gay

HBO’s Looking- Predictable and Pretentious… as Promised.

Looking, HBO, Manhattan, Manhattan Digest — Credit to: SF Weekly

Looking for… Substance?

HBO’s highly anticipated and publicized show “Looking” premiered last night as the latter part of the comedy hour they are now sharing with “Girls”. There has been a ton of hooplah surrounding “Looking” even before it started, as social media exploded with its accusations of the cast alone looking very one note without much diversity (something that I agree with). Also, to some annoyance, it has been touted by websites such as Buzzfeed as “The Next Great Gay Show” which is a bit premature as I’m sure they only got a screener of the first episode and can only judge so much from that. Seeing as there isn’t much gay shows on TV where we aren’t supporting characters but much more an entire cast, I severely looked forward to dissecting this show to it’s fullest content.

Then I watched it, and my primetime erection went down faster than Chris Christie’s political dreams. This happened for so many reasons honestly, but there is a smidgen of hope I feel for this show as a whole. That hope is Jonathan Groff, who many people know as being Rachel’s love interest on the former hit now please cancel it before I shoot myself “Glee”. He plays Patrick, the lead of the show who starts at the beginning attempting to get fellatio in a park from a rather hot bearish type guy. This was the high point in the show as he nervously answers his phone in the midst of it as he thought it was his “Mother”. Cute.

Here is my problem with his character- the problems he encounters throughout the episode would be cute if he was in the 21-24 age range, but I feel if you are an out and proud gay man at 29- these things shouldn’t be happening to you still. The BJ thing maybe, but the awkward date, the “6 month relationship” and so on and so forth. I just think his character lacks maturity that is made up for in his cuteness and impressionable behavior which is lose it’s gum flavoring very fast if things don’t pick up.

Murray Bartlett, who most gays know as the shoe maven who stole Carrie away from her wing eating time with Aiden on “Sex & The City” plays Som, a pushing 40 waiter who whines and bitches that a twinky 20 something rejected him mainly because of his age. At the end of the show he tries to get redemption on said twink by going to the bar with Patrick to make himself feel better about the rejection. So boring, no depth and if there is one character that should be a one off it’s him.

Lastly the one diverse character we have in this show is Agustin, played by Frankie J. Alvarez, who is Patrick’s roommate. He is in a relationship with Frank, played by OT Fagbenie. They run into the ever so present problem of having an open relationship which seems to be a big topic of debate in the gay community and end the episode not necessarily wanting the same thing. Should be interesting to see how it plays out.

Overall I would give the first episode 3 out of 10. Sorry if it’s harsh, but “Looking” is “Queer As Folk” for the iPhone digital world. The semi digs at bears or guys that don’t fit the size 29 stereotype, the severe lack of diversity ESPECIALLY in a place like San Francisco, and the dialogue which no one really says (“Are You Drug and Disease Free”, on a first date) lead this show to be just like the rest. I am not saying I need to watch this show to find a guy exactly like me, however this show has been done before. So until I see some changes and maturity in the upcoming episodes, my thought process is this.

Why Are We So Mean To Bottoms?

by David Baxter

Not too long after I post or you share this, I’m willing to bet you will get at least two kinds of responses. Number one is going to be a few people coming out to loudly proclaim that they are the mythical total top unicorn (bonus points for anyone who then starts joking, but not really, flirting with said person), and number two will be people loudly denouncing the heteronormative binary hegemony of top vs bottom.

Dating In The Gay World: Extinct… or Evolving?

by Ryan Shea

Manhattan Digest, gay, gay dating, Manhattan — Credit to: Blogspot

Is the “Meet Up” the new Dating?

As we enter into a new calendar year and fresh hopes for what is to come in each of our lives, something that seems to be a constant “Resolution” that many single people, both gay and straight, make is the thrill of dating someone and falling in love. In today’s day and age of how technology rules the world, it seems to be that getting to that point of said love is much different than when our parents were growing up. Back then, the norm seemed to be you meet someone at a bar or a mutual friend’s party, get set up on a blind date, and so on and so forth. These types of situations don’t seem to happen as often as they used to. Just last night, I was at my friend New Year’s Eve party and I met a really great gay couple who explained that they met on Grindr, and had difficulty telling their boss because even though the boss was gay it isn’t exactly something that you want known that you met someone on something that most consider to be a hook up site. But the thought does prevail, is online apps like Grindr, Scruff and Growlr the new way to meet a significant other in the gay world, or are there some people out there that still believe in the traditionalist ways of hunting for a mate where you go on an actual date with them and see where it goes? Let’s examine this for a second.

I myself, have been in both situations where I have asked a guy out online and in person. The problem I have with online stuff is that I tend to cut to the point after talking with someone for a couple of hours on there, because quite frankly you can have all this great conversation and it never leads to anything. Usually I will say, “So, when can we go on a date?”. I have had men quite shocked when I ask that, and when I ask why they usually say that they haven’t been asked on a date in so long. Same thing if it was in person at a gay bar or party. So what gives? This is where I went all Carrie Bradshaw and turned to my friends for advice. The responses that I got were quite interesting and diverse when it comes to dating in the modern world, and spoke true in regards to how each person sees this ever present aspect of our lives in our 20’s and beyond.

Many of the responses that I got came from this- We hang out first, and then see what happens. “I think people date when things are more concrete. Personally, I’m the type to say “let’s hang out” rather than “let’s go on a date”. It’s usually less pressure on both parties and when things progress then then a more formal “date” happens”, said one friend. Another one echoed something similar. “It seems guys are more interested in meeting up first, something casual like grabbing a beer. There after if a connection is made then a date seems to happen.”.

Question with both of these responses is, would we think the same way if technology didn’t get in the way? We live in a world today where we can pretty much custom order a date or a boyfriend due to these apps, and ignore the creeps and guys you aren’t interested in by simply not responding or even blocking them if need be. Would we have the same reaction as above if it was more traditional as it was 10 or 15 years ago? Or is it simply a defense mechanism that we place on ourselves in case the guy with the really hot photo and seemingly interesting online persona turns out to be something completely different and that way makes it easier to divulge how you want to move forward with this person?

Then there are friends who say that technology has really screwed up the whole dating concept in general. “I think technology dilutes the entire dating process…it speeds it up dramatically. Long gone are the days of courting someone; most guys in our community have a plethora of options for “dates” and therein lies the problem–make something so easily attainable and it loses its allure,” says one friend. Another one had something similar in mind- “I think with texting and Facebook and Internet in general, a lot of the interactions we used to do early in dating we did face to face, we now do via technology. Dating as we knew it 20 years ago is over.” Check out this article which talks about younger guys talking about online dating as a reference to all of this.

So where do we find a comfortable line in the dating world when it comes to how we approach someone? Is it taboo all of a sudden to simply ask someone on a date, or has the ever popular “meet up and see what happens” take over and be the way of the future? Is dating extinct… or is evolving?

What do YOU think?

Why Gay Men Love To Hate Muscle Bears (And Hate To Love)

by Ryan Shea

Why Can’t We All Just Get Along (Muscle Included)?

Many of the articles that I write really come from a variety of experiences. Most of the times they are a combination of my own experiences mixed with others to culminate in what I take out of it all and put it in the best way possible so that it sparks a healthy debate between everyone else. Funny thing is with this one, it never really crossed my mind until a recent Facebook post. A good (and very smart) friend of mine put this post up regarding how the bear community views the muscle portion of it and ultimately how it really ultimately reflects on how you yourself are as a person-

“What’s so tragic is watching guys who should have loads of self-respect lost in this self-defeating exercise of defining these “muscle bears” as physically superior and themselves as losers in the same scene, and then blaming these guys they really don’t even know for their mental and spiritual discomfort. There’s a betrayal of something that has always been an awesome option for self-defining as bear, which is to know you’re as hot as you feel you are and not to give a fuck what anyone else might think. It’s the people standing in groups, bitterly dishing the guys they are attracted to who they assume aren’t into them who ruin the atmosphere at bear events, not the guys they point and sneer at.”

This wound up sparking a very long threaded debate on how men, not only in the bear community but in the gay community as a whole, view muscle guys. It really boils down to this- haters are really just haters. Let’s break this situation down, because I have done this somewhat and I know I am not the only one who has been in this corner of somewhat “hate-dom”. This is a random scenario here-

I am at a popular gay bar with a couple of my friends. All of a sudden, a group of muscle bears (or guys, whatever) walk in in an upbeat and happy mode, order drinks and stand around with the impression that they are having a great time. This will then trigger something in my head to think that even if they are having a great time and are laughing and dancing and whatnot, they are still a bunch of royal douchebags. Why? Because in a lot of guys minds, they are insanely insecure when they are around men like that. This is for so many different reasons.

1. They compare body types and feel as if they need to look like them in order to get that attention.

2. Snarl all they want, these guys want the muscle dudes to be attracted to them and if they go in with a defeated or cunty attitude about it, it just worsens the whole process.

3. This will then lead to them having minor chit chat with their other friends about said douchebags, who most of the time are just trying to enjoy themselves and not get into a weird process of guys glaring at them for no reason.

4. Bottom line, its freaking insecurity.

This can also cause a chain reaction of sorts in which I have written about so many freaking times before- separation. Division. Something that the gay community seems to fight against and want so badly to have some sort of unification yet these types of issues are working against that thought. Why do we do this to ourselves? Many times I have been at these bars and have found a swarm of guys who come from all backgrounds of life, be it size, race, finance and so forth all standing around and talking to each other and having a good time. Then again, I have also seen situations where its the Asians in one corner, the black guys playing pool, the white bears all huddled up like they are playing a game of football and the muscle guys who stick with each other for whatever reason need be. In these types of situations, everyone stands shoulder to shoulder but no one engages and keeps to themselves.

But there has to be a reason for this happening, and in my opinion it really can stem from growing up and choosing who you want to hang with on the playground, only this time around there is a lot more body hair and drinks that don’t come in a sippy cup. We might think the other group is weird or we aren’t attracted to them or the new expression of “Aint nobody got time for that”. Time for what? Unless someone provokes you or gives you a reason to not like them, why the hatred? What the hating? Why glare at someone who seems to be having a great night just because you are the one that’s angry? Then again, why be angry? Because in this situation you bring the misery on yourself as a form of self-deprication. I am guilty of it, and many others are. It stops us from really opening our eyes and enjoying what is really great about this community, especially ones who want to go to the big “bear” events and enjoy themselves wholeheartedly and not get mad if a particular group seems to be having a great time and not focusing on you. Really at the end of the day you gotta love yourself before you love anyone else. Am I quoting RuPaul here? Sure. But that line makes fucking perfect sense.

So let’s have this be a lesson to everyone- go out, enjoy YOURSELF, enjoy YOUR TIME, and not focus on the muscle guy in the corner and what they are doing. Better yet? Go up and introduce yourself. You never know what can happen and the positive effect it can have on your life. Cheers, y’all.

PORN STAR – Taking C*ck up my @ss! (Bottoms Up!)

by Charlie Harding

Yes folks, Twitter don’t lie, I HAVE FILMED MY FIRST SCENE AS A BOTTOM! Men.com asked me to be their TOP to BOTTOM for the fifth installment in the series entitled “TOP to BOTTOM 5: Daddy’s Turn!” (and rewarded me handsomely for it I might add!). I have to say I had a great time shooting it, and hope you all enjoy seeing it when it debuts on Men.com November 22^nd. By the way, the preview is up on the site now… So here’s some fun trivia and behind the scenes moments from the day of filming!

We filmed the scene in Atlanta in my actual condo. My partner Scotty Rage (@scottyragexxx) and I bought a loft about a year ago, and celebrated that anniversary by opening the unit up the men.com production crew! We shot the entire scene in our living room on the leather couch that has been in my family for almost 30 years! And Yes that is also our 6’ by 6’shower stall in the scene… it has two shower heads and a tub in the enclosure and can hold about 8 big muscle guys… (dirty smirk)

Scotty Rage plays my partner in the scene (LOL big acting stretch there, huh!). Scotty and I open the scene together and set the tone and premise that leads to my bottoming for Colby Jansen. Colby and I have been friends for a long time, and really enjoy getting to work together. He and Scotty also have hit it off well, so the day was a reunion of sorts and more like a bunch of friends hanging out (and fucking), which made for a super fun time.

Colby Jansen and Charlie Harding — photo by men.com

Scotty also took on the role of Craft Services for the shoot. Given that we are all friends (the production crew included), Scotty went out and bought fried chicken, potato salad, wrap sandwiches and sodas for everyone before they arrived. Needless to say we appreciated the food and drink and it made the entire day like a big picnic!

During the shoot, our two dogs got out and ran away! That’s right, our two dogs somehow made it out the back door, through the fence around our patio and took off down the road. Scotty, after filming his portion of the scene, discovered the jail breakers had run, and spent the next two hours driving around the neighborhood looking for them. Don’t worry folks, he found them safe and sound…2 miles away from our condo!

This was the first time Scotty had ever seen me perform on set. While Scotty has gone on multiple trips with me when I was shooting, and been to many of the studios, he had never actually been there live while I was filming. At one point while Colby is inside me, plowing away, I glanced over and there’s Scotty just off set in the bedroom doorway rubbing his… well, needless to say I think the scene turned him on!

Thoughts Of An Insecure Gay Man

by Ryan Shea

It has been brought to my attention by friends of mine (amongst other people) that a lot of my articles tend to focus on the negative aspects of the bear and gay communities and never the ones that are positive. My original goal when I started this website was to distance myself from my music blogging (which I did for four years) and start writing about the gay community and the ever present issues that seem to surround it. In doing so, I found myself in a tug of war of not choosing sides yet wanting to get my honest opinion out there. I was also defending myself to a point where people I knew started to think that I only listened to my own opinions and never anyone else’s. Throughout a year of writing about the gay community and the tons of comments that I have gotten from my write ups, albeit good or bad, there is a conclusion that I have come to in all of this-

I am insecure in how I view myself in this community, my writing, and ultimately myself. It has just taken a very long time for me to finally realize it until the repetitive comments that people were telling me finally smacked me in the face. A lot of what I write is based off of my own experience in this community over the past ten years or so and a lot of my insecurities tend to show up in my writing. I think what the ultimate issue that I am trying to figure out is how to turn it around, how to not let a lot of what I think people are saying or thinking about me affect me to the point where I am putting it into writing and not necessarily hearing an opposing viewpoint because I am so hell bent on being right? That’s when another a-ha moment came into play- a lot of those insecurities are just that. Nothing more, and nothing less.

I think when someone comes into the gay community, they come in with a shit ton of expectations about things. Generally, they are let down because they set the bar so high in how they view them that often times they can come away from any experience disappointed or feeling like there is lacking. Therefore, they turn that disappointment onto themselves and wonder, “Why am I not fitting in?”, “Why don’t I feel good looking enough?”, “Am I too fat for that guy?” It really becomes a vicious cycle that we do to ourselves as adults, and it can lead to bad traits that the gay community has come to experience such as mean cliques, bullying, self hatred of course and not feeling like a community is well, a community.

I have found myself hard to be around groups of gay men even at my own age, because I fear judgement. I fear it in the worst way possible because I go into every situation wanting everyone in the room to like me. It is sort of like the adult version of high school. When you go to that particular party or gay bar, and you are solo in doing so, a lot of these thoughts tend to go into your mind. As social as I can be sometimes I tend to go overboard just to reassure myself that the person or persons that I am talking to go away with thinking that I am a funny, nice or cool guy. There has even been situations where being overly social can be viewed as slutty, which is a wrong interpretation on things. A lot of guys draw a very fine line between being Most Talkative and Mr. Wallflower very well. Same goes with dating. I find myself putting so much effort into the other guy, when I have been told by several different friends and family members that it’s best to just be yourself and let them come to you. But at the same time, when you hit the age of 25 and every freaking time you go on Facebook and at the top of your news feed is someone announcing that they are getting married, engaged, having a kid or buying a freaking house that “clock” that is so widely known kicks in and you want to pull out all the stops to be like them. The “Jones’ to a certain degree. When you also see a ton of your friends getting into relationships, there is a part of you that is of course happy for them but envies them as you want the same thing. I know I can’t be the only one that thinks this way.

Maybe it’s from being in a big city that I feel this way. I found that when I was in smaller communities guys tended to be friendlier and more wanting to get to know you. At the same time, being in New York City has been really amazing in terms of meeting people that right now are my best friends and would do anything for me and vice versa. There really are some amazing guys that are out there that are genuine and good, you just sometimes have to weed through the bad ones in order to get to the good ones. A lot of guys I know stopped trying because they got tired of the scene and didn’t really feel like putting in the effort anymore, but for me I like a good challenge and due to that have the friendships that I do. Am I still insecure throughout it all? Sure. But at the same time I can live with these insecurities and try to better myself in this process we call life and still find a way to make the gay community great in finding your own niche in things. Things always don’t have to be so negative or bad, and that is something that I am learning throughout this whole process.

If I Lose Weight Do I Lose The Bears As Well?

by Ryan Shea

I can honestly say that weight, just like aging and the ever presence of The Kartrashians (spelled correctly folks) is an ever present issue in someone’s life. When it comes to dealing with weight in the bear community, it takes on a whole new world of self-criticizing, self-loathing, comparisons to other guys and so on and so forth. Yes of course this can be translatable to any community, any age, any arena. For me as a gay man, it has been a constant struggle to keep up with.

I never saw myself as being obese. I was lucky enough to grow up in an area that accepted me for the most part for being gay. I think because I had such a big personality growing up that people were drawn to me and didn’t see me as the “gay” kid or the “fat” kid they really just saw me as Ryan. At the same time, I knew subconsciously that I was fat. I quit football after my freshman year due to my insecurity in being gay and on such a masculine and homophobic (to a certain degree) sport. That was when the weight problems came on due to not being apart of any sports team and due to my struggle with being a homosexual.

To make matters worse for myself, I was in an area with little to no gay men or women so my references were little except if I would watch Will & Grace or something gay themed on a cable channel. So I struggled with finding my identity which led to overeating. When I was 18 and went away to school in Providence, Rhode Island was where I truly was able to begin the process of finding myself as a gay man seeing as there were multiple outlets around me for that self discovery. At the same time, I really didn’t focus on my weight and mainly focused on determining factors like who am I in this community, what kind of guys am I into, etc etc. Down the line though is where I started to realize that I fit into the bear community due to the “stereotypical” aspects of being a bear like more weight and body hair.

By the time I was 21 or 22 I was tipping the scale at 270. Yes, 270. And I had no fucking idea that it was getting that bad. Even my first real relationship with a guy I later on came to find that he wanted me to be a “gainer”. Look it up, it’s odd but there is no judgement there. There were so many types of guys that I would try to talk to online and many of them rejected me or didn’t message me back. The only types of guys that seemed to be into me were other heavyset dudes and “Chasers” which are defined as smaller guys who happen to like a big dude. Problem for me was these two types are ones that I wasn’t into. I was into the Scott Caan’s and the Chris Pratt’s but at the same time I could go for Chris Meloni’s and LL Cool J’s. I really just wanted the type of guy who took care of himself but at the same time could eat and not bitch about the calories. You know, huskular.

248235_867261384495_2977035_n — Progress.

By the time I was 24 was when I finally figured it out and started the process or “journey” of losing weight. I lost roughly 55 pounds in a matter of a year and people really started to notice. What was even better was the guys that would usually not talk to me online were actually reaching out to me not vice versa. It really made me excited and happy because I felt some ubiquity in that I could finally attract a different aesthetic which is what I have been wanting ever since I was fourteen or fifteen. In the past three years I have yo-yo’d back and forth gaining and losing 15 pounds but never really dealing with an extreme on either end.

Now I am at a place where I want to take it to the next step and get down to roughly 170-180, which would put me at a smaller frame. The problem for me is that i don’t want to feel that I am rejected again by a certain portion of the community because I am not technically a “bear’ anymore and even though it might sound self absorbed but I enjoy that I attract a decent portion of it. If I get a six pack or get skinny, what happens? Where do I go from there? I find it very frustrating to deal with because health should really be a top priority but when it comes to finding a date, mate or sex even, you want it to be a mutual attraction and not a fetish, which seems to populate a lot of this community as well. Ultimately I just want to figure out a way where I can blur the lines so that I am not labeled and can adapt to any sub-community that is out there.

I put this on my Facebook and got a great amount of responses, many of them saying for me to focus on myself and not on what other people think. One friend said- “Honestly, I don’t think that should figure into what you decide to do. If they view you differently, so be it, but don’t make that your problem. Besides, your friends should treat you the same way no matter what.”. Similarly I got a response like “You gotta do you. at the end of the day, other people are not responsible for your health, paying your bills, or paying your damn rent. Be yourself and people will like you for who you are, the people that leave are what you leave in the toilet; basically just floaters.”

On the contrary I had a couple of friends say its not that easy, where friends have said this situation rings true for them as well. One summed it up the best though for this (Mainly because they use a “Drag Race” reference and that always gets me going)- “I don’t know what, if anything, the bear community feels as a whole, but why should that matter? If you want to lose weight, for whatever reason, you should do it, regardless of what a demographic has to say about it. Whoever doesn’t like it can bite the wienie. As they say on RuPaul’s Drag Race, you just do YOU. Whatever makes you happy, man.”

What is your take on this?

Scruff, Grindr, Growlr- The Best Messages. Ever.

by Ryan Shea

So this article is certainly not a diss to any of these three apps- I think they are all great in their own way and whether you are looking to make friends, a relationship or a hot one night stand I would recommend choosing one, two or all three in most cases. But let’s keep it real here- there are some bat shit cray cray people on those sites. And since I have been on them for the past couple of years, I myself have gotten some pretty award winning messages that would hopefully make you ROTFLOL (not that I expect you to fall out of your chair and do this, but it would be nice). That being said- here are the best of the best, the crem de la crem, of my gay app world 2.0.

I prefer a pocketbook personally.

Fat girl night.

Fuck Christina.

I’m Martha Fucking Stewart.

Seriously if you work here chances are you are going to get to at least 2nd base. Just bring me home something.

SOMEBODY STOP ME!

Salmon.

HEHEHEHEHE NAY!

Seriously.

So to recap here I look like a huggable Justin Timberlake who has stature. Sure.

Someone google what a Naked Chairmat is so I know what i am.

What are some of the best ones you’ve gotten? Hope this all made you laugh a little and not take these apps too seriously as these guys haven’t anyways.

Cory Monteith’s death- Gay men, pay attention.

by Ryan Shea

On July 13^th millions of Glee fans and people alike were stunned and saddened by the loss of actor Cory Monteith, who played Finn Hudson on the popular television series. What makes this more heartbreaking is not only that he died at the young age of 31 but how he actually passed. The autopsy report states that he passed away from a mixed drug toxicity consisting of heroin and alcohol. It was documented that he recently completed a rehab stay between the end of March and mid-April, only the second time in his life that he sought treatment for this matter.

There is a depth to this story that transcends Cory and so many other issues surrounding his death- one in particular being the rapid drug trend that is sweeping the gay community. We see so many ads online promoting PNP (Party N Play) in which gay men hook up with the intention of getting high in the process of. This is a dangerous and toxic element that is only hurting people and not helping them, which is why gay men should really view Cory’s death as a huge wakeup call.

“It is all too common for men in the gay community to experiment with drugs, often at an early age,” says Dr. Edward S Goldberg, MD, who has served the gay community in New York City for the past twenty years. “The most popular drugs these days seem to be crystal meth, GHB, X, and cocaine. Heroin made a comeback a few years back as an inexpensive way to “check-Out” emotionally while getting a euphoric buzz. The way I see it, the biggest problems are crystal meth and heroin due to their nearly-instantaneous addictive potential. I’ve seen success in sobriety with both substances but I’ve seen it not end well far more often than the success I speak of.”

It was never a big story in the media regarding Cory’s drug and alcohol use, mainly because he wasn’t like other celebrities whose chronicles were well-documented by the paparazzi or their recent stint on “Celebrity Rehab”. At times people keep their addiction hidden for whatever reasons need be. In millions of people’s eyes, Cory was a role model. He was under pressure to keep an image in tact that is relatable to the show. People who are under the addiction of drugs may feel the same way, but get so deep into it that it becomes a double life situation that they can’t see their way out of.

“It’s very frustrating when you see someone allow their demons and addictions to take control of their lives”, retired adult film star and gay personality Charlie Harding states. “He allowed his desires and wants for a high to outweigh his self-preservation instinct, his will power and ultimately his common sense”. For the gay men who are dealing with similar problem’s that Cory dealt with, use this as a way to get help and get out of the haze you are presently in. Don’t make a temporary problem a permanent issue.

Don’t Let the Sun Go Down on the City.

by Walter Reed

I am not a transsexual! There is nothing wrong with transitioning your spare parts. Nor is there any wrongdoing in using them on married men from New Jersey at the pier. However, it’s not my thing. I just like the clothes. On a Friday night after a couple of cocktails and sample sales, someone handed me a flyer stating:

Transexual wanted! A reality show producer seeks a transvestite, transgender or transexual person. $500+ a day….

What?! At $500 a day I could be! Where am I going to find some breasts? Perhaps, I could find someone who knows someone at the pier. Wait…let’s be clear, I am nobody’s tranny.

We live in an environment where dressing like our straight male counterparts is ideal. I meet so many of these cookie-cutter macho men dressed in wife-beaters and Timbs. They are closeted queens, getting poked by trannies in the alleys behind bars all over the city.

I choose not the suffocating anesthetic of street wear, but the electric jolt of designer skirts and dresses. Men’s fashion hasn’t changed much in the past 50 years. While menswear designers and consumers are content with those complacent concoctions, masquerading as fashion, I prefer to blend my genders to create new gender-bending silhouette: a juxtaposition of soft and hard.

Living in the city that never sleeps, you’ll find that the way we dress is not as gay as you think. In terms of what we wear, it’s a lot more closeted. Take our gay-borhoods or gay bars, you’ll find most gays dressed in t-shirts, jeans and fitted caps. No skirts, dresses or even short-shorts in 100-degree weather. When did we take the homo out of homosexual, and made it a homogenous decree for fellow gays to live by?

In the height of the sexual seventies before the age of AIDS; the city was swept with so many gays, parties and party favors. Although sex is usually on the table, in the bathroom, or in the doorway. A time when gays were so out it was in again. Now we have Splash closing and countless others before it, gay bashings and fake drugs. It was like the city’s insanity was wiped away with a giant sanitation napkin. Are we too afraid of the big disease that nearly destroyed the city three decades ago?

Before Paris was burning in underground clubs all over the city; it was on fire on the streets of Manhattan. Tales of sex, drugs and discotheques is like an urban legend compared with the status quo. Who gave New York City a Xanax?

The rise of Time Square and the fall of the twin towers put a damper on the edge of the city. The ho-stroll is filled with broke homeless hoes. The bars now cards and even the oldest male clientele have to show ID. Our first gay bar in the country, Stonewall, after four decades is now a museum for single women, the lesbians who love them, and random straight men who want to have sex with them all. The after-hours is in Atlanta, and the sex shops are empty. Barney’s Co-Op shut it’s doors in Chelsea for good, leaving little viable options to shop in the gay-borhood.

Our city is in a slump. We the gay people need to put our heterosexual self on the shelf next to the porn stash and take the homosexual back out of the closet.

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