with songs that describe what the actual chapter is about, which is very cleverly done. Why is she your idol?

She is in every book actually, yet becomes more and more prevalent in each one. She is my idol because with every album she has released, and the message that goes along with it, has directly correlated with events that are going on in my life at the moment. I was raised Mormon, and was debating with my religion for quite sometime when “Like A Prayer” was released. When her album “Erotica” came out is actually when I came out. That album has had a direct response with what was going on in my life at that time.

What are your hopes for the future with this book and ultimately your life?

For this book I would love for it to be a bestseller and make a lot of money of course. Life wise, I would love to fall in love with a handsome man and really just have happiness and success like everyone else wants.

The book in itself is written from a gay man’s perspective, yet it touches on several different aspects of people’s lives that can be relatable if you aren’t in fact gay. Whether it is going through the weeks and months of being unemployed, insecurities, doubts in relationships, to ultimately realizing your goals, there really is something for everyone. Everyone should go out and get a copy!

If you want to get a copy, pick up one here!

Book Cover — Credit to: www.twitter.com/@totally_tyler

: Credit to: www.twitter.com/totallytyler

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