TELEVISION

Beyonce SHUT IT DOWN

Boy oh boy did Beyonce have a lot to live up to last night. After being criticized since her supposed “lip sync” at the Inauguration a couple of weeks back, she knew she had to bring it hardcore to the Super Bowl. So did she accomplish that? From my point of view and several millions of people, she freaking did.

The anticipation built as the 2nd quarter ended. Coming out in a leather, dominatrix type outfit, she blew the stage up with several of her different hits from “Baby Boy” and “Crazy In Love”. It was the only time during the entire show that I actually stood close to the television screen to get a better view as to what was going on. I was HOOKED. The best part of course was when her Destiny’s Child crew, Michelle Williams and Kelly Rowland, popped out of nowhere to do “Bootylicious” and sing on her uber-huge hit “Single Ladies”. Cue to me going ballistic. Everything about the performance in itself was electrifying, as she herself is exactly that kind of an entertainer. There was really no need for a zillion backup dancers, bands, or anything else to distract from what people really wanted to see- her.

This was an improvement by a million miles from the Black Eyed Peas two years ago, and even Madonna a year ago. It seemed to flow a lot better than both of theirs and to silence her critics, she performed the whole damn thing live. That is an arena that is very tough to do so, and she did it. Freaking phenomenal.

According to ABCNews.com, she generated 5.5 million tweets (I made about 1.2 million of those), and many joked she was the one that caused the 34 minute power outage to happen as a result of how great it was. There were also rumors of the triangle finger sign she gave to the camera. Some people thought it meant illuminati (look it up), others thought it was designed for her hubby Jay-Z, who is known to make that kind of a symbol.

People who book the performers at the Super Bowl need to remember a night like tonight. Quite frankly, since the Janet Jackson one back in 2003, and perhaps the Prince show a couple of years back, the halftime shows have been a snore fest based off of what i feel of them afraid to book younger performers. There is nothing wrong with that, and there are several artists now that are an somewhat of a level that Beyonce is on and they can carry that kind of momentum. I wouldn’t mind seeing a repeat of tonight in the years to come, but Beyonce once again proved why she is queen of the castle and will stay that way for a while.

30 Rock Goes Out With a Bang after 7 Seasons

by Michael Tyminski

Last night marked the series finale of 30 Rock after seven long seasons, and the show ended as it lived: full of rapid-fire humor, Tracy Jordan’s antics, Jack Donaghy’s classic manipulative tricks, and Liz Lemon being as neurotic and frantic as possible.

The first half of this double header finale revolved around Jack Donaghy’s quest for happiness and Liz adjusting to being a stay at home mom. Neither goes particularly well as Liz immediately starts a fight on a moms only message board (with an anonymous poster that happens to be her husband nonetheless), while Jack goes off to formulaically fill out a pie chart with various things that are “supposed” to make him happy (such as faith, hiring a guy off the street to co-anchor for today, and a threesome with Nancy Donovan and Elisa. Despite filling in his happiness pie chart entirely, after reaching a number of goals (including an angry screed by Nancy Pelosi), Jack feels more disappointed than ever and leaves the job that he worked his entire life to get. Conversely, Liz and Criss come to realization that Liz would make the better breadwinner of the couple and Liz goes off to find a new writing gig. This ultimately leads to Liz and Jack getting into the most tumultuous argument in the seven year run of the show after Liz feels betrayed by the fact that Jack made her “want more” (in terms of dreams, expectations, and generally not settling).

Tracy and Jenna on the other hand, formed the backbone of the show’s two B-plots. Jenna attempts to adjust to the show’s cancellation by throwing Jenna-style tantrums but cannot cope with the fact that absolutely no one is listening to her. As a result she tries TV (only to be forced to play roles like corpses) and movies (only to find everyone in Los Angeles is younger and prettier than her). Tracy meanwhile is upset that Kenneth is not around to do him a favor as he used to in his positions of both page (and janitor), leading to a heartwarming moment where he “releases” Kenneth from his entourage.

The second half of the show revolves around a major plot development that occurs in the first half with Liz having to put up one final show of TGS in order to fulfill a contract obligation to Tracy Jordan. However, a monkey is thrown in a wrench when Tracy runs away in order to ensure the show never happens, unknowing of a hefty penalty in his contract that would be owed to him if the show does not reach the 150 episode milestone. As a result, Liz has to chase him down in order to shoot the final episode. Liz ultimately finds Tracy in a strip club, where Tracy is running from the show in order to avoid having to say goodbye.

Meanwhile Jack is trying to patch up with Liz after the tumultuous argument that occurred at the end of the first part of the show. This ultimately leads to Jack hitting rock bottom and various cast members wondering if Jack was looking to off himself. However, this turns into Jack’s final manipulative game, as Liz finds him boarding a boat to find his true bliss, only for it to turn into the shortest boat trip of anyone’s life after deciding to push a “see-through dishwasher”.

The show’s final C-plot involves Frank and Toofer trying to get Lutz to move off of Blimpie’s when he got to choose the writers’ final lunch. Nothing however will work to make Lutz not pick Blimpie’s as he chosen it for revenge after all of the hell the other writers have given him over the past seven years (until Liz, who is tyrannical about food throws Lutz in her office tells Cerie to order sushi and dessert). However, Lutz takes the ultimate of measures to ensure that the writers’ will eat Blimpie’s, come hell or high water.

The finale as a whole impressed, often juggling four plot lines through both halves of the show, with neither section feeling particularly crowded, and giving every cast member a proper send off, be it Jonathan finally screaming at Liz how Jack was all his, Pete’s attempt at faking his death, and Tracy’s father finally returning from buying that pack of cigarettes. This comes as no surprise, however, as 30 Rock has done an excellent job this entire season of wrapping up lingering plot arcs, whether it’s Kenneth’s final rise to the presidency of NBC (a long term callback to a remark Jack mentioned in which he stated that “Kenneth will be running this company in five years”), Jack’s final realization that despite her salty interior, his mother was really caring for him the entire time, or Liz’s adoption arc that mysteriously fell off the face of the earth somewhere in the middle of season three.

The (in this case, absolute) final verdict: 30 Rock went out with the sort of ending that a show of it’s caliber deserved. Despite the massive changes that many of the major characters had over the course of the show, it took lengths to prove that it’s central characters (Jack, Liz, Kenneth, Tracy, and Jenna) were still at their core the people that they were at the start of the show. As has been the case all season, the show managed to neatly tie up a number of unresolved loose plot lines, whether it’s Jack’s unresolved love life or the Liz Lemon adoption arc that disappeared from consciousness over the past couple of seasons. A terrific sendoff (and the first of many this season for NBC’s Thursday night lineup) for a show that was fearlessly frenetic and funny.

The Americans Thrives with Thrills and Subtlety

by Michael Tyminski

The Americans 10:00pm Eastern Time, FX

It takes a lot these days to truly blow me away from a pilot. I’m typically the sort of person who believes that the first episode displays what a given show can become, but often is not executed to a degree where that promise is actualized. However, the first episode of The Americans last night managed to completely blow me away.

The show loosely follows both the un-american activities and family life of two sleeper agents in America: Elizabeth (Kerri Russell) and Philip Jennings (Matthew Rhys). Their “jobs” are a sham, their marriage was dictated by their Soviet overlords, and they exist to handle missions for the KGB while living comfortably in suburban Virginia. However, they must balance this while entirely withholding the truth from their neighbors, including a recently relocated FBI agent named Stan Beemer (played by Noah Emmerich) and even their own children.

What I truly enjoy about this show is that it reminds me a lot of Mad Men in that it’s a fairly subtle period piece that truly enjoys exploring the notion of identity. This tension is particularly palpable in the scenes where Philip and Elizabeth are discussing what to do with General Timoshev, a Russian defector whom they kidnapped from his apartment in Washington. Elizabeth remains steadfast in her resolve to serve the motherland, but also would like to off him because of some improprieties he took with her back in training, while Peter seriously considers his offer of defecting under the guise that they have been living this “American” life for half of their lives and that with young children they should consider taking the money and living a more stable life.

Another small positive for the Americans was the amount of detail they put into making the show look and feel like the early 1980’s, whether it be the cheesy wigs used for spycraft (that gave me flashbacks to the music video for “Sabotage”), the use of music (the show makes incredible use of both Fleetwood Mac’s “Tusk” and Phil Collins’ “In the Air Tonight”), down to even the automobiles (my dad owned a boxy ’77 Cutless Supreme when I was a kid that looked not too far off from the sedan that proves to play a fairly central role in the plot).

The show, while positioned as a serious drama also likes to inject little funny moments into the show to break the tension, be it a seemingly pasted on scene (last night’s showing was an extended version of the pilot) where Philip just starts randomly dancing in the mall, while taking his daughter shopping, or the way that the FBI claims that President Reagan is trying to break them down with 7am meetings.

Where there was action in the pilot (most notably the first ten minutes, where Philip, Elizabeth, and one of their comrades kidnap General Timoshev) the action was tight, well executed and tense, especially once you come to the realization (and it took me a couple of minutes to get to this point) that these are not immigration officers checking on a random Russian, but rather the wholesale kidnapping of a Russian ex-pat.

One aspect that initially grated on me until it clicked, was that most of the action was shot in the dark (to the point where it was almost difficult to see). However, once I came to the (delayed) realization that the entirety of the spy aspects of the show occurred at night and most of the family drama during the day, it made it slightly easier for me to take. The other minor issue I had with the pilot was that it felt bloated at points (as much as I loved the scene where Philip maims the sleazebag who was making moves on his thirteen year old daughter, it felt pasted on and I can’t imagine that the scene made the 44-minute cut)

The Final Verdict: The Americans is a gripping thrill-ride of a show that grabs on to your attention and never lets go. While this version of the pilot felt a little bloated at points (it ran 90 minutes instead of the usual 60), it had the vibe of both a blockbuster action thriller and a subtle period piece all rolled up into one. This show is easily finding it’s way into my regular viewing, and it should really make it’s way into yours. Give it a shot, you won’t be disappointed.

Catfish the TV Show: Addictive for all the right reasons.

by Ryan Shea

I have to say in recent years MTV has sure put out some shows that I would rather run into a knife than watch, most recently Buckwild and the gem of all gems Teen Mom, which is making thousands of girls pregnant and money hungry as I type this post. It didn’t seem too long ago when I was growing up that shows like Fanatic, Total Request Live and The Real World (when it was good and documentary-ish) were filling their airwaves of a once thriving network. Lately though, that sparkle and luster is gone from a network that is completely devoted to programming (why on earth there is still a VMA every year beats me).

Yet, they seemed to have strike it gold with their new reality show “Catfish”, which premiered back in November. The show centers around its star Nev Schulman, who made the movie of the same name two years ago. It is based off of people you develop a relationship online, yet never meet in person, or Skype/Facetime either. His whole purpose of the show was that “Catfish the movie was my story, Catfish the TV show is yours”. Pretty simple, right? Sure. Then, no matter what the topic is, shit always gets real and by the end the show has more twists and turns than a bad Lifetime movie (it’s your opinion if that is a good reference, but you get it).

Take the premiere episode. Cute nursing student Sunny thought she had been talking to a model out in Los Angeles called Jamison for quite sometime. Her younger sister actually talked to him first. Yet during the whole eight months they talked, they never did it in front of a camera. Finally, Nev to the rescue! After doing some research (he does this in every episode, and it seems like anyone can, just pointing that out there) both Nev and Sunny travel to find that the person they were talking to isn’t a drop dead gorgeous model, but in fact a teenage girl named Chelsea. Chelsea in return said she made the profile due to the incessant bullying she was dealing with on a daily basis, and wanted to create an alternate life in a way where she felt like she could be accepted. All hell breaks loose but by the end there isn’t too much harm done and everyone goes their separate ways.

I’m sorry, I would be having serious issues if I was Sunny. For so many different reasons. I felt bad for her the whole time but at the same time you have to wake up and realize this person you think you are talking to isn’t real. Why do I say this? Because just like every other gay man, woman, and even straight man to a certain degree, I have done online dating. Whether it’s an app or a site, I have been there, and still do. The thing for me is unless you are far away or there is a chance you are visiting the Tri-State area I don’t really have the need to talk to you beyond a certain point. It’s not rude, it’s just honest. If you are in Australia, and ask to see certain parts of me, what is the point? Can’t go through someone’s phone and grab it now right? Ugh, I digress.

I have been in Sunny’s situation where I have talked to guys from far away, and there have been several few exceptions of ones that really get my interest. But, within two or three days of talking, we always Facetime or Skype. That way, I know you are real and not cray cray. Moral of the story to everyone reading this and watching the show is always make sure you know who you are talking to. That way, you don’t end up sad and really embarassed in front of millions of people. I think the show is fantastic though for several reasons. It has done a couple of episodes focusing around the LGBT community, especially transgendered which of all those letters doesn’t really get the most attention. It’s done in a non-judgemental way and people can see that when they watch the show, so kudos to Nev.

Bottom line, I am hooked. Watch the show. Debate it for yourself.

Have you ever been in a catfish situation? What do you think of the show? Sound off!

The Best Stuff You Aren’t Watching: Portlandia

by Michael Tyminski

Portlandia: Fridays at 10p.m. Eastern on IFC

Mike normally reviews new (or recently returned) TV in an attempt to answer the question: Would I watch this again or would I recommend a friend picking up this series? However, once every week or so, the brain trust at Manhattan Digest gives him a little more free reign which he in turn uses to highlight the stuff you should check out (but probably haven’t yet).

I realize right off the bat that I am asking a lot, immediately recommending a show that comes on at 10p.m. on a Friday night, a time when most people are out and about kicking off their weekend, be it with friends, at a bar, or a party. That being said, if for some reason if you are stuck in on a Friday night (it is the middle of winter after all) or have a half hour to kill and a Netflix account or On Demand service I strongly recommend giving Portlandia a spin.

Portlandia is a sketch show that is the brainchild of Fred Armisen (Saturday Night Live) and Carrie Brownstein (of the bands Sleater-Kinney and Wild Ones). The show revolves around the hip, the hippies, and the hipsters that live in the greater Portland area. The show is currently airing it’s third season, with the first two seasons available on DVD (or on Netflix if that’s your sort of thing).

While there is a glut of sketch comedy regularly on TV between SNL, shows on Comedy Central and Adult Swim and the library of classic sketch comedy (be it Kids in the Hall, SCTV or Monty Python) that can be accessed through a variety of different means (be it DVD, YouTube, etc.), Portlandia stands out from the pack because it feels less forced, hackneyed, or reliant on pop culture than many of those similar shows.

The show’s humor comes from a number of sources. First and foremost, the show does a superb job of sending up pretentiousness, whether it’s yuppie parents who feel that their child’s life trajectory is based on getting into a choice preschool, the feminist bookstore owners whom are comically inept in running a retail establishment to the extent that they prefer donations over selling books, or people who create “art” by putting birds on various objects. Similarly, anyone whose ever had to deal with any alt-culture subgroup, be it your garden variety hipster, street punk or someone whose life choices are based off of some sense of moral superiority as opposed to actual intellectual honesty will see those contradictions ring true in many of the show’s characters.

The show’s second main form of humor comes from zany surrealism. This is often seen in a lot of the segments involving the Mayor of Portland (Kyle McLaughlin), who often dispatches Fred and Carrie (playing themselves) on various civic missions for the good of the city, whether it’s ensuring the Olympics never come to Portland, creating the city’s first major league team, or redesigning the police uniforms to give them a softer and less authoritative feel. Similarly, Portlandia has turned the wait for Sunday brunch into a post-apocalyptic wasteland where cutting the line is treated with extreme (and toasted) prejudice.

While there is no serialization inherent in the show, the show truly succeeds in creating a universe that seems as full and vibrant as a show like The Simpsons (which is known for its’ fairly large recurring cast), which is no small feat considering that the bulk of the characters are played by the duo of Brownstein and Armisen. This is critical as it means you can pick up the show at any point (as opposed to a show that runs on in-jokes and callbacks like say Frisky Dingo, or a show with a heavy serial element like Community). That being said, my recommended start point is still the pilot as it opens with one of the shows strongest sketches (The Dream of the 90’s) and really sets the tone of what you can expect throughout the rest of the series.

RuPaul’s Drag Race Recap: Like a Fish to Water

by David Baxter

Welcome to RuPaul’s Drag Race!! Are you excited? I know I am, even though I have no idea who these people are! Let’s bust out our control top panty hose and get going!

The first thing I notice about the opener is that there are no big girls here. It’s all skinny femme girls. Oh boy. There’s going to be a lot of screaming, I can tell. Let’s meet the ladies.

Detox dances and sings and I already don’t care. It’s Willam 2.0. Roxxxy comes in and needs to blend, or something. I’m confused by the shade of her base. Jade is pretty much a girl. No really. Serena shows up in a tulle dress but with no Spanish accent. Interesting. Alyssa informs us that she’s the Vanessa Williams of drag. I wonder how Ms. Williams feels about this. Jinkx is Seattle’s Youngest MILF and another actor. I don’t know if I have the strength. Penny shows up as our resident big girl, and is also the fan favorite, and makes a big deal about that. Vivianne is an Asian Bettie Paige wannabe. Alaska is Sharron Needles’ boyfriend and shows up in a horse mask. Everyone’s awkward. Honey is giving us Pam Grier realness. Ivy comes in trying too hard. Monica whatever can’t say her name without saying her full name. Lineysha Sparks is our resident Spanish speaker. Coco comes in last. I’m assuming you know what that means…

Uh oh! There’s already drama going on between the girls!

She-Mail! RuPaul’s all shook up! Is it another disaster motif? The dolls start screaming and somewhere a group of Justin Bieber fans think it’s too much.

Instead of a disaster, we’re starting out in the pool. The pit crew’s in speedos and I don’t care about anything else except more Sean Morales. Jade comes in and somehow manages to miss the giant tin of water. Yeah.

It’s going to be Esther Williams homage. I can’t imagine that this will be good for their outfits and make-up. Serena’s paella is showing and it turns out she wasn’t tucking, due to a poufy dress. The other dolls give her the Look. Half these people can’t handle water. No, really. Who are these people who don’t ever learn how to swim? Pool parties? Beaches? Like they NEVER go near the water. I’m so confused. There’s the obvious Shelley Winters joke with Penny. Alaska doesn’t know how to go deep and we just leave it at that. Everyone has “I’m holding my breath” face.

Apparently, Jinkx has narcolepsy. I doubt this is the last we’ll hear of this.

Detox wins, and it’s actually a fun picture.

Tomorrow is going to be a shopping spree and everyone’s excited, but realizes that could be a lot of things. Also, Jinkx, take off the Downtown Julie Brown hat.

The dolls get on a double decker tourist bus and start passing by “celebrities” like LaToya and Chas. It’s weird. There’s lots of lip-synching and I have no idea what’s going on. Somewhere, Connie and Carla are jumping in their seats.

The bus stops outside of a boutique and out comes Camille Grammar, who knows ALL about men in dresses, if you catch my drift. She sends them around the back, and everyone looks lost. They’re met by RuPaul in a giant pink Hazmat suit. All the dumpsters in the alley are filled with swag and they have a minute to grab as much shit as they can so they can make a red carpet dress. There’s more screaming and hollering. Take off the damn hat, Jinkx!

Back at headquarters, Roxxxy has a make-up dress that she always wears. Alaska is the first to get naked and apparently has a huge cock. There’s some drama between Jade and one of the others who has a huge overbite and a bolt of red sequined fabric. Shade is thrown, again, and I’m starting to roll my eyes.

Dressmaking time! It’s a mix of talents and abilities. Serena’s going super slow and Ru’s concerned. Jade talks more shit about her. Roxxxy talks about her recent weight loss and we all tell her she looks great. Penny discusses her dress and Ru looks unconvinced. Alaska’s making a saran wrap dress. Yup. That’s right.

While they’re getting ready, everyone talks more shit about everyone else. Alaska bring sup that he’s dating Sharron and everyone starts asking about their sex life. He’s apparently insecure about it all, and Overbite digs and digs. Serena interrupts everyone with a screech that makes Tyra’s voice seem beautiful. More shade. I don’t care. Let’s meet the judges.

Tonight, we have Mike Ruiz, who’s pretty but…. yeah, he’s pretty. The other judge is Camille Grammar. Why not? Runway time!

Roxxxy still needs to blend but the judges like the dress.

Jinkx just wrapped herself in fabric.

Detox is non-descript.

Ivy’s dress looks well sewn and her hair is very Janice Dickenson

Honey’s dress is weird, but I like the top (Shut up)

Jade looks like NBC and a Carol Channing hooker had a kid.

Alysssa’s was fun until she opened the cape thing.

Penny’s a scroll down which gets worse and worse the further you go down.

Coco looks like a frosting disaster.

Vivienne does the same mid-thigh chiffon train thing.

Alaska’s actually came together. Go her.

Lynesha’s dress is rather dramatic and kind of cool though could fit a bit better.

Monica is Dida 2.0

Serena just looks . . . weird.

Ru berates the safe girls and they all cry.

The judges love Roxxxy’s dress and she butters up RuPaul by showing off how she bought Ru’s shoes. Ivy’s sewing impresses the judges, but Santino wants some trash thrown in. I’m leaving that alone. Jade has too much going on. Yes. Yes she does. The judges talk about Penny and her dress and her shading, and the camera keeps focusing on Roxxxy. Everyone loves Alaska. Lynesha reveals that her dress was wallpaper and I’m impressed, and don’t mind the fit. Serena looks too much like a little Latin boy in a lederhosen dress. So true.

The judges like Roxxxy and I don’t know why. Michelle calls Ivy’s gown “eloguent” but hates her hair. Santino can’t tell where Jade’s taste level is. Michelle hates the scroll down on Penny. Mike was pleasantly surprised by Alaska, as we all where, but Michelle wants some big ol’ Jersey Girl earrings. The judges talk about Lynesha’s show like Manila didn’t do it two seasons ago. We all hate Serena. Looks like Penny and Serena, folks!

Roxxxy wins the whole she-bang, which I didn’t expect. Ru tells Jade to edit, which, let’s hope THAT happens. Up for elimination? Serena and Penny. Lip-synching to Party in the U.S.A. Yawn. Serena is giving us MOUTH, gworl and is all over the stage. Looks like it’s going to be nothing but skinny bitches after this. Penny doesn’t know the words and covers it up, while Serena is actually performing. Probably because she’s actually heard of the song, and Penny’s all “Miley who?” Serena stay. Go fig.

Next week! Skinny bitches do stuff! I know I’ll be watching!

Legit is dark, funny, honest and excellent

by Michael Tyminski

Legit: Thursdays at 10:30 Eastern on FX

Over the last few years, one of FX’s strongest suits has been the lowbrow comedy about flawed people, whether it be the remorseless gang of It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia, the maladjusted spies at ISIS in Archer, or the failed lawyer who gets high with a dog in Wilfred. Their new series Legit is a perfect fit in this mold.

Legit follows Jim Jefferies (in his stand-up persona), a stand-up comedian who is known for immaturity and for generally being an all around jerk as he tries to become more “legit” in the eyes of his mother. He is aided in his task by his best friend Steve (Dan Bakkedahl –the name may be unfamiliar, but he has had guest runs on shows ranging from Community to Veep to 30 Rock) whom has a considerably straighter moral compass than Jim and recommends that Jim do good things for people as a way to become “legit”.

When Jeffries’ gets a call from Steve’s younger brother Billy (who has muscular dystrophy and is confined to a wheelchair), the show’s plot wheels begin to turn in motion. Billy’s major concern in life at the start of the show is that he has yet to have sex and begs Jeff to take him to a hooker. This leads to a debauchery laden road trip that sets the overall tone for the series (and leads to the events of the next episode).

The second episode, “Dreams” picks up where the first one left off, with Jim and Steve off to break Billy out of his rest home but being saddled with his roommate, a developmentally disabled dwarf named Rodney (who drives a hard bargain and is really good at Wii Bowling) for a night of hard partying that leads to, Billy’s eviction and the return of Steve’s overbearing mother (and the clear fore-runner for Jim’s sitcom nemesis) Janice (played by Mindy Sterling) who insists on being the caretaker for Billy now that he can no longer be in the rest home.

The show as a whole is fearlessly raunchy, with two large benders in the first two episodes (in the form of the road trip in the pilot and a party off-screen in episode two), and features a very take-no-prisoners approach to its’ humor (if you’re not comfortable about a man in a wheelchair tripping out and being surprised at the notion that “he can’t feel his legs” this show is not going to be for you and you probably should disregard this review).

Where this show truly succeeds is in those heartwarming moments where Jim suddenly becomes a little less self-centered, be it when he hands a homeless man a five for listening to him ramble on about how dreams and goals make him miserable, trying to talk Billy out of killing himself after being forced to move in with his mother, or his genuine joy when Rodney gets a perfect game on Wii Bowling (even if the latter occurred while Steve was bugging out about returning Billy and Rodney to the rest home).

The Final Verdict: Legit clicks with me. It’s honest, it’s funny, it’s a little dark at times, but it fits perfectly into FX’s 10:00 PM Thursday comedy hour that has been home to some of the funniest comedy on television (and Unsupervised) over the past three years. It’s particularly strong at reaching both the most cringe-worthy of lows, and yet still succeeds in creating heartwarming moments. This will likely be part of my regular viewing (it’s lead in Archer has been for me since day one) and I look forward to how this twisted redemption tale plays out.

Downton Abbey Recap: It’s Never Lupus

by David Baxter

Last time on Everybody Hates Edith, everyone hated Edith for writing an op-ed, while Matthew felt guilty, now and forever. Maggie Smith said something sassy that you and all your friends have already memorized. Everyone caught up? Good. Remember, this is a recap, and yes, beyond this point, there are spoilers.

Dr. Clarkson is with Lady Sybil and everything’s fine and Tom is glowing. I like him when he smiles. I’ve heard rumors that he will be shirtless soon, and I like that even better. *ahem*

Downstairs, the servants are talking amongst themselves before dinner. There is the new footman, whose name escapes me, but since he looks like the Nazi kid in “The Sound of Music”, I’m going to call him Rolf. Anyway, Thomas has been flirting with “Rolf” and it’s painfully obvious to EVERYONE, even the staff who’s never heard of “homosexuality.” After dinner, Alfred follows the new kitchen maid, Ivy, around, much to Daisy’s chagrin, and Daisy starts pulling rank, since that’s the best way to get a boy.

Upstairs, all this baby talk is making Matthew rethink his guilt about all this money that he’s gotten and how poorly he thinks the estate is being run.

Meanwhile, O’Brien and “Rolf” are talking about winding clocks. Apparently, “Rolf” has been drafted by Thomas to wind all the clocks. O’Brien is talking about this like it’s the MOST AMAZING THING EVER, and how this is significant of how Thomas TOTALLY trusts and respects “Rolf.” I’ve never heard clocks being talked about like that.

Mary and Sybil are talking about pregnancy and we have the usual litany. Swollen ankles, moody moods, pickles and ice cream.

We switch to Thomas standing behind “Rolf” doing the “No really, let me show you how to do it by standing behind you and brush against you” trick. “Rolf” doesn’t fall for it, but at the same time, doesn’t seem to recognize the oldest trick besides the yawn and drop.

Mrs. Bates is at the prison for visiting hours (NO TOUCHING!). She and Bates start talking about a pastry or a pie or something. I feel like I missed something but they’re both very happy and see this as proof that Bates’ ex-wife killed herself. Bates’ cellmate and some ugly prison guard with jug ears conspire against Bates because they hate happiness.

Harriet Jones convinces Ethel, the whore maid, to come work for her. Everyone but Harriet is apprehensive about this.

It’s dinnertime and some old gentleman is with us, and it turns out that he’s a fancy doctor. Oh well. After dinner, Matthew accosts Phillip and brings up the spinal injury from last season that I thought that we had all forgotten and/or ignored. Matthew is concerned that his boys might not be working at full capacity, since Mary hasn’t been knocked up in the past few months. Slow down, kid. You have time.

Mrs. Bates talks to Lord Robert about her sleuthing and he congratulates her on her Nancy Drew-ing before heading into the breakfast room to eat. Lady Edith and Matthew are there and a letter comes for Edith. She’s received an offer to write a weekly column about the plight of the modern woman! Oh, if only getting a column was that easy! Lord Robert nixes the idea and Edith middle childs her way of the room.

Harriet Jones is talking to her Plain Old Cook, who’s quitting because she refuses to work with a former whore. They banter for a while, and Harriet Jones gets in a few good shots that just go over the cook’s head. Plain Old Cook leaves anyway.

In the kitchen, the footmen, sans Thomas, are flirting with Ivy, who’s not that pretty. They’re interrupted by Daisy who is currently drunk with power and kicks them all out in a jealous fit. This continues on to the cooking where she orders Ivy around. The hollandaise sauce curdles and Ivy doesn’t know what to do. “Rolf” magically fixes the sauce, earning the respect of Mrs. Bridges and Ivy and the ire of Daisy.

Upstairs, the daughters are consoling Tom before dinner. Maggie Smith finds out about Edith’s blog and is not amused. Everything gets stopped because it looks like something’s wrong with Sybil, and the doctors are fighting over who’s right. It’s like an episode of House. We know it’s not lupus, but we’re not sure if it’s not sarcoidosis.

While that’s going on, Ethel and Harriet Jones are off to a bad start, as Ethel attempts a kidney soufflé, which sounds awful, and is beyond her cooking skills.

Downstairs, Plain Old Cook wrote the staff at Downton a letter informing them about the scarlet woman who’s now working for the family. The staff accuses each other of being hypocrites and leaves it at that.

Upstairs, Sybil is slowly going crazy. The doctors argue over if this is pre-eclampsia or not. She may or may not need to go to the hospital RIGHT NOW and may nor may not need a caesarian. All this arguing is interrupted by Sybil screaming.

Meanwhile, Ethel screws up Harriet Jones’ tea and Daisy interrupts another group flirtation session. Mrs. Bridges sits Daisy down and gives her a Come to Jesus talk about how Ivy doesn’t care about Alfred and all this nastiness is going to do the complete opposite of what Daisy really wants.

Upstairs, everyone’s waiting in the parlor until Mary pops in, looking calm and informs them that Sybil and the new baby are fine. Apparently, they didn’t take her to the hospital. Everyone’s fine and happy and Sybil talks to Cora about her plans for Tom and the baby. Why does this feel like something’s about to happen?

Everyone in the house rejoices and Thomas gives “Rolf” a look that says “we should TOTALLY have sex.” “Rolf” freaks out and talks to O’Brien about this. O’Brien basically tells him he should go sleep with Thomas if he wants to be anything other than a scullery maid, but without actually saying that.

The next morning, my suspicions are confirmed, since there’s something wrong with Sybil. There’s lots of screaming and Dr. Clarkson does his best to say I Told You So, instead of doing anything. Not that there’s anything either one of the doctors can do, but they do just stand there while Sybil has a seizure and everyone else breaks down.

And crap. Lady Sybil’s dead. That sound you heard is thousands of fans turning off their TVs in rage.

Cora promises to take care of Tom and the baby. Edith and Mary use this as a weird bonding moment, since they seem to have the foresight to know that they won’t become best friends and will probably still loathe each other, but still take a moment to reaffirm their familial bond.

Mrs. Bates talks to a solicitor about her husband’s wrongful improvement and the difficulty of getting the woman who hates them all to stick to her story, once she finds out that her story might free Mr. Bates. Afterwards, the same solicitor talks to Matthew about the running of the estate, which Mary walks in on. Mary’s pissed, since her father isn’t involved, but that’s where we run into a problem since Robert is Earl, but Matthew is the heir AND the money is his. The solicitor travels to the prison to talk to Mr. Bates. Jug Ears and Cell Mate conspire in the shadows.

The family gathers in the parlor, and Cora has a “screw all of you” moment and it looks like Robert’s still sleeping on the couch for a while. We end with Tom holding his newborn, staring out the window.

Wow, that was a tough one!! Next time! Mr. Bates gets into a prison fight and everyone talks about religion! I know I’m excited.

An interview with Snooki and JWOWW at Rupauls Drag Race

by Ryan Shea

Nicole “Snooki” Polizzi and Jenni “JWOWW” Farley are best known as MTV’s “Jersey Shore” superstars. Last night they were hosts at the premiere party for the fifth season of “Rupaul’s Drag Race”, taking place at Club XL in the heart of Times Square.

They were looking their finest last night when I introduced myself. Dressed like Hollywood Starlets they stole the show with their appearance. As we gathered together for our interview they thought they recognized me, to which I replied “Nope, first time for both”. Snooki replied- “You got a twin out there somewhere”. I don’t really know if there can be two Ryan Shea’s in this world, that might be too much for people to handle. This was a brief interview where we focused questions around hosting an event for the LGBT and how the LGBT cause rings true in their own lives.

It turns out JWOWW and I have more in common than our good looks and large breasts.
We are both from Long Island, JWOWW reps Franklin Square, I rep East Northport.

What is your favorite restaurant is on the island?
JWOWW replied “Easton”. Never heard of it before but thats not a surprise seeing as she is a Nassau County girl. JWOWW’s eyes lit up as I told her my restaurant, in all of the other hemisphere / Long Island, is “All American Burger” in Massapequa. JWOWW then informed me that “All American Burger” is both “the place you can get a to go burger” and simultaneously “get a white girl wasted”. I will remember that one girl!

“We just love that we are just so much more mature than a lot of people.”
Snooki replied, as I asked both girls if either were aware as to how famous they had gotten from the show. Jenni simply shook her head and said “No”. as Snooki continued “We get a lot of hate, and the fact that fans support us, look up to us and tell us that we don’t really care what people say about you makes us feel good.”

Snooki and JWOWW deal with bullying on daily basis.

They choose do continue being themselves because “their fans support them and because of who they are as women”. They have been longtime supporters of the LGBT community but rose to prominence in this community after they posed for the cover of Next Magazine.

“We want to make this community acceptable around the world, not just in cities like New York and Los Angeles”. “We want to scream it through the rooftops that this is a great community, and you have to accept it”.

Snooki brought up some personal relationships, “I have three best friends I go to- Brad, Joey and Derrick. They are all gay and fabulous”. We then talk about how it’s essential to have a gay friend as we will tell you the outfit you are wearing doesn’t look great as opposed to you buying something and us lying to you about it. That’s what friends are for.

When I asked what their future plans are, JWOWW hopes for a season three of Snooki & JWOWW, where as Snooki simply says, “I want her to get pregnant” while looking at JWOWW.

As the briefinterview winded down I left with a positive impression of both ladies, that they genuinely had altruistic reasons to support at an event like this. They are using their celebrity for the better and I think they are doing a damn good job at it!

TELEVISION

Footer